Finally getting Right!

[Unashamed]

They say the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem…. But I’ve admitted I’ve had a problem for years, but I’m no better for it. But that’s my own fault and starting this time around, I can already feel it’s going to be different.

I’ve struggled with sexual addiction and pornography for as long as I can remember. For me it’s always been a nagging demon in the background of who I am and what I do. At times in my life it’s had a bigger presence and lives more in the foreground, but no matter how hard I’ve tried to suppress and bury it, it always has re-emerged.

I’ve been to therapy and it worked for a while but when I relapsed I stopped therapy because I couldn’t admit to someone else that I had failed. I hate failing and I hate loosing, so for me it was easier just to pretend I hadn’t failed then actually admitting I had failed.

I currently have a good life, family, with a wife that’s been more than patient and forgiving, but even that’s wearing thin. I need to get my crap together or else I could loose all respect that I have from her. In her words, she doesn’t see me “trying” to get better. But she’s distancing herself from me and a agree that there’s more that I need to be doing, but honestly it’s just difficult.

All that said, I’m going to be better! I’m day 3 clean right now, and I’m feeling good. I’m glad I finally found this resource to help me be the best me, porn free. I want to be active on here and help me tell my story so hopefully it will not only help me but I’d love to help others, when I’m finally in the right mind, to succeed on their journey as well!

 

[logicprox]

I feel you on the never wanting to admit failing issue. Both for PMO and other things. I am working through that at the same time as working through PMO as I think they are connected. Perfectionism and the desire to be perceived as perfect drive a lot of anxiety in my life, and PMO is a (bad) coping mechanism for anxiety, for me at least. In my (limited) experience, dealing with the underlying issues that drive my feelings and emotional reaction to PMO is making my current attempt to get off PMO the healthiest, easiest, and most successful I have ever had.

 

[Unashamed]

I feel you on the never wanting to admit failing issue. Both for PMO and other things. I am working through that at the same time as working through PMO as I think they are connected. Perfectionism and the desire to be perceived as perfect drive a lot of anxiety in my life, and PMO is a (bad) coping mechanism for anxiety, for me at least. In my (limited) experience, dealing with the underlying issues that drive my feelings and emotional reaction to PMO is making my current attempt to get off PMO the healthiest, easiest, and most successful I have ever had.

I’ve talk to a therapist about it too, the whole underlying reason behind PMO, and we try to use the excuse that “I’m horny” and he pointed out that that logic is bull crap. It’s all about the the justification of why we get triggered or why we give in, figuring that out and then either trying to avoid those situations or when those situations come along, acknowledging them, and then let them go, not giving into the desires that arise from them!

 

[hamilton8]

hey @Unashamed good luck with your recovery! you can do it!

 

[Unashamed]

Day 4 going strong! Staying busy but at the same time being mindful of what I’m thinking and doing. Will update with more later but just wanted to drop this little update in now just in case I run out of time later!

 

[Unashamed]

So to add a little more today

Luckily I haven’t suffered from PIED, but I have been affected by DE. This hasn’t been a huge issue, but the comments of, “are you going to cum,” or “do I not pleasure you” always stung a little. I could definitely tell a difference between DG and the real thing and I’d always have to concentrate harder to cum during intercourse, which took a little fun out of the love making.

Looking back at the progression of how my usage has, and I hate to use the terminology, progressed, really stumps me and stupefies me. I first got caught in HS, on a school computer, that I somehow found a loop hole in their firewall. I think I spent a total of 30-45 sec on the sight clicking around, but it was enough to 1) get me in trouble so I lost internet privileges for a few months 2) spark curiousity about what I had seen.

I grew up in a religious home, and I still am. We never talked about sex, sexuality, etc… even kissing scenes in movies were portrayed as “bad”. I’m pretty sure I never had “the talk” but kind of discovered everything out on my own. That being said after getting in trouble, a parents signature was required, and guess what I did, forged my mother’s signature because I didn’t want to face my parents. Not out of fear but out of the fact that I knew I’d disappointed them.

