New Life

[Seer]

I turned 26 in October, 2021

- Discovered P and M at age 11. First time ever was to a bra catalog I found in the mail
- Internet P use started at age 12
- High-speed P from age 14
- Noticeably addicted by 15/16
- PIED at 17, to real women and P
- Currently 1 month from turning 26. Live with my girlfriend. Still have PIED, but I can have sex ~70-100% EQ 1-3x per week. It fades VERY quickly when not stimulated. MW is usually 40-70%, fades the second I get out of bed.

Symptoms: Brain fog, PIED, PE (on bad days I almost instantly O with PIV), very poor focus/concentration, memory issues, visual snow, visual afterburn, tinnitus, lack of motivation, always very tired even after 9 hours of sleep (with good sleep hygiene), general lack of aggressive/assertive nature I possessed when young, I often receive comments on my eyes looking fried (I don't drink or do drugs), low energy, low general libido (just pockets of this weird techno-sexual, extreme lust). The brain fog makes me feel VERY unintelligent, this makes university FAR more challenging than it could be.

Symptoms get strange if I PMO. Almost always on days I PMO I have this very strange experience of finding it impossible to sleep. I will have weird recurring P flashbacks for literally 3-5 hours before falling asleep, when I haven't PMO'd for a few days I reliably fall asleep within 15 minutes.

All of these symptoms get worse if I O (irrespective of how), so I'm going to listen to my body and avoid O.

I detail my symptoms not for sympathy, but to serve as a record to look back upon in the coming months.

Goals:
- No P FOREVER
- No M FOREVER
- As many no O streaks as I can

 

[Seer]

October
PMO: 0
P: 4x (5min, 10min, 10min, 5min) - Ranging from images to vids
Sex O: 3x
Wet Dream: 1x

Longest without O in October: 2 weeks, no WD in this time which was very surprising.

I'm current at 3 weeks with no smartphone. I've also cut back on tech use. I'm trying to use my pc only when necessary. Ideally I'd check my messenger and gmail 1x/day, currently it's around 4x/day.

No PMO in October, now for no P in November.

I had some very tough days last week. Perhaps withdrawal, perhaps not. I felt like death all of the time. Brain fog and ability to focus can be near debilitating. Sex drive swings from ridiculous power, to flatline and back, weekly.

 

[canguro]

Hey man, I had major problems with brain fog, too! I never felt like I was really awake mentally. What really helped me besides quitting porn was quitting all those other mindless activities and dopamine traps. I quit social media, videogames, YT, netflix, cut down my screen time and started engaging in things that strengthen my willpower. Cold showers every morning, going running every day I don't hit the gym, meditating for 10 min every evening and learning to concentrate better through reading, listening to scientific podcasts etc.
Also meeting more with friends and learning to enjoy small things like cooking or just cleaning the flat.

My concentration improved rapidly, I feel much more focused and awake in general, my short term memory improved and much more. I am feeling much more energetic and extroverted.

I hope you can derive benefit from my experience!

 

[Seer]

Hey man, I had major problems with brain fog, too! I never felt like I was really awake mentally. What really helped me besides quitting porn was quitting all those other mindless activities and dopamine traps. I quit social media, videogames, YT, netflix, cut down my screen time and started engaging in things that strengthen my willpower. Cold showers every morning, going running every day I don't hit the gym, meditating for 10 min every evening and learning to concentrate better through reading, listening to scientific podcasts etc.
Also meeting more with friends and learning to enjoy small things like cooking or just cleaning the flat.

My concentration improved rapidly, I feel much more focused and awake in general, my short term memory improved and much more. I am feeling much more energetic and extroverted.

I hope you can derive benefit from my experience!

Thank you!

That's really great to hear, sounds like you're putting really good effort in, well done man.

I have 3 months off university soon and I plan on doing 2 months without my laptop. I will be working all Summer, so I have no reason to use my PC. I'll also only be using an old nokia button phone for calls/text messages. I will have no excuses to use P. Most of my relapses happen when I see random triggers online, so I need to remove this possibility. I may allow for a couple hours of TV per week.

