Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to reboot.

[MJ1987]

Hi all,

I probably have similar stories to many of you, started with porn in my early teens (14-15) and didnt have sex well into my 25.

That first time of having sex set the stage for the rest of my adulthood, problem getting it up and keeping it up.
I've never had any issues with porn, or with getting blowjobs, but getting hard and staying hard to penetrate was always an issue for me.

Things started to degrage slowly which each wank session.

I had relationship during my 28-30th year, with who I could have regular sex, but as soon as I needed to put on a condom I would fail terribly.
Also switching positions was terrible and usually meant going limp.

Now I got married since a year ago, and the problems have been getting worse and worse.

I started to realise a pattern though. Everytime I would cut back on porn, I'd be able to have better erections.
But then I'd give in again to porn (al sneakily when she is not home), and my PIED would start again.

At the moment it is really bad, I dont even feel sexually aroused anymore by her as soon as I want to have sex with her.
It's like my brain is shutting down everything as soon as I make a move, but with porn I get and keep a rock hard erection.

The past few months have been horrible, we've had sex barely, and meanwhile my porn fetishes have grown disgusting and horrible.
I'm 100% convinced they are related.
The amount of time spent looking at porn the more exhausted my sexual-reward system is at the end of the day.
Same for the material, the more shocking it is, the more exhausted my reward system is. I remember I used to get sick when I saw anal sex for the first time, but nowadays I'm jacking off to the darkest corners of the internet.
When you combine those two, at the end of the day my brain would be just completely fried and the prospects of regular sex didn't do anything for me

I've tried reboot over the past few years, and I managed to get a few time to 14-30 days of porn free life.
I remember how awesome I felt during those days, full of energy and self confidence.
Also great erections. As soon as porn came back, the PIED also returned, and the more disgusting the porn, the worse my PIED got.

Yesterday I made a decision after the so manyth time that I wacked to disgusting shit.
Full reboot. CTRLALTDEL. Never again.

I've never done a blog like this before so hopefully this will help me to stay the course and improve my life, my marriage, my sex life, and my sense of self-worth.

 

[MJ1987]

DAY 1

Unreal... my body is literally begging to wank.
Everything is a trigger, from instagram to television, to 9gag memes.

So far I'm feeling empowered and I have been able to withstand the cravings until they fade.
The key for me is not to fight or surpress it, but to close my eyes and let my body go through whatever it is going through.
it usually takes a few seconds to a minute but it passes inevitably.
I used this techniques to also deal with my smoking cravings, and I have been smoke free for almost a year now (rarely have cravings these days)

More importantly, I feel PROUD having taken action to get rid of this filthy habit.

Wondering when/if the flatline will hit. Probably will have to talk about it with my wife when it does hit.
Has anyone else dealth with the flatline in a marriage / gf situation? Any tips?
Around how many days in can I expect the flatline?

 

[MJ1987]

DAY 2

Nothing weird today, just notice I feel good about myself.
I do feel my confidence is increasing with everyday that passes and also with everytime I am able to resist the cravings.

I do feel the urge to PMO like a splinter in my mind. Everytime I pick up my phone it triggers the pathways that lead me to PMO.
I can actually feel the urge sitting there in my stomach and the back of my brain.
The stomach feeling I can probably best characterise as 'anxiety' like something is missing in my life, which will make me die soon.
The one in my brain is best characterised as 'max alertness', which is definitly the the brain scanning everything to fire triggers to get me to do PMO.


One funny moment was that I randomly made some sexual remarks to my wife by saying nice ass (she was wearing tights), and it made her all giggly. Haven't been able to be and act this way since well over a few months, so it was a nice surprise for us both.
I don't think the pathways in my brain are changing yet, but making this conscious choice to reboot is definitly having an effect on my aura and energy that I radiate.
I feel like other women are also picking up on it (have been getting a lot more random 'heys' from girls passing me by on the street).

Today I have a packed schedule with work and a birthday event in the evening.
The weekend will be the first real test of my resolve.

EDIT: wow my body is really starting the withdrawal process now it seems.
I have this constant anxious feeling in my stomach the entire day. It is especially bad whenever I have the prospects of seeing a girl.
I drove to get some supplies today, and everytime my eye caught a girl, the anxiety got boosted.

i'm like 99% sure this is withdrawal symptom, never realised this before really committing to quitting and listening to my body's signals while rebooting.

So for everyone out there struggling with anxiety, nofap will probably will help with that once you reboot.

EDIT2: I feel like I have a lot of excess energy that I need to channel into something, otherwise I'm going to probably explode or cave.
So I signed up for a gym and will be hitting the gym at least twice a week, as I noticed that other's were feeling the benefits of getting the endorphine and dopamine rushes from physical activity instead of PMO.

