Day 9
I felt a craving.
There’s a
video of Queppet that helped me a lot
I said no, I’m not going to do it today, I need a better life, I don’t want a 30 mins pleasure comparing with 3-4 days of feeling great.
There’s a blackhole, trying to overcome this narrative, it says one time doesn’t hurt, you have been there before and it ended up relapsing, why fighting? You can fight back again after relapse.
This is a dangerous blackhole, no wonder it was an intense craving.
First, relapsing will make things worse, will delay time for healing, IT DOES MATTER to stay clean today, even though it’s just a day.
I try to find the underlying desire, it should be an authentic one, that drives me to do something, but unfortunately my mind doesn’t no any other way than porn.
Maybe my desire was telling me to go out again like I did today, put yourself out of comfort zone, because it likes the feel afterwards.
Maybe I was tired today, but happy and satisfied, my desire is to stay at this level of satisfaction.
So I need something that keeps me satisfied, if I habituated myself to porn, I now, have to teach myself new authentic ways.
I guess it could be a simple solution, to sleep.
Yeah, I’m sleepy, I can gift myself a good night sleep at 10:45 PM, this could satisfy me, and tomorrow I will do excercises, productivity and spirtual activities, that will provide me with satisfaction.
I know, porn might be more alluring than just simply sleep, but I can SACRIFICE this extra pleasure, because I know that my choice will be the right one tomorrow.
Good night!