otanerferguson
Active Member
Hi everybody,
Long story short: not masturbating to porn or even watching it works to cure erectile dysfunction (at least the porn-induced type). At 40 years old and having watched high-speed porn since my late twenties and regular porn, magazines, etc. since my teen years, for me it happened in about six months. You can't rush it, but it works.
You can find the long story here, where I journaled about the reboot daily, and according to my friend @Bilbo Swaggins, it makes for an entertaining read
I will spare you the details, but I will tell you that I believe that the only way that this works for ED is not compromising or negotiating one little bit. You have to make the choice right here, right now, that the only way you will ever experience sexual gratification will be with a real woman (or person, according to your case) for the rest of your life. And at least for a good while—I would venture, at least three months—that means that even masturbation to your own imagination is off the table. I have no intentions of masturbating any more, just sex with my woman. I don't know if that is sustainable, but it's working wonders at the time.
There is one caveat. I think that human contact with women all throughout the reboot is crucial. And I don't mean just sexual. It's about being in their presence. There are certain neurochemicals that will help you in your reboot that your body best produces from human interaction. In my case, it was taking a live yoga class (socially distanced, but live) where I could be in the presence of women, interacting with them, talking, joking around after class. It's an environment where it's kind of socially okay to stare at healthy women in tight clothes as long as you're not a creepy fuck about it. It also meant for me to engage with every woman I had the chance to. In line at the supermarket, with female staff at stores, cashiers, etc. Again, not hitting on them, just making small talk with perfect strangers. On day 91, to boost what I am talking about here, I had a nuru massage, in which a beautiful woman rubs against your body almost naked and I asked her not to give me a happy ending. It was all about re-teaching my body about interacting with the female body without expectations to perform or involving feelings, what my friend @casanova calls the rewiring part. I did not return a second time. That one time was enough and here's the disclaimer, just be careful not to get hooked on what are essentially different forms of prostitution, because that can itself become an addiction, and an expensive one too. Some people have explored carezza with their partner, so that's an option for this too. I did not try that one. None of this should be "virtual" so no IG hotties, no chatting, camming, pic sharing or anything like that.
I also had an amazing understanding girlfriend and now wife, with whom I shared this from day one and came clean about. She had the patience of waiting for a long time before we had sex again, understanding the reboot timeline. Coming clean is the way to go. Don't frame it as an addiction. Frame it like what it is. You didn't know this was a cause for ED and remove the guilt from it. She knew you watched porn, most men do, no one thought it was a bad thing, but that's what's standing between you and a healthy sex life with her. It takes a while to get fixed and here's what you can expect. Show her this video and assume you are in the worst off group. You will also find her more attractive and you will enjoy sex with her more after the reboot.
I can also tell you that, while there are days where you feel improvements happening on a daily basis, there will be a lot of time during your reboot where you will feel like shit. In my case, that meant not caring about work for the better part of the first semester of 2021 and putting out mediocre products, long after their deadlines. The common name for that feeling is a "flatline" and it is accompanied by a depressive state and a limp dick. The scientific name is allostasis as I recount here, and it's something that happens with every compulsive behavior or drug abuse, where your body's reward thresholds get stuck at the higher level provided by the overstimulation of the compulsive behavior (porn in this case) and, since your real woman and lifestyle are not giving you those levels of novelty, you just feel dead inside and sexless for a fucking long time until those thresholds finally reset to a lower point. You are physically unable to feel pleasure of several types. It's a biological fucked up mechanism meant to trick you into returning to the compulsive behavior, because the body mistakenly thinks it's something you need for survival. It is also the reason why you will experience what I call "reboot fatigue" and an intense feeling of saying "to hell with all this shit". That's when you must endure. So another lesson here is that this is not a linear process. You go back and forth between improvement and flatline and you don't have to worry whenever you bump into a set back, just cuss and keep on trucking.
This shit can go on for what it feels like forever (from as little as two months to a few years, so hang in there) and, sad news, you can't force it to go away faster. Believe me, I tried everything and in the end, the path forward was not a natural testosterone boost or magical body hack. It was simply let time do its thing and: "have fun, spend time with your loved ones, laugh, go for walks, move your body, commune with nature, talk to every woman that crosses your path, just don't be a dick, eat good wholesome foods, have some wine. That's the best cure." I realized that only after much obsessing about the science of it all, on day 116.
