I am 57, happily married to the same woman for more than 25 years, with 3 adult children.
I have also been “keen” on porn ever since I can remember! This started pre-internet as probably healthy teenage curiosity, but I had access to the internet from pretty early days, probably around 1996 or thereabouts, and as far back as I remember I have simply loved the thrill of online porn. My married sex life was very normal, starting to slow down as we got older from 2-3 times per week, to once per week, to probably once per month. Enough for us. Then at some point about 3 or 4 years ago I guess, my wife started to go into the stage of menopause where sex became less important, and at the same I started to develop ED!
At the time I thought it was simply a process of aging…my GP suspected nothing different, prescribed speedra and hey presto my erections were back to normal and we could continue to have normal penetrative sex. Not really though, cos I simply hated the lack of spontaneity that came with speedra, after a bit simply stopped taking them, as our love making became less and less frequent (probably my wife did not mind so much as her body was going through a difficult process). In the meantime, my appetite for porn grew and grew.
Middle of 2020 I retired from my full time job and combined with the increased home time which came from the Covid situation, my porn watching time increased more (maybe not daily, but sometimes up to 4 hours in a single day) and my ED got worse and worse. I used to invent excuses to be at home alone, and immediately head down to my office for my fix. I had lost a lot of sensitivity down there, and it became really difficult (sometimes impossible) to maintain an erection no matter what I was watching, and even though I did still feel very horny. I tried a lot of things, for example for a while 3D material on a headset worked well, but not for long. (I did manage to stay away from extreme material however, I think my morals were (and are) still very strong in that respect.) In the meantime my married sex life pretty much disappeared.
A few months ago I went to see a specialist urologist – his diagnosis was the same as the GP (i.e. that ED could possibly have a psychological source never came up in our conversation – it’s simply an “aging” thing) but he prescribed tadalafil (Cialis) which has a far longer half life then speedra and would theoretically allow more spontaneity in our occasional love making. Or so I thought.
By that time I was already partially aware of PIED through casual reading but thought that tadalafil would both let me resume a healthy sexual relationship with my wife AND revive my PMO satisfaction. How wrong I was! I sneaked a dose of Tadalafil a couple of times without my wife knowing, just to “test” it, but it did absolutely NOTHING to me, no difference whatsoever!
I got reading some more, quickly came to the conclusion that I was experiencing a case of PIED (in hindsight I probably knew it before I was just living with my head in a hole), panicked, and immediately got a porn blocker for my PC and mobile and went cold turkey. This was 27 days ago, and this post is the first time I am discussing this with ANYONE!
The last time I had penetrative sex with my wife was around 2 years ago, using speedra. As far as she is aware (unless she is not letting on) I am suffering from an “aging” problem, which has also created performance anxiety, and we don’t talk about it much beyond that. Maybe she has lost sufficient interest in sex not to really care, I don’t really know, and now I don’t actively raise the subject because of course I know I can’t perform anyway, whatever magic pill I ingest!
I have managed to go 27 days with no relapse, to be honest not watching porn has not been too difficult for me. I have also stayed well clear of softer material (youtube, vimeo etc). What I am finding REALLY difficult is staying away from edging…probably on a daily basis I find myself fantasizing about a favourite porn star and edging almost unconsciously and then I usually (not always) stop immediately. I realise this is no good at all, and is something I need to fix…… I plan to try meditation, more cold showers, more exercise…...
After a week into no PMO my morning erections started to return quite nicely and I was thrilled, but they have slowed down again. A couple of attempts to get aroused with my wife sufficiently to have sex failed miserably. I realise the healing process could take time, and that’s OK, it’s all for a good cause. The main thing I worry about is that one day I will need to be up front with my wife about my dirty history….dunno, maybe she will ask me to try the tadalafil and I’ll have to tell her that I have and they don’t work, and why. Maybe she will take it in her stride, maybe not, and I cannot bear the thought of our otherwise great relationship (in spite of the nonexistant sex) being affected. In any case I’m not happy living a lie…..we’ll see.
I realise the above is a little rambling…..sorry for that. I have read a few of the journals here and they are for the vast part very encouraging and inspiring. In fact I find that reading them, and other internet material on the same subject, really helps to understand what is going on in my brain, and really helps me to resist porn temptation. So thank you all for sharing!
