Remembrance
New Member
I really don't know how to start this. In any case, I'm sorry for the long text and any grammar errors, this isn't my native language.
So, I think I started watching porn around 11 - 12 years (Right now I'm 19 years old), didn't do it a lot back then but once I knew what masturbation was it's been downhill from there. I've never had that much confidence to be honest, but I had friends, also I have never had a relationship and nowadays, I think it's because of my addiction I can't properly talk with girls without getting nervous and coy about it.
Anyway when I started noticing the addiction was when I lost contact with a dear friend of mine trying to start a relationship, in fact it was the only month when I didn't watch any porn at all, thing is, after that I started changing, and I didn't know why. I started getting attracted to males which was weird because I'm a straight guy, then it went on to trans women it got to a point where I would start crying in class because I didn't recognize myself and felt wrong about everything in me. The addiction started to grow stronger with all this negative thoughts trying to escape reality. This is the first time I talk about my addiction because I feel totally ashamed by it.
So the addiction went from vanilla to femdom, then I found sissy porn and that's where something broke inside me because it wasn't just that it was the forced fem hypnosis as well. It's gotten to a point where my brain wants to be blank and focused on entirely pleasure, a point in which I see myself as a girl and can't know for certain if that truly is me or something that came out of the suggestions. I'm really scared because If I keep going like this it will only get me deeper into the rabbit hole and I don't want that to happen.
If anyone reads this at all thank you so much for your time, I really wanted to get this out of me, talk to someone anyone, and I would gladly accept suggestions and advices, I really need them, I've tried doing it by sheer will, but it isn't enough i mostly relapse by the fifth day. Anyway thank you guys.
So, I think I started watching porn around 11 - 12 years (Right now I'm 19 years old), didn't do it a lot back then but once I knew what masturbation was it's been downhill from there. I've never had that much confidence to be honest, but I had friends, also I have never had a relationship and nowadays, I think it's because of my addiction I can't properly talk with girls without getting nervous and coy about it.
Anyway when I started noticing the addiction was when I lost contact with a dear friend of mine trying to start a relationship, in fact it was the only month when I didn't watch any porn at all, thing is, after that I started changing, and I didn't know why. I started getting attracted to males which was weird because I'm a straight guy, then it went on to trans women it got to a point where I would start crying in class because I didn't recognize myself and felt wrong about everything in me. The addiction started to grow stronger with all this negative thoughts trying to escape reality. This is the first time I talk about my addiction because I feel totally ashamed by it.
So the addiction went from vanilla to femdom, then I found sissy porn and that's where something broke inside me because it wasn't just that it was the forced fem hypnosis as well. It's gotten to a point where my brain wants to be blank and focused on entirely pleasure, a point in which I see myself as a girl and can't know for certain if that truly is me or something that came out of the suggestions. I'm really scared because If I keep going like this it will only get me deeper into the rabbit hole and I don't want that to happen.
If anyone reads this at all thank you so much for your time, I really wanted to get this out of me, talk to someone anyone, and I would gladly accept suggestions and advices, I really need them, I've tried doing it by sheer will, but it isn't enough i mostly relapse by the fifth day. Anyway thank you guys.