Needless they found out anyway, and weren’t mad, (well maybe a little for the signature) but they handled it really well, which should’ve had going to them easier in the future , but it didn’t.

I was wasn’t a trouble maker or a rebel or someone looking for trouble, and this incident of punishment sums up my record at school and my visits to the principles office. I had a successful high school career in sports, helping win 2 state championships in sports and being named athlete of the year in my graduating class. I’d go on to play college baseball and make good grades in school and graduate with a job in the field I got my degree in.

Im not saying that to brag, but to show that luckily I haven’t been rendered helpless by my addiction, and I think that could be the biggest hinderance to my being able to kick my habits. For the longest time I felt like I was in control, feeling like I could stop when ever I wanted, I wasn’t really hurting anyone, and although religiously I knew it was wrong as well as common sense as well as science would dispute the morality as well as the mental effects pornography have.

And once again, I haven’t hit rock bottom currently, (that’s a story for another day) but I know that if I don’t change I easily could. Yes I’m making this journey to help right my marriage and gain back trust with my wife. But more importantly I want to do this for me. Get my head cleared, get my emotions under check and quick living a sup-satisfied life. I’m better than what I’ve been in the past and I know it.

If you’ve made it this far in my discord I appreciate your ears! Good luck on your individual journey, it ain’t easy, and unfortunately this may or may not be a life long struggle depending on your goals! But if it was easy, would we really appreciate the journey as much? We all have our demons, but the great thing is we don’t have to battle them on our own! Strength in numbers y’all!!! Fight the good fight!

 

[hamilton8]

keep going mate..i also suffe from DE......i would recommend no masturbation as your mind and hand gets used to that, and its different to being inside a woman.....keep going!

 

[Jswizzle]

They say the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem…. But I’ve admitted I’ve had a problem for years, but I’m no better for it. But that’s my own fault and starting this time around, I can already feel it’s going to be different.

I’ve struggled with sexual addiction and pornography for as long as I can remember. For me it’s always been a nagging demon in the background of who I am and what I do. At times in my life it’s had a bigger presence and lives more in the foreground, but no matter how hard I’ve tried to suppress and bury it, it always has re-emerged.

I’ve been to therapy and it worked for a while but when I relapsed I stopped therapy because I couldn’t admit to someone else that I had failed. I hate failing and I hate loosing, so for me it was easier just to pretend I hadn’t failed then actually admitting I had failed.

I currently have a good life, family, with a wife that’s been more than patient and forgiving, but even that’s wearing thin. I need to get my crap together or else I could loose all respect that I have from her. In her words, she doesn’t see me “trying” to get better. But she’s distancing herself from me and a agree that there’s more that I need to be doing, but honestly it’s just difficult.

All that said, I’m going to be better! I’m day 3 clean right now, and I’m feeling good. I’m glad I finally found this resource to help me be the best me, porn free. I want to be active on here and help me tell my story so hopefully it will not only help me but I’d love to help others, when I’m finally in the right mind, to succeed on their journey as well!

Unashamed,

Seems like you and I have some things in common in regard to our story. I plan on following your posts and want to support you. I have tried many times to quit pornography and many times I have failed. I have known I've had a problem for many years. Probably since I was 18 or 19 years old. I'm 38 now and have been married for 17 years keeping this shit a secret from my spouse. She knows I have struggled with pornography, but has no idea of the extent or depth of my use.

I hate failing. I have failed many years at trying to stop using pornography. I have come to the conclusion that I am powerless over my addiction, I'm tired of living a lie, a double life, and I can't do this alone. For me, I think it's important to acknowledge when I fail, when I slip, and to be brutally honest with myself. The person my addiction has hurt most is myself as I've led an inauthentic life.

Denial is part of the disease of addiction. Having an ongoing recovery from other various forms of addiction, I have discovered regardless of the substance choice (alcohol, food, sex, pornography, vaping, smoking, exercise, social media, online gaming, codependency, people pleasing), the reason I use is to avoid feelings or emotions and deep feelings of inadequacy.