I have also been “keen” on porn ever since I can remember! This started pre-internet as probably healthy teenage curiosity, but I had access to the internet from pretty early days, probably around 1996 or thereabouts, and as far back as I remember I have simply loved the thrill of online porn. My married sex life was very normal, starting to slow down as we got older from 2-3 times per week, to once per week, to probably once per month. Enough for us. Then at some point about 3 or 4 years ago I guess, my wife started to go into the stage of menopause where sex became less important, and at the same I started to develop ED!
At the time I thought it was simply a process of aging…my GP suspected nothing different, prescribed speedra and hey presto my erections were back to normal and we could continue to have normal penetrative sex. Not really though, cos I simply hated the lack of spontaneity that came with speedra, after a bit simply stopped taking them, as our love making became less and less frequent (probably my wife did not mind so much as her body was going through a difficult process). In the meantime, my appetite for porn grew and grew.
Middle of 2020 I retired from my full time job and combined with the increased home time which came from the Covid situation, my porn watching time increased more (maybe not daily, but sometimes up to 4 hours in a single day) and my ED got worse and worse. I used to invent excuses to be at home alone, and immediately head down to my office for my fix. I had lost a lot of sensitivity down there, and it became really difficult (sometimes impossible) to maintain an erection no matter what I was watching, and even though I did still feel very horny. I tried a lot of things, for example for a while 3D material on a headset worked well, but not for long. (I did manage to stay away from extreme material however, I think my morals were (and are) still very strong in that respect.) In the meantime my married sex life pretty much disappeared.
A few months ago I went to see a specialist urologist – his diagnosis was the same as the GP (i.e. that ED could possibly have a psychological source never came up in our conversation – it’s simply an “aging” thing) but he prescribed tadalafil (Cialis) which has a far longer half life then speedra and would theoretically allow more spontaneity in our occasional love making. Or so I thought.
By that time I was already partially aware of PIED through casual reading but thought that tadalafil would both let me resume a healthy sexual relationship with my wife AND revive my PMO satisfaction. How wrong I was! I sneaked a dose of Tadalafil a couple of times without my wife knowing, just to “test” it, but it did absolutely NOTHING to me, no difference whatsoever!
I got reading some more, quickly came to the conclusion that I was experiencing a case of PIED (in hindsight I probably knew it before I was just living with my head in a hole), panicked, and immediately got a porn blocker for my PC and mobile and went cold turkey. This was 27 days ago, and this post is the first time I am discussing this with ANYONE!
The last time I had penetrative sex with my wife was around 2 years ago, using speedra. As far as she is aware (unless she is not letting on) I am suffering from an “aging” problem, which has also created performance anxiety, and we don’t talk about it much beyond that. Maybe she has lost sufficient interest in sex not to really care, I don’t really know, and now I don’t actively raise the subject because of course I know I can’t perform anyway, whatever magic pill I ingest!
I have managed to go 27 days with no relapse, to be honest not watching porn has not been too difficult for me. I have also stayed well clear of softer material (youtube, vimeo etc). What I am finding REALLY difficult is staying away from edging…probably on a daily basis I find myself fantasizing about a favourite porn star and edging almost unconsciously and then I usually (not always) stop immediately. I realise this is no good at all, and is something I need to fix…… I plan to try meditation, more cold showers, more exercise…...
After a week into no PMO my morning erections started to return quite nicely and I was thrilled, but they have slowed down again. A couple of attempts to get aroused with my wife sufficiently to have sex failed miserably. I realise the healing process could take time, and that’s OK, it’s all for a good cause. The main thing I worry about is that one day I will need to be up front with my wife about my dirty history….dunno, maybe she will ask me to try the tadalafil and I’ll have to tell her that I have and they don’t work, and why. Maybe she will take it in her stride, maybe not, and I cannot bear the thought of our otherwise great relationship (in spite of the nonexistant sex) being affected. In any case I’m not happy living a lie…..we’ll see.
I realise the above is a little rambling…..sorry for that. I have read a few of the journals here and they are for the vast part very encouraging and inspiring. In fact I find that reading them, and other internet material on the same subject, really helps to understand what is going on in my brain, and really helps me to resist porn temptation. So thank you all for sharing!
... I would be more than happy with arriving, at the end of my journey, to just being capable to have sex with my wife as often or as few times as the mood takes us, whether this is daly, weekly or monthly.