Day 3 of full recovery all is well for now but the more l abstain from any kind of nudity, the more l have flashes of porn, the more l try to manipulate my own mind to think of anything sexual, the more these argues grow strong and stronger. l am trying to have a fixed day everyday so that l always have something to do, if only there was a way to just free or remove all these sort of bad sides of me. l am always scared that somebody l might be known for my bad ways, l know l might not be baddest person or someone with the most darkest parts in them, but l still don't feel comfortable living as if l am a slave to my mind and body. l wish l could be in control all time to control my feelings, thoughts, imagination and actions, but all bad things have to come to and end at some time in life. Today l don't masturbate nor watch porn l actually didn't feel as if l am trying to avoid this dark person l felt free to go about my day, some times l feel as if someone can tell what l am doing or thinking, maybe l should feel this way so that l have some kind of limit to my thinking and actions, but these days am sort of flooding my day to movies and series which is bad cause l have a lot of school work to do, more to read, more to research and many more things to do, am trying to wake up early at 7 but still waking up at 8 or some minutes after but l will find my way back to 7am soon, am planning to have more things to do so that my mind always feels l have important things to do every time and l also feel as if l need someone to just open up to at times when l feel down or empty.
So these this girl from church we were friends when her and l were kids but then boarding school happened and we sort of drifted apart every time l visited but now l am here forever now, l haven't really found the time to talk to her just the two of us, l guess its hard to talk to someone you feel has been your long love before you meant them, am actually scared to talk to here, like what will l say, what if she has grown to someone or something else and am now just that person from church, but its better to try than live with regrets, l hope to meet her soon and hopefully l will say something to her l maybe get her number. But all is well for my recovery which is one of the most important thing right now to fix.
So these this girl from church we were friends when her and l were kids but then boarding school happened and we sort of drifted apart every time l visited but now l am here forever now, l haven't really found the time to talk to her just the two of us, l guess its hard to talk to someone you feel has been your long love before you meant them, am actually scared to talk to here, like what will l say, what if she has grown to someone or something else and am now just that person from church, but its better to try than live with regrets, l hope to meet her soon and hopefully l will say something to her l maybe get her number. But all is well for my recovery which is one of the most important thing right now to fix.