 

[Chuckles]

Congratulations on quitting smoking. I gave it up a few years back, and I know it isn't easy.
I personally felt that exercise is a good outlet/substitution. I also had that same sense of noticing girls noticing me, especially at the gym.
Willpower is a finite resource, do you have a plan for when it starts to fail?

 

[MJ1987]

Congratulations on quitting smoking. I gave it up a few years back, and I know it isn't easy.
I personally felt that exercise is a good outlet/substitution. I also had that same sense of noticing girls noticing me, especially at the gym.
Willpower is a finite resource, do you have a plan for when it starts to fail?

Yeah just hit the gym. Felt great to let out some steam.

though it does feel like my flatline is starting already.
kinda weird to hit so quickly, but today I feel absolutely zero attraction and lust towards the ladies.

let’s see how it goes when I get some rest, might be due to exhaustion post first workout since ages.

I think my techniques from quitting smoking will be very useful for this, which was a mixture of breathinf exercises, going for a walk, brushing my teeth, etc, anything to distract my mind

 

[Chuckles]

Yeah just hit the gym. Felt great to let out some steam.

though it does feel like my flatline is starting already.
kinda weird to hit so quickly, but today I feel absolutely zero attraction and lust towards the ladies.

let’s see how it goes when I get some rest, might be due to exhaustion post first workout since ages.

I think my techniques from quitting smoking will be very useful for this, which was a mixture of breathinf exercises, going for a walk, brushing my teeth, etc, anything to distract my mind

The first time I tried to quit porn, the flatline started pretty quickly. Just not much interest in sex at all. But it came and went gradually after a week or two.

 

[MJ1987]

DAY 4:

had sex today with my wife.
It wasn’t good tbh, i was quite hard during foreplay but as soon as I wanted to have sex I could feel the dopamine withdraw and my erection was gone.

I popped a pil (2.5mg cialis) and I was able to have some kind of erection like immediately after (which tells me it is probably anxiety related as the pill takes 30-60 minutes to work).
But then I ejaculated in like 3 minutes, which is I think related to constantly being afraid that my erection will disappear so my body wants to just get it over with.

not sure whether this is PIED or anxiety related, but definitely something that has been bugging me.
I’m guessing PIED has set the stage for performance anxiety related issues.

cravings wise it is still okay. I get the occasional crave but i can quite quickly get my mind off it, by focusing on something else.
The flashbacks to the extreme porn scenes are still there in my mind that get randomly trigger every once in a while, so that explains why I’m still having PIED issues i guess

 

[MJ1987]

The first time I tried to quit porn, the flatline started pretty quickly. Just not much interest in sex at all. But it came and went gradually after a week or two.

The interest in sex recovered again today, so it seemed like it was a false alarm.

though my sex drive is definitly lower than the first 2 days, so could also be the startings of the flatline as my brain is rebalancing

 

[MJ1987]

DAY 5:

Definitely a pick up in craving and triggers today.
I read somewhere that it takes 4 days for your body to cleanse whatever drug was in your system, so it makes sense I'm feeling a lot more urge to PMO today.

So far have been able to withstand the triggers simply by putting my phone away and focusing on work.
It is quite amazing though how strong these triggers feel when they are happening, it's like your entire consciousness gets veiled and PMO is the only thing you can think about.

I had a spontaneous half-erection this morning, so there seems to be some recovery already happening.
Though I won't celebrate until I get consistent morning woods, which usually takes 14-21 days of PMO abstinence I think

 

[particularly_respecting]

Great journal - thank you for posting. It seems very close to my situation (married, 30s, PIED).
Definitely agree about going to the gym and working through the cravings with physical activity.
For me, I definitely find it easier on days when I can get outside and get out of my own head.
Stay strong - I'll be reading and looking for hope from someone going through a similar process!

 

[MJ1987]

Great journal - thank you for posting. It seems very close to my situation (married, 30s, PIED).
Definitely agree about going to the gym and working through the cravings with physical activity.
For me, I definitely find it easier on days when I can get outside and get out of my own head.
Stay strong - I'll be reading and looking for hope from someone going through a similar process!

Thanks man!

Today I have been working from home and have been feeling tired most of the day.
Definitely need to be more careful with triggers, browsing 9GAG almost made me jump on the PMO bandwagon.

So far this day has been the hardest to go through, feels like the withdrawal symptoms are magnifying.

Tomorrow I will be working from the office, that usually makes it much easier to get through the day.


On an other topic, it feels like me genitals have fully healed from the edging side effects.
I used to do a lot of edging and sometimes even in de 'prone' position, which meant painful genitals.
I feel no longer itching and painful feelings while moving around.
Still can't believe I used to be able the signals from my body literally screaming that I need to stop this shit.

Hopefully in the next few days penile sensitivity also returns, though nerve endings regeneration usually takes a lot longer.