 

[Seer]

I PMO'd once in November (around the 17th).

Excluding one lesser event, I haven't looked at any P since the date mentioned above. The 'event'; I was online shopping for some new clothes and I clicked on a few lingerie listings. This was 2 days ago.

I took 1 month almost entirely off screens after my PMO in November. I put my PC and phone away, and only used my partners phone for very very basic checks (bank and email) about once per day. It was well worth it. I'm now back on the PC mostly for work, so far things have been fine.

I've definitely noticed increases in my libido and the strength of O when with my partner.

The key to my success is going to be becoming almost exclusively action driven. 99% of my relapses is when I'm 'bored' with 'nothing to do' and I'm aimlessly browsing online. I've aimlessly browsed twice since November and the feeling it gives is very unpleasant (P or not). No more forums (besides sparse updates here or for learning) and no more gaming.

I've experienced heightened anxiety the past week. Who knows if it's poor sleep as of late, porn withdrawals or the fact that I'm planning to move continent in the coming months. It's always very difficult to describe anxiety, when in these states everything from small sounds and bright light feels like it becomes too much to bare, even ones own thoughts become an object of fear. It can often give the feeling that one is going crazy. I've always been able to bring myself back from the brink of a panic attack, and I will continue to do so. It seems I go through a bit of anxiety every year around January, with each year is significantly lessens. I need to ensure I sleep adequately and practice Yoga Nidra daily.

Until next time.

 

[Seer]

Over 9 weeks no PMO or hardcore P, now.

I've O'd maybe 5x this month. 1x Wet Dream, 1x MO, 3x Sex.
I've peeked 2-3 times this month. No tube sites or videos, I clicked/observed popups on other sites, all less than 5min each.

I've definitely felt the urges building lately. A combination of poor sleep for the past 2 months, less sex with my girlfriend lately, being a young male and more time spent on screens generally exposing me to more suggestive content. I think even just being on a screen while sorting out this addiction is a bit like walking into a bar and trying to not order beer.

I can sort out the sleep thing with more discipline, this means making and really sticking to a good night routine.

I can definitely get off of screens more - there's really no need for me to be on screens for more than 60min 1x/day at the moment.

As for the sex with girlfriend / being a young male with a libido thing. Well, that's more complicated and probably better left for another day. I have plenty of small fires to put out before dealing with that one. Though, before I forget, I did read something from Robert Bly the other day - about sexuality and trying to keep in on a lead. For my entire childhood / teenage years sex was something that was very taboo in my house. Now I'm dealing with trying to sort out this addiction and pretend to my girlfriend that I'm far less horny than I actually am, things get a bit tricky. Basically, it feels like being caged from a very early point in life. Robert Bly warns about effectively this, if you deny yourself something, the more and more you deny and repress the urge, the more and more likely it is to come out with greater force somewhere down the road.

So I'm going to table that and try focus on other things for now, I have enough on my plate for the next couple of months.

 

[forestwater]

Good luck! The staying away from screens thing is something I need to work on. It's tricky because I work remotely and thus need to be looking at a screen for large portions of the day, but there are things I should be doing to cut down on non-work screen usage.

 

[Seer]

Good luck! The staying away from screens thing is something I need to work on. It's tricky because I work remotely and thus need to be looking at a screen for large portions of the day, but there are things I should be doing to cut down on non-work screen usage.

Thank you, friend. It was the no.1 thing I've ever done for this addiction.

 

[Seer]

Posting here because I clicked on a P image and stared at it for about 15 seconds.

I've been visiting a forum which is unrestricted in it's content lately. I don't know what it is but I've felt this pull growing and growing. Additionally, my girlfriend rejecting sexuality 90% of the time is really starting to become unbearable. I've had a few dreams about being trapped/caged, knowing my girlfriend somehow has some kind of key to open it. In reality, I hold the key to this cage. Nothing is forcing me to stay in a monogamous relationship besides my own mind. I need to do whatever I must to not go back to P.

 

[dopaminer]

Over 9 weeks no PMO or hardcore P, now.

Hey man, congrats on this 9 week streak!