I was the healthiest, most disciplined rebooter ever. I had a routine with exercise, meditation, breathing exercises, good nutrition; you name it. However, neural pathways are tangible biological things, just like plants or any other biological structures, and they take their fucking time to grow, regrow, and remap. So there are no shortcuts. You just have to push through and be patient. One day, after many days of feeling like dying, boom, you're fixed. Living a healthy lifestyle, moving your body regularly, and getting your human touch, sun and nature fix will keep you from killing yourself in the meantime, just like with any source of depression. But do make a point of working these things into your life as habits. Don't leave it to chance.
One thing I advice you not to do, is to go ahead and orgasm the first time your feel like you are fixed. In my case, that first orgasm sent me back into a sixty-day flatline and I am not even kidding. In those sixty days, I couldn't get it up or even lust over my woman. I couldn't muster enough mental energy to work. I became very mediocre at my job during those days. From my first orgasm on day 52 of the reboot I was able to have sex again on day 107, imagine my frustration with this process. Here's the summary of that story. So just hold it in for six-ish months.
Over the past month or so I have been able to have sex without losing my erection and with satisfying orgasms many times and under several circumstances that would have rendered me useless in the past, such as after eating too much, drinking too much, or being too tired. I always have that nagging feeling that my dick is not going to work, and then it surprises me. It's true that I could be hornier and exhibit more sexual prowess, but for now, I will call the reboot DONE. That's why I went ahead and wrote this post. The first time I thought I was fixed was on day 39. In reality, I know that I will continue improving for the rest of my life, but I was only able to write this post in good conscience after day 185.
One thing, though. I've noticed that there are at least two types of rebooters here. 1) those who have trouble leaving porn behind and have urges to go back to watching it once they leave it, even if they have experienced porn-induced erectile dysfunction (most likely, people in this group haven't been scared shitless by PIED); and 2) the group for whom porn was an ingrained compulsive habit and did not know that it was the cause of PIED, but once they know about its ill effects, don't have a problem not watching it anymore and that part becomes effortless. I belong to the second group. The difference might be subtle in addictive terms, but we certainly have to worry about one less thing during our journeys. The struggles are different. If you are in the first group, then not everything that I write here might be for you, but you might still find some of it useful.
Last but not least, I would not be at this point if it wasn't for the encouragement and support of this community and my good friends @Bilbo Swaggins @guitar1968 @Phineas 808 @workinprogressUK @JerryTX @Nick Simons @joepanic @Gabe Deem and many others, as well as the deep conversations and similar paths that we shared with @casanova .
Wish you the best in your reboot and in your lives my friends!!
Long story short: not masturbating to porn or even watching it works to cure erectile dysfunction (at least the porn-induced type). At 40 years old and having watched high-speed porn since my late twenties and regular porn, magazines, etc. since my teen years, for me it happened in about six months. You can't rush it, but it works.
You can find the long story here, where I journaled about the reboot daily, and according to my friend @Bilbo Swaggins, it makes for an entertaining read
I will spare you the details, but I will tell you that I believe that the only way that this works for ED is not compromising or negotiating one little bit. You have to make the choice right here, right now, that the only way you will ever experience sexual gratification will be with a real woman (or person, according to your case) for the rest of your life. And at least for a good while—I would venture, at least three months—that means that even masturbation to your own imagination is off the table. I have no intentions of masturbating any more, just sex with my woman. I don't know if that is sustainable, but it's working wonders at the time.
There is one caveat. I think that human contact with women all throughout the reboot is crucial. And I don't mean just sexual. It's about being in their presence. There are certain neurochemicals that will help you in your reboot that your body best produces from human interaction. In my case, it was taking a live yoga class (socially distanced, but live) where I could be in the presence of women, interacting with them, talking, joking around after class. It's an environment where it's kind of socially okay to stare at healthy women in tight clothes as long as you're not a creepy fuck about it. It also meant for me to engage with every woman I had the chance to. In line at the supermarket, with female staff at stores, cashiers, etc. Again, not hitting on them, just making small talk with perfect strangers. On day 91, to boost what I am talking about here, I had a nuru massage, in which a beautiful woman rubs against your body almost naked and I asked her not to give me a happy ending. It was all about re-teaching my body about interacting with the female body without expectations to perform or involving feelings, what my friend @casanova calls the rewiring part. I did not return a second time. That one time was enough and here's the disclaimer, just be careful not to get hooked on what are essentially different forms of prostitution, because that can itself become an addiction, and an expensive one too. Some people have explored carezza with their partner, so that's an option for this too. I did not try that one. None of this should be "virtual" so no IG hotties, no chatting, camming, pic sharing or anything like that.
