Accountability

tl23

Member
Have been super busy here, but today is day 15 so I’ve made it through two full weeks without PMO. I’ve also made it without any kind of M.

this is definitely unchartered territory and there have been days where it’s been really challenging. But, it also gets more and more routine each day.

I had a mentor tell me once that every time you do something hard you make a deposit in your “bad ass” account. On days that it’s harder you’ll have more in your account to draw from.

channeling that this week!
 
Great job going two full weeks without PMO!
Interesting about the "bad ass" account - Goggins says something similar about "the cookie jar"
Basically the same idea - remember times you overcame adversity in the past for inspiration in the present

Keep on killing it! 💪
 

tl23

Member
Today is Day 17 and it was definitely harder than normal. I feel like there were a few things on social media today that made me think of past behaviors and, because of my line of work, I can’t shut off social media. I did not give in but definitely felt more like a challenge today.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I had a mentor tell me once that every time you do something hard you make a deposit in your “bad ass” account. On days that it’s harder you’ll have more in your account to draw from.

I love this!
 

GBS

Active Member
Keep going. You inspire others. Also if you go hard core (no MO) you will be noticing serious changes in yourself soon. My guess is you’re more connected to your wife, right?
 

tl23

Member
Have made it to Day 28 - a full 4 weeks of no PMO or MO.

This last week was tough. I had a lot of feelings like “well now that I understand, just MO would be fine.” But, I fought them because I know quickly I could relapse. Another tough trigger is social media. Without going into too many details, I can’t avoid social media because of my line of work and it often leaves me vulnerable to some triggers there. I was able to stay clear and often honestly come here as a way to cool down if I feel any urges.

Would love to hear from other guys who have made it to around this long. Anything I should expect? Love reading others’ experiences.
 

GBS

Active Member
@j165 - hero. Well done.

I am about 83 days clear of porn and 43 days no MO, so I am very close to you in time. I have dealt with the no PMO thing well by taking the quasi-religious view that it is the devil. From the evening service of Compline: be sober, be vigilant, for the devil like a roaring lion stalks around seeking whom he may next devour, whom resist steadfast in the faith.

So I see this as a daily battle but one I know I have to fight because it’s wrong, it’s evil and it virtually killed my marriage so stopping watching porn is, on one level, easy because it’s so obvious it has to stop.

The no MO however is a different subject altogether. I think there are schools of thought that your reboot will definitely be more rewarding and fast but the temptation can be given into without one feeling guilty because that’s not the devil. Bottom line for me is that PMO and any MO where the fantasy is not something you’re going to do in reality, then I should steer away completely. That’s the hard one for me although my fantasies are all about my wife which is great news (well done my brain!) I am trying to avoid even fantasising about my wife and avoiding all trigger. I feel like I am punishing myself, and that hurts so better to turn that on its head and say I am curing myself not punishing mysel.

So I think I could be ok doing MO but I am resisting so that my reboot is totally clean. Aiming for 90+ days. May go further.

Keep going and keep posting. You helped me get here.
 

tl23

Member
Today’s Day 35. Had more than normal urges last night — but didn’t succumb.

Writing some thoughts here in case folks have advice. Otherwise, mostly journaling and talking out loud.

My reboot has been on hard mode (no PMO, no M at all). But, recently I had a vasectomy and after I recover I’ll need to ejaculate ~20x in the next 2 months before doing a semen analysis. I’ve already told myself that PMO is not an option but I’m feeling guilty about eventually needing to MO given my progress.

For context, some O with my wife may be an option but not nearly that much (for reasons I won’t go into here). I don’t struggle with ED or PIED and I’ve O with just imagination before — but it’s been a long long time.

So, feeling apprehensive/weird about it. I think mostly because I’m feeling so good about my recovery and don’t want to have a setback. I think I just need to be disciplined. Any other experience with something like this?
 
My reboot has been on hard mode (no PMO, no M at all). But, recently I had a vasectomy and after I recover I’ll need to ejaculate ~20x in the next 2 months before doing a semen analysis. I’ve already told myself that PMO is not an option but I’m feeling guilty about eventually needing to MO given my progress.
Sounds like a dilemma - I think you should try as hard as you can not to use porn and just MO to sensation
BUT if it is very difficult for you, then I would prioritize the 20x orgasms because it sounds like that is necessary for medical reasons
If you absolutely have to look at porn to get off (which I can understand), then try to keep it as low stimulation as possible - eg magazine instead of internet

Sounds like a difficult couple of months for you brother, but never lose sight of your journey. Stay strong 💪
 

tl23

Member
Sounds like a dilemma - I think you should try as hard as you can not to use porn and just MO to sensation
BUT if it is very difficult for you, then I would prioritize the 20x orgasms because it sounds like that is necessary for medical reasons
If you absolutely have to look at porn to get off (which I can understand), then try to keep it as low stimulation as possible - eg magazine instead of internet

Sounds like a difficult couple of months for you brother, but never lose sight of your journey. Stay strong 💪
I appreciate this. Really do. I’m gonna just do no porn. Whatever it takes! I can do it.
 

tl23

Member
Day 38

Some stuff to write about! Still on my streak of no PMO. Yesterday, I decided to MO for the first time since starting this. As I explained in a previous post, I recently had a vasectomy and need to ejaculate 20x before doing a semen analysis.

A couple of observations:
- This is the first time in as long as I can remember that I MO’d without P or without sexting, chat sites, cam models, etc. Just imagination of my wife. What a difference. I won’t go into details as to not trigger but, wow.

- It was such a huge change to not be overwhelmed with guilt afterwards. My therapist talked to me recently about how M can feel like “taking yourself on a date” vs. hiding away and stealing 5min worrying you’re going to be caught and boy did that resonate. I’ve been so conditioned to feeling guilt and shame after MO because of the P, the sexting, etc. So, this was a totally new feeling.

- I was worried today about it triggering my brain to want more, to want P or PMO. I had urges — but I fought them off and now I’m here. I feel a little…empty. Hard to explain. It’s like that feeling when your throat closes because you’re craving something, but you’re not giving in. Maybe that makes no sense, just the best I can describe. I feel okay though. I feel better knowing I have the strength not to give into deeper urges.

So. That’s it for now. I’m planning on continuing my avoidance of PMO or P of any kind because that’s non-negotiable for me, now. As far as M goes or MO, I have that number I need to reach for my analysis - but I’ll just listen to my body for now.
 

tl23

Member
Day 42

Still going strong here! No PMO, and no new MO or M since I last updated - just am trying my best to listen to when I want to vs. it becoming a habit again.

sending good vibes to everyone in recovery ✌️
 
Top