 

[MJ1987]

DAY 6:
Feeling really tired today. No idea why, I went to bed quite early, but could sleep well due to muscle soreness. (really bad today, cant move my arms properly).

This would usually be a trigger for me to fap, so i'm glad i'm doing quite good so far.

A girl at a shop was heavily flirting with me today, feels like I am much more confident since I gave up porn and women are DEFINITELY picking up on this.
Also my mind is razorsharp, usually I would be looking for words and thinking about what to say, but nowadays I just blurt out the right things.
She even asked me to stay longer, because it was such a lovely conversation lol.
So I quickly up and left before things escalated, but nice to see some progress.

 

[Chuckles]

Kinda jealous man! But I know I'll get there with the effortless interactions.
Keep it up!

 

[MJ1987]

DAY 7:
again feeling really tired today.
I'm doubting whether this is related to muscle soreness.

Has anyone ever experienced extreme tiredness as withdrawal symptom?
I'll try some cardio later today to get rid of this, I definitely notice the urge to fap has increased since I have been feeling so tired.
Mostly because I am spending more time lying down and browsing my phone, with all the trigger that belong to it.

 

[Burnside627]

I have been getting tired, but it is from being stressed out. I got a decent night sleep last night, but have been fighting a sinus infection I believe. Unless it’s withdrawal, but being clean from porn for a couple of days I’m not sure. Everyone is different.
I feel when you are tired it can lead to doing things to regulate yourself. For me being tired,angry,anxious,depressed are all reasons for me to seek PMO. Same deal like if you go food shopping when you are hungry. You get stuff you don’t need.
As far as triggers from your phone. It’s such an easy device for me to just surf up porn. Luckily my wife agreed to help me with using an accountability app. I am trying to rebuild trust with her and by having her know what I am looking at is keeping me on the narrow. I also deleted some apps and set up parental co trips that she has the password for. So whatever is on my phone is it. No ability to download anything else. This is helping me. I can say if your phone triggers you, place it in another room, limit your screen time to “x” amount of hours, use it for only what you need it for, and lastly I seen some people go to “dumb” phones. The last is hard since we as a society are so used to our little computers.
good luck and stay positive man. Look through everyone’s posts and see what is working for you. Find someone that has time and is working something good. Try and utilize their tools.

 

[Chuckles]

I think making a big life change takes a lot of mental energy. It's like your mind becomes exhausted doing the work of fixing all those neural pathways.

 

[MJ1987]

Today is a lot harder.. i am feeling the Day 7 PMO urge hitting hard today.

i read on some website that apparently it is quite common for most guys to get this unstoppable fap urge at day 7.

i think i have to leave my phone in a different room today.

i came very close to caving and Googleing for porn..
kinda stupid that something so primal manages to control every aspect of our lives

 

[Burnside627]

If it’s common to have an urge try and be uncommon. It’s a statistic right? Beat the normal. Do you think you need to leave your phone in another room or you definitely should. Imagine taking a drink of water and just pressing that bottle to your lips. It takes half a second to just take a sip. Don’t even get to that point.

 

[logicprox]

About to sound slightly preachy and I apologize lol, but this has been a huge part of my first truly successful time away from porn. When I started my current run (that I intend to be the one final unending run) I put myself on a dopamine detox for a week. Of course, in modern life a phone is just sort of essential so didn't eliminate touching my phone but what I did was set my phone in another room and start an hour timer. Until that timer went off I had to find something else to do. when it went off, I just checked for messages and then set another timer. I have not gone back to how I used it before and I don't miss it.

If it sounds hard to stay away from your phone for an hour, that tells you something about what the internet has done to our brains. You don't need your phone every moment of the day. There's rarely anything you need to attend to on it, and when there is, putting it off for an hour isn't going to destroy your life. Most things we do on our phones serve no purpose and don't better our lives. Stop giving Mark Zuckerberg and Tik Tok your precious one life.

Mindless internet and social media scrolling activate the same supernormal dopamine overstimulation pathways as porn, just to a slightly lesser degree. Doing one feeds the other.

All that to say, put your phone in another room and find something fulfilling to do. Not sure what to do? Sounds like a great time to start a new hobby.

Just my overly preachy take.

 

[MJ1987]

I fully agree with the points made!

Smart phones are definitely a part of the porn problem of this age.

It used to be that you needed to find a moment alone in the living room to fap before the tv or the pc.
Nowadays, you can do it all under the blankets in your bed...

I'm not using social media that much fortunately, but I have been way too obsessed with crypto trading and investing these few years.

I've started a course on blockchain development, so definitely a good idea to focus my efforts on that and keep my mind busy.

I've had a few close calls today where I almost caved (the last one was an hour ago).
It's just unreal how strong my mind is responding to simple triggers.
It reminded me of this quote of Elon Musk: