particularly_respecting
Active Member
Great attitude @Rumson! You got this!I told myself it's not worth it. This drug is too addictive. I can't go back to day 1. It's not an option.
Great attitude @Rumson! You got this!I told myself it's not worth it. This drug is too addictive. I can't go back to day 1. It's not an option.
First of all, if 34 days was your longest streak ever, than congrats! That is a huge achievement. I would suggest that, although it is day 1 as far as your counter goes, not to think about it in this way.So today is day 1.
Any advice on relapses and going forward from the experienced people here? We have to get up and continue the fight.
Any advice on relapses and going forward from the experienced people here? We have to get up and continue the fight.
Thank you kindly for the time you took to reply.Hi, Rumson. I will answer your questions. You did 30 before, you will do even better next time! Check your determination and change your plan or approach to give yourself a re-energized recovery.
What has been working for all of you?
I've changed my phone routine, and don't get onto social media except 1x a week for a free-day. An exception is if I'm actively posting. Even then, I'm careful of the content I watch.
I'm not always perfect or in 'strict compliance', but when I do veer from this, I know darn well I'm probably acting out, and I can then address what's emotionally behind it.
How do you remind yourself of why you are engaged in this battle?
If I'm not coming on here daily (which I've not been), it has been such a decades-long battle, it's hard for me to not be reminded. At this point, I'm like not wanting to think about it. But, tracking my latest streak- or my last lapse- is a way to remind myself that I'm going forward.
Deeper than that, keeping in mind your goals and dreams is the biggest motivator, and to truly see P, PMO, MO as obstacles to who you want to be.
How do you go about avoiding triggers and relapses?
Avoidance is the wrong approach, I think. Not purposely putting ourselves in harm's way is common sense, but 'avoiding' gives 'triggers' too much power, gives porn some supernatural external power that it just doesn't have.
Two things: One, allowing life to be life, with its 'triggers' or cues, and yet dismissing urges, yet not acting to, nor reacting to them, teaches you that you're in control, and gives you your power back. Second, as you create new habits that replace the unwanted habits, you'll find that what 'triggers' you changes over time. A bill-board with a scantily clad female on it just doesn't affect you any more- as an example.
Thank you kindly for the time you took to reply.
I'll have a think about the approach , the why and way moving forward.
Appreciate the feedback. It helps and gives some perspective. Thanks a lot.Hi @Rumson welcome back and i hope you find renewed control and success over the next few days, then weeks etc.
In regards to feedback on three questions:
What has been working for all of you?
- i personally only found renewed success over the last 6.5 weeks after failing for about 4 years straight. What caused headway was trying to figure out all of the why's behind what caused me to seek or use Porn and MO as a release. That was Work Stress, Home Stress, Self Worth/Self Image, struggles with my Fiancé, and lack of knowledge and understanding how P and MO to P affected the brain. so instead of trying to do everything at once i actually started with educating myself more on the affects of porn and MO on the brain and body (learned or relearned everything i could), then started working on things with my Fiancé and family more, then i started to lift weights at the gym every other day. Only after i started to build those other positive behaviors to eliminate triggers was i able to restart my current streak with most success i have seen yet
How do you remind yourself of why you are engaged in this battle?
- this was one of my hardest lessons because prior when i reminded myself the why i would only be met with shame and self pity due to failures and feeling like so much time is wasted. What's different this time. I made myself angry, furious that i havent beat this yet. Then i turned the anger and fury into drive. then into practice, then into discipline to not waste another single second of my life feeling like that any more. First few weeks are the hardest its honestly pure willpower until you start building the better behaviors i detail below and above.
How do you go about avoiding triggers and relapses?
- i made myself busy is a simple way of looking at it. House projects, going to the gym, projects at work, board game nights versus playing video games, a new hobby i had to learn, reduction in screen time (phone pc etc) . A combination of replacing bad habits with positives ones that only build myself into a better person as time goes forward. you may fail but every time you fail try to learn and try something different until you find what works for you.
This journey isn't just a only how do i beat Porn Addiction etc., its really about creating a better life in every way possible.