I'm glad you're part of the forum buddy. I wish you and your family well in your journey.

 

[pauljones100]

Yea man, we're victim of the deception that porn toke advantage over our ignorance.

BUT now that we know better we have to do better.

We have done what is easy sooo long, so now we have to do the opposite and that is to do what is hard.

Daily.

-Wake up early
-Exercise the body and mind (work out/read)
-Drink water (gallon a day)
-Eat light. Eat green.
-Get sleep. Plenty of it.

Over time, you will see results.

Cuddle with ur partner.

Refrain from Orgasms for at least a month.

Those cause the flatlines.

 

[Unashamed]

Day 5 and I’m still on the wagon! Feeling very mindful of my feelings today. Several times I felt my self thinking that it would feel good to go PMO, then quickly snapping of the thought, acknowledging it, and then finding something productive to do.

I’m trying to get more motivated. It’s tough though! I’ve found myself less and less motivated to do anything as of late but I want that to change. I got my crap organized at work and it feels really good to have that done. I have several projects at the house that I need to get wrapped up for my sanity as well as the sanity of my wife. It’s tough with the colder weather but I feel like if I can get my mind clear again the projects will be easier to get motivated to do!

 

[reboot_8716]

It’s so interesting how opposite issues can cause the same struggles. I don’t have DE, I have PE, and sometimes I find myself wishing that I did have DE so I could actually last longer than a minute! I think because I always focused on fapping as fast as I could I trained my brain to jump straight to cumming. Often times I cum as my erection is reaching full strength and can’t even get to penetration which is stressful and emasculating

keep up the hard work and keep talking with your spouse.

 

[Unashamed]

It’s so interesting how opposite issues can cause the same struggles. I don’t have DE, I have PE, and sometimes I find myself wishing that I did have DE so I could actually last longer than a minute! I think because I always focused on fapping as fast as I could I trained my brain to jump straight to cumming. Often times I cum as my erection is reaching full strength and can’t even get to penetration which is stressful and emasculating

keep up the hard work and keep talking with your spouse.

I agree! We all have our battles, demons and struggles, but that’s what makes us unique and worth right for!

 

[pauljones100]

Day 5 and I’m still on the wagon! Feeling very mindful of my feelings today. Several times I felt my self thinking that it would feel good to go PMO, then quickly snapping of the thought, acknowledging it, and then finding something productive to do.

I’m trying to get more motivated. It’s tough though! I’ve found myself less and less motivated to do anything as of late but I want that to change. I got my crap organized at work and it feels really good to have that done. I have several projects at the house that I need to get wrapped up for my sanity as well as the sanity of my wife. It’s tough with the colder weather but I feel like if I can get my mind clear again the projects will be easier to get motivated to do!

Yea I get you. I am still on the journey myself. I am currently on a flatline, but what has helped me with the urges is staying busy. Working out. But doing workouts that I enjoy. Like sports.

U have to ask urself...

what do u want?... Do u wanna gain confidence or remain to feel useless... the choice is yours. No one else's

 

[hamilton8]

keep going unashamed......i have been thinking about the flat line.......with any come down from any high into a depressed state, a porn flatline, or tired after intensive exercise....you mind goes into this relaxed state and a low mood level. I have been thinking maybe this state of mind is a natural process the mind needs to heal and prune memories and experiences to be able to give your mind the ability to leapfrog into happiness through experiences.......maybe the porn flatline is the brains healing period.....there seems to be this mild stigma around the flatline- but maybe instead we have to lean into it, because i beleive this is the healing process....so maybe we can feel warmth and lean into the flatline as this is the healing time, so if we lean into it, this will allow our minds to prune all the porn out of our mind.........the famous Rock Johnson says- find your grounding- for him its intense workouts at 4am....something to ground his mind into a flatline....to then be able to stringboard off it when required......i will treat any flatline of mine as proof of progress and lean into it with comfort- i believe this will enhance the healing process.

