The beginning

[RunPierreRun]

Hi to the one(s) who read my lines.
I am 48.
I use porn fom my teenage times, more than one time a week.
I am living in a relationship with a beautiful woman with her 19y old daughter from her previous marriage and our 4y old daughter.
I have no other relationship, no other woman and there is no need.
Porn gives everything I need. No specialities. But an action may take 2-3 hours.
I smoke during watching porn, that gives double addiction (probably), I dont know. Normally I don't smoke.
Some weeks ago it turned out, my partner found me. She was so good not blaming but trying to help.
A week after i fell back. Shame, I blame myself.
I could list the reasons why I do it or why I fall back again and again, but that would be pathetic.
I want to be strong, now I am not.

Yesterday night I made it again and she realized, I tried to lie not doing it, but she knew.
I want to start a new life (age 48!), to come back to life since now I am an outsider of my own life.
So I list the BAD of porn:
loosing time-putting important things aside-being tired watching by night-loosing focus of life-loosing friends-feeling depressed-loosing partner-focusing on myself, being selfish-not seeing the nice things around me-feeling more and more weak
I list the GOOD as well, to know what to substitute:
nice shaped bodies-nice look of girls-feeling shivering during watching-excited about forbidden thing-being alone-loosing link to real life.
Ok so lets RUN.
I come back tonight to give me strength to hold on.

 

[Prakash]

Are you have any sexual dysfunction.. Are you doing sex regularly?

 

[RunPierreRun]

I would say yes, I'm not the same I was. It takes more time to get immersed, to tune in and we have only some time to get to each other. We have a 4yo daughter who separates us by night, my partner or me sleeps with her. This is part of the problem, not absolving my responsibility.
Are you having the similar problems?

 

[guitar1968]

I would say yes, I'm not the same I was. It takes more time to get immersed, to tune in and we have only some time to get to each other. We have a 4yo daughter who separates us by night, my partner or me sleeps with her. This is part of the problem, not absolving my responsibility.
Are you having the similar problems?

My daughter is now 16. No doubt having a child definitely puts a damper on sex and being close to your partner. My partner and I have a lot of problems. I started experiencing PIED before my daughter came along. I struggled to maintain erections mostly, but would be able to from time to time but all the while I was masturbating to porn 2 or 3 times a day. Maybe more. So, as I got older it just harder and harder to get hard (like what I did there). Anyway, keep reading here. Keep writing. Keep trying. You will most likely fail from time to time, but that doesn't mean you have to give up. Just get back on the horse as quickly as you can. Every day away from porn is a success.

 

[RunPierreRun]

My daughter is now 16. No doubt having a child definitely puts a damper on sex and being close to your partner. My partner and I have a lot of problems. I started experiencing PIED before my daughter came along. I struggled to maintain erections mostly, but would be able to from time to time but all the while I was masturbating to porn 2 or 3 times a day. Maybe more. So, as I got older it just harder and harder to get hard (like what I did there). Anyway, keep reading here. Keep writing. Keep trying. You will most likely fail from time to time, but that doesn't mean you have to give up. Just get back on the horse as quickly as you can. Every day away from porn is a success.

Thanks G for the words put to me. I am fresh here, but not fresh in failing...unfortunately
So we both know how bad it is looking in the eye of our loved ones when you lie, or fail. Im in the stage of blaming myself.
I have a high hope being here.
Thanks again!

 

[Prakash]

I would say yes, I'm not the same I was. It takes more time to get immersed, to tune in and we have only some time to get to each other. We have a 4yo daughter who separates us by night, my partner or me sleeps with her. This is part of the problem, not absolving my responsibility.
Are you having the similar problems?

Then why are you post here... Enjoy your life don't mind....doing sex with wife and finfind another gf...

 

[RunPierreRun]

Then why are you post here... Enjoy your life don't mind....doing sex with wife and finfind another gf...

Q: Are you have any sexual dysfunction..
A: I would say yes, I'm not the same I was.
I prefer movies than a real woman, that is why i look for salvation.

 

[RunPierreRun]

Ok. So I discussed with myself. I discussed with my partner, she welcome visiting this forum.​

She is so smart and tolerant.​

To be honest, I feel depressed and nervous "loosing" a without watching a P movie, but after waking up Im sure I will be proud.​

A little step fwd.​

Hope everyone will be able to hold on and tomorrow will wake up rested.​

 

[RunPierreRun]

Day 1 done.
Woke up rested out.
I keep on going on the road.

 

[RunPierreRun]

D3
Yesterday I had my Bday. I had better ones. I feel a little depressed, but not because of my illness. I dont miss P too much, I miss the feeling.
I find things to do.
I sleep during the night and I wake up rested.
Strange: I feel quite excited about my "new" life without the bad habit...interesting to have an excitement about cutting off an excitement...

 

[RunPierreRun]

D4
Everything seems good so far, however some feelings grab me to open a P site.
I am thinking what is I break the rules, that ruins everything or the march may go on...

 

[RunPierreRun]

D7
I feel way much better than I thought. I know this is just the beginning, but I look forward.

 

[RunPierreRun]

D9
Sometimes I am thinking, what if I fail; will I feel myself bad, blaming my weakness and will I loose my self confidence?
What if I break the rules and let myself into porn?
Being a nondependent means zero tolerance?
I am putting these questions because I miss the feeling I had during this habit...