I also had an amazing understanding girlfriend and now wife, with whom I shared this from day one and came clean about. She had the patience of waiting for a long time before we had sex again, understanding the reboot timeline. Coming clean is the way to go. Don't frame it as an addiction. Frame it like what it is. You didn't know this was a cause for ED and remove the guilt from it. She knew you watched porn, most men do, no one thought it was a bad thing, but that's what's standing between you and a healthy sex life with her. It takes a while to get fixed and here's what you can expect. Show her this video and assume you are in the worst off group. You will also find her more attractive and you will enjoy sex with her more after the reboot.
I can also tell you that, while there are days where you feel improvements happening on a daily basis, there will be a lot of time during your reboot where you will feel like shit. In my case, that meant not caring about work for the better part of the first semester of 2021 and putting out mediocre products, long after their deadlines. The common name for that feeling is a "flatline" and it is accompanied by a depressive state and a limp dick. The scientific name is allostasis as I recount here, and it's something that happens with every compulsive behavior or drug abuse, where your body's reward thresholds get stuck at the higher level provided by the overstimulation of the compulsive behavior (porn in this case) and, since your real woman and lifestyle are not giving you those levels of novelty, you just feel dead inside and sexless for a fucking long time until those thresholds finally reset to a lower point. You are physically unable to feel pleasure of several types. It's a biological fucked up mechanism meant to trick you into returning to the compulsive behavior, because the body mistakenly thinks it's something you need for survival. It is also the reason why you will experience what I call "reboot fatigue" and an intense feeling of saying "to hell with all this shit". That's when you must endure. So another lesson here is that this is not a linear process. You go back and forth between improvement and flatline and you don't have to worry whenever you bump into a set back, just cuss and keep on trucking.
This shit can go on for what it feels like forever (from as little as two months to a few years, so hang in there) and, sad news, you can't force it to go away faster. Believe me, I tried everything and in the end, the path forward was not a natural testosterone boost or magical body hack. It was simply let time do its thing and: "have fun, spend time with your loved ones, laugh, go for walks, move your body, commune with nature, talk to every woman that crosses your path, just don't be a dick, eat good wholesome foods, have some wine. That's the best cure." I realized that only after much obsessing about the science of it all, on day 116.
I was the healthiest, most disciplined rebooter ever. I had a routine with exercise, meditation, breathing exercises, good nutrition; you name it. However, neural pathways are tangible biological things, just like plants or any other biological structures, and they take their fucking time to grow, regrow, and remap. So there are no shortcuts. You just have to push through and be patient. One day, after many days of feeling like dying, boom, you're fixed. Living a healthy lifestyle, moving your body regularly, and getting your human touch, sun and nature fix will keep you from killing yourself in the meantime, just like with any source of depression. But do make a point of working these things into your life as habits. Don't leave it to chance.
One thing I advice you not to do, is to go ahead and orgasm the first time your feel like you are fixed. In my case, that first orgasm sent me back into a sixty-day flatline and I am not even kidding. In those sixty days, I couldn't get it up or even lust over my woman. I couldn't muster enough mental energy to work. I became very mediocre at my job during those days. From my first orgasm on day 52 of the reboot I was able to have sex again on day 107, imagine my frustration with this process. Here's the summary of that story. So just hold it in for six-ish months.
Over the past month or so I have been able to have sex without losing my erection and with satisfying orgasms many times and under several circumstances that would have rendered me useless in the past, such as after eating too much, drinking too much, or being too tired. I always have that nagging feeling that my dick is not going to work, and then it surprises me. It's true that I could be hornier and exhibit more sexual prowess, but for now, I will call the reboot DONE. That's why I went ahead and wrote this post. The first time I thought I was fixed was on day 39. In reality, I know that I will continue improving for the rest of my life, but I was only able to write this post in good conscience after day 185.
One thing, though. I've noticed that there are at least two types of rebooters here. 1) those who have trouble leaving porn behind and have urges to go back to watching it once they leave it, even if they have experienced porn-induced erectile dysfunction (most likely, people in this group haven't been scared shitless by PIED); and 2) the group for whom porn was an ingrained compulsive habit and did not know that it was the cause of PIED, but once they know about its ill effects, don't have a problem not watching it anymore and that part becomes effortless. I belong to the second group. The difference might be subtle in addictive terms, but we certainly have to worry about one less thing during our journeys. The struggles are different. If you are in the first group, then not everything that I write here might be for you, but you might still find some of it useful.
Last but not least, I would not be at this point if it wasn't for the encouragement and support of this community and my good friends @Bilbo Swaggins @guitar1968 @Phineas 808 @workinprogressUK @JerryTX @Nick Simons @joepanic @Gabe Deem and many others, as well as the deep conversations and similar paths that we shared with @casanova .
Wish you the best in your reboot and in your lives my friends!!
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