 

[reboot_8716]

keep going unashamed......i have been thinking about the flat line.......with any come down from any high into a depressed state, a porn flatline, or tired after intensive exercise....you mind goes into this relaxed state and a low mood level. I have been thinking maybe this state of mind is a natural process the mind needs to heal and prune memories and experiences to be able to give your mind the ability to leapfrog into happiness through experiences.......maybe the porn flatline is the brains healing period.....there seems to be this mild stigma around the flatline- but maybe instead we have to lean into it, because i beleive this is the healing process....so maybe we can feel warmth and lean into the flatline as this is the healing time, so if we lean into it, this will allow our minds to prune all the porn out of our mind.........the famous Rock Johnson says- find your grounding- for him its intense workouts at 4am....something to ground his mind into a flatline....to then be able to stringboard off it when required......i will treat any flatline of mine as proof of progress and lean into it with comfort- i believe this will enhance the healing process.

I agree, I almost welcome it because it means I’m making a change. I think people just fear it will last forever and convince themselves it’s not worth the effort.

I’ve noticed a lot of irritability in the last few days which I think is because I’m below whatever my future baseline dopamine level will be as my brain adjusts. Which means I’m healing even if currently it doesn’t feel great.

 

[Unashamed]

keep going unashamed......i have been thinking about the flat line.......with any come down from any high into a depressed state, a porn flatline, or tired after intensive exercise....you mind goes into this relaxed state and a low mood level. I have been thinking maybe this state of mind is a natural process the mind needs to heal and prune memories and experiences to be able to give your mind the ability to leapfrog into happiness through experiences.......maybe the porn flatline is the brains healing period.....there seems to be this mild stigma around the flatline- but maybe instead we have to lean into it, because i beleive this is the healing process....so maybe we can feel warmth and lean into the flatline as this is the healing time, so if we lean into it, this will allow our minds to prune all the porn out of our mind.........the famous Rock Johnson says- find your grounding- for him its intense workouts at 4am....something to ground his mind into a flatline....to then be able to stringboard off it when required......i will treat any flatline of mine as proof of progress and lean into it with comfort- i believe this will enhance the healing process.

In the past I have been able to go PMO free for close to 6 months and never experienced a flatline. However, whatever I did then did take permanently so I guess maybe I didn’t “do it right” lol.

In the past, I’ve noticed I’ve had worse mood swings when I was binging P, so maybe my body likes the porn free hormone levels.

 

[Unashamed]

Still on the train with day 6! It was a good relaxing Saturday that I was able to spend more time with the family. My wife’s reactions towards me has improved and she was somewhat flirty today, which was a pleasant surprise! We’re talking more and that’s helping! Just a quick update today, just wanted to check in!

 

[hamilton8]

well done unashamed......when your mind triggers and you feel like giving into porn, please take this as a test for you to get through and every one of these tests that you get through will mean that you are closer to being healed......our brains need to push through these cravings to get to healing....

 

[Unashamed]

Week 1 down and it definitely feels good! Opening up I’m here has helped me mentally make sense of my feelings, emotions and urges. Thank you all for your encouragement and support!

Had one instance today where the wife and I were getting a little intimate but we were interrupted before we could actually do anything. As I lay there after she had gone the urge to continue on my own hit me so hard… no pun intended… but for the first time in a while I was able to smile, knowing that in that moment I had the strength to actually save it for when my wife and I are actually intimate. So liberating but also scary to know that in a matter of minutes I could slip up!

It’s stupid how my brain works, knowing that I have a wife that supports me and wants me to be better, loves me and would do anything for me. But in the past, my brain has literally reasoned and justified PMO that it’s okay and not really going to hurt her when and if she finds out. Such an idiot, but shows how my brain or porn thinks and how twisted the reasoning is.

Things I know are far from over, but looking up for me and for my wonderful family!

 

[hamilton8]

thats great to hear that you and your wife were getting intimite....remember a woman wanting to be intimiate with you is a sign in their mind that you are desirable----which means in her mind she can see a change in you for the better! so well done!