Amor Fati (Recovery Journal)

Jswizzle

Jswizzle

Active Member
Monday, October 3rd 2022
Struggled today and relapsed. Full PMO. Been doing better up until today. Searched for and found websites that allow images. Couldn't sleep this morning. Woke up at 4 am and couldn't go back to bed. Succumbed to temptation.
Contributing factors: tired, elevated stress, arguing earlier in the day with my spouse.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Keep fighting the good fight @Jswizzle, this happens. Never forget, you're not the guy you were 10 months ago, you've only slipped a few days out of 10 months!

Learn from it, and keep on moving.
 
Jswizzle

Jswizzle

Active Member
Sunday, October 9th, 2022
Relapsed. Full PMO. Again it's the websites that allow explicit images my filters are not catching. I know how to get around the filter.
Contributing factors: Stress, shame, disappointment, fighting with my spouse.
 
Jswizzle

Jswizzle

Active Member
October 19th 2022

Relapsed last night. PMO. Doing my best to keep accountable. Searched for pornographic PDFs as my phone filter limits much of the streaming websites.
Contributing factors: turned down from my wife for sexual intimacy, it was late at night after working all day (rejected, not prioritized, emotionally invalidated). Also feeling stressed and hopeless due to the state of affairs of the world right now. Feeling financially strapped as it seems personal debt is getting bigger. Seems like life is just an exercise in futility.
 
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