Re-starting the process my way, now with girlfriend. Thoughts and learnings. Updates on Sundays.

[TheSpaniard]

Hi all,

Well, here I am again. I had this account since last year but I wasn't very active.

First of all, I'm here because today I'm not feeling well with myself. I mean, I have a girlfriend and our relationship is GREAT. I feel so well with her and we can do sex almost whenever we want. However, something is not OK for me. Today, as I was alone in my home, I was suffering from urges and after flirting with some adult content in YouTube and Spotify (not porn web pages) I masturbated and ejaculated ... with my penis flaccid. It felt so wrong. And I hate the feeling of constantly struggling. I may have several weeks or months in a row without this struggling feeling, but from time to time it shows up and I feel abducted by it. So, this is why I decided to go back here and share my thoughts and learnings through this new process that I will do my way.

I will tell you more about my story promptly, but right now is midnight in Spain and tomorrow morning I have to wake up early.

BTW, as you can guess by my nickname english is not my first language. I think my level of english is good enough, at least when it comes to writting hahaha But sorry in advance if I make any mistake.

Keep you posted. Thanks.

Days without adult content = 0

Report = August 22, 2021

 

[Phineas 808]

Welcome back to the forum, Spaniard!

Hope you have successful change for the better future, and self control!

 

[TheSpaniard]

Well, a few more details about me:

- I'm 27 yo. I work in a great company and currently doing my phd thesis. Some weeks can be stressfull, but in general I'm pretty happy and control my stress levels well. Not a problem, thankfully.

- I live with my GF. We are together for 9 months and she knows all about this thing. Our relationship is great and we have plans for the future. I'm completely in love with her as I feel I can be me when I'm with her. I feel much more fun and spontaneous. If you have a GF (or you are starting dating a girl), do not be afraid to tell her about PIED. But my recommendation would be to tell her the proper way. Girls usually empathize if you are sincere and tell them your feelings. Before my GF, I dated several girls and most were very understanding. I only dated a girl who did not want to see me again (as she was looking for a sex relationship and at that time I wasn't able to have an erection). Believe me, rejection is not the end of the world. It is even good if it helps you learn to accept yourself.

- I've been fighting porn addiction and non-normative sexual behaviours since I was 20, when I discovered I had PIED. Since then my path has been very winding. Lot of pain, embarrassment and self-demand. I had to deal with low self-steem. I visited a couple of psychologists who helped me a little until I finally found a great psychologist. This last guy was game-changing for me. Seriously, I highly recommend to visit a psychologist if you are dealing with PIED or any kind of sexual disorder.

- I want to post here my progress once a week, generally on Sundays. I really appreciate the positive feedback. I'm also here for you so feel free to message me anytime.

Keep you posted. Thanks.

Days without adult content = 1

Report = August 23, 2021

 

[TheSpaniard]

Hi all,

First week of this new challenge completed. I've had sex 2 or 3 times with my GF successfully. Knowing that I can have sex with my GF reassures me a lot. There was a time when I was unable to have sex, so keep faith in the process. Everything gets better with time.

The first days are usually easy for me. Things get harder when I fantasize. This is the hardest thing for me to keep under control. Today I woke up excited and I could not have sex with my GF due to lack of time because she starts working in person early in the morning. On the other hand, I've stayed at home teleworking (I work in person 2 times/week + trips). Being alone in home, despite having to work, is a trigger for me. But I have to go through it. The goal is to not check adult content, so I allow masturbation in case I can't handle the struggling of constantly fantasazing alone. In my experience, if I do not cut fantasies it will end way worst for me. So resources and strategies are needed to know what to do when fantasies hit me up. I will probably delve more into this soon as I thing this could be very interesing. I do not know what I'm going to do, but for the moment I prefer to take a shower, put some order and simply start to work.

Have a nice day. Keep you posted. Thanks.

Days without adult content = 8

Report = August 30, 2021

 

[TheSpaniard]

Today I feel a little bit likely to search for adult content, especially the one related to my fetishes. By now I've been able to manage it and I haven't done anything I shouldn't have. I definitely want to get rid of this. This moment, when I'm alone at home working at my own pace, is one of the biggest triggers for me.

But I feel that if I can move on with my stuff and not start the vicious cycle of porn, I will be able to overcome these kind of situations in the future. So let's do it right.

Keep you posted. Thanks.

Days without adult content = 9

Report = August 31, 2021

 

[TheSpaniard]

Good job indentifying your potential weaknesses and planning around them.

Your English is more than acceptable, don't worry about it.