The key to my success is going to be becoming almost exclusively action driven. 99% of my relapses is when I'm 'bored' with 'nothing to do' and I'm aimlessly browsing online. I've aimlessly browsed twice since November and the feeling it gives is very unpleasant (P or not). No more forums (besides sparse updates here or for learning) and no more gaming.

It seems like you're making really good progress, and are pretty in-tune with what causes you to potentially slip. I've definitely found that idle time near a computer or other screens is definitely the WORST and most tempting time for me. If I'm not sucked into PMO, I'm just mindlessly reading through a bunch of random and ultimately useless forums. I've started trying to redirect this idle attention any time I've noticed it. The easiest thing to redirect to is reading, and I've started rediscovering how much I love a good book! It's the quickest and easiest way to redirect attention. But even just getting up and going for a walk, doing some minor cleaning, or doing some stretching can help break the funk. Hopefully some of those might help you!

For my entire childhood / teenage years sex was something that was very taboo in my house. Now I'm dealing with trying to sort out this addiction and pretend to my girlfriend that I'm far less horny than I actually am, things get a bit tricky. Basically, it feels like being caged from a very early point in life.

I feel like I grew up in a very similar household, and I totally know what you mean. If possible, and I recognize it could be hard to do, I'd definitely recommend trying to approach the topic (both sex generally, and porn specifically) with your girlfriend. I fell into the same trap of feeling like I needed to hide parts of me, and it absolutely never ended well. Even though it's uncomfortable you should try to bring it up. If you don't want to, because you're afraid how she'll react (or that she'll leave) it doesn't hurt to admit that fear either (although I will acknowledge it's not easy).

All the best, man. Wishing you well!

 

[Seer]

Thanks for your comment, friend.

I will definitely try to read more! Though I'm not squeaky clean yet, this cleaner period has definitely improved my concentration and memory and I've noticed I've often felt some desire to read. I have picked up a book a few times but I haven't turned it into a habit yet. And yes! Little household chores are always my go to when I feel idle.

I've had this discussion with my girlfriend many times, it was certainly worth it. She's great, one of the most down-to-earth people I've ever met, very supportive. She doesn't (from a personal experience point of view) quite understand what it's like to have cravings and/or high libido. She only ever M's maaaaybe 1-3x per year - throughout her life - and has never had a one night stand. So we're coming from completely opposite sides of the libido continuum.

Anytime I look at P, even very slight peeks I tell her about it - I did promise her I would, I've 99% stuck to that promise. This promise sometimes has it's own little shame cycle of 'ughhh I peeked, now I have to go make my confession'. I made the promise, so I stick to it. But I'm not really sure if this helps or harms me. One thing I think absolutely helps is to never lie about this stuff. Whenever she asks a question, my response is very honest. I've told 3 people in my personal life about this addiction. A couple of years ago I told my mother and sister, the response from my mother was quite negative.

I think it's fair to say that small, deliberate actions to help elements of our psyche out of our shadow will help us long term. I remember learning about the shadow some time ago, I've heard 'Iron John' - by Robert Bly is an excellent resource for aiding this process.

My girlfriend is moving away for 1-2 months for some work related stuff. I think it's going to be a good opportunity to help me re-gain some independence. From a very early age I felt a fierce desire to be on my own until 23, for the past 2 years we've lived together and this will be the longest I've been on my own. It's going to be strange, but refreshing.

-----------------

Quick update.

I'm now about 90 days no PMO. During this time I've O'd from sex probably 10 times, MO'd to fantasy 3x and peeked, hmm, 10 times? Only one of these instances was a video. All of the others were still images.

I'm definitely making progress. Perhaps only 2 or 3 times I've gone past 90 days without videos. I can be happy with that.

I need to be extra diligent now, life stressors are currently quite high and that always encourages a relapse. Perhaps a weekly update here would serve me.

One thing I'll mention, I've tried many things in my time to help with this addiction. Most recently I tried Hatha yoga, I've now engaged about 5 sessions and I find it incredibly grounding. Standard mindfulness meditation always made me feel a bit weird and flighty. Yoga is very effective for getting my mind into my body.

 

[Fappy]

well done on the 90 day mark!