The advice you are giving is similar to what I've heard from plenty of other rebooters, so it's probably good.

Stay strong!

Thank you for your kind message and your support!

 

[TheSpaniard]

Struggling to not start the vicious cycle of sexual fantasies.

One thing is clear here: if you do not want to finish, do not start. Instead of that, focus on your stuff.

Keep you posted. Thanks.

Days without adult content = 12

Report = September 3, 2021

 

[TheSpaniard]

I'm on a trip with my GF and her family. That's why I've been off in the last days.

Just wanted to catch up.

Today is day 19 without adult content. These past days were good. However, tonight I had 2 sex dreams related to my fetishes. I wake up feeling weird (and excited, TBH). The feeling could be compared to the one when I watched extreme porn. I think you know what I mean. It's like when you are abducted by porn and, when you "wake up" from watching porn you feel weird (WTF I've just watched!?).

The thing is that when I woke up this morning, I was so excited that I searched a social net related to my fetishes I used to use in the past. I was there for 3 minutes (literally) and didn't see anything porn related (luckily). Here I have 2 thoughts:

1. I'm pretty happy I was able to stop before being abducted. This ability to STOP at the beginning of the porn cyrcle is something I really value. Having my GF sleeping next to me has also been of great help. Of course, watching porn (especially the one related to my fetishes) with my GF sleeping with me is something I defitenely do not want. She does not deserve that and I would feel extremely bad for it.
2. However, this is clearly something I must take care of. 3 minutes into porn social net (without any images nor texts) is something I've being able to manage, but also is something that I need to get fully under control. 0 minutes is better than 3 minutes. And from my experience, 3 minutes now can lead to 3 hours in the future.

 

[Phineas 808]

Good self-analysis.

 

[TheSpaniard]

Good self-analysis.

Thank you Phineas

 

[TheSpaniard]

Hi all,

Back to work-routine. It seems that the days ahead will come with many things to do. I need to balance my professional life (working in the company + working on my thesis + teaching at the university) with my personal life (eating healthy + doing exercise + taking care of GF + family).

Not an easy way to come back from my holidays, but I'm doing good for now. I have some thoughts on my recent sex experiences with my GF that I would like to share. Nothing triggering, that's for sure. I will post it later in the week.

All the best,

Days without adult content = 29

Report = September 20, 2021

 

[TheSpaniard]

Hi all,

I need some help with fantasies. I do not want to give details about my fantasies (to avoid triggers), but these last days I'm struck by my fantasies, and the feeling is a bit overwhelming. Sometimes even I just can't focus in whatever the heck I'm doing.

Any advice on this? It would be really helpful. Motivation is OK, but I'm not always up and as you know it's easy to relapse...

 

[Jeks]

YourBrainRebalanced Radio Show - Your Brain On Porn

YourBrainRebalanced listed in chronological order Show #1: Starting the reboot, meet the crew. Show #2: Gameover joins the cast to talk about all things relating to relapsing Show #3: Withdrawals, with Jedimindtrick & the crew. Show #4: Interviewing Gabe Deem Show #5: Rebooting with a partner w/...

www.yourbrainonporn.com

I think on show 2 on of these guys talks about the rabbit-hole-technique, whih helped me a lot.

The analogy is, that you are like a dog, who wants to hunt down rabbits and as soon as you see a rabbit hole (fantasy) you wanna go in and hunt your rabbit. But as soon as you do that, the more you dig into that fantasy and engage in it, the more likely it becomes to loose yourself in the hole.
So as soon as you see a rabbit hole, you gotta focus your mind on something else. Therefore you can just look at you sourroundings and start thinking about it. When you see a chair, start thinking about chairs: where did i buy it, when did i buy it, what is it made of, what other things are made out of wood? doors! How do doors work etc... So you let the your sourroundings give you other things to think about, until you pass the rabbit hole, meaning until the Image in your head is not hunting you anymore so badly.

 

[Phineas 808]

Hi all,

I need some help with fantasies. I do not want to give details about my fantasies (to avoid triggers), but these last days I'm struck by my fantasies, and the feeling is a bit overwhelming. Sometimes even I just can't focus in whatever the heck I'm doing.

Any advice on this? It would be really helpful. Motivation is OK, but I'm not always up and as you know it's easy to relapse...

Fantasy (whether while awake in the day, or going to sleep at night) is escapism. The opposite of escapism (mindlessness) is mindfulness, being present in the here and now.

Investigate how mindfulness (including meditation) can help you to focus and give up fantasies...

 

[TheSpaniard]

Thank you very much Jeks and Phineas. I really appreciate it and helps me to move on.