First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Hey guys --
I'm a 26M who is 100% going to stop using porn. A little bit about myself for context (and because it's cathartic). I grew up in all my life in the U.S. but with a more traditional household. Grew up a very studious, introverted kid and was always awkward around girls. I think I first heard about masturbation when I was in middle school but I didn't really understand the mechanics of it. I barely even understood it in high school! I remember having some wet dreams though on occasion and I'd wake up thinking 'wtf is wrong with me' and feel kinda guilty.
I never even masturbated until college. Which is crazy because I remember one girl literally rubbed up her foot against mine & give 100% clear signals she wanted me in high school but I never acted on it -- because I was so naive I didn't even understand what sex really was. Remember another girl who would always try to hang out with me and can remember 1-2 other girls who checked me out several times. Yet in my naiveté I didn't even get what this meant, smh in hindsight.
I first masturbated when I was 18 in college as I made a friend on my floor who would never stop talking about masturbating. Not a terrible thing on its own but I did it to anime porn. Though even then now that I think about it, I used that same video so many times in the subsequent weeks but there wasn't even any penetration. That's how sensitive I was, didn't need that or even lube for that first year. I digress though -- even later in college where there were several girls (one super cute) interested in me, I could never work up the balls to make a move. Some of this was social anxiety but some of this I now realize was due to my PMO use. When I'd see a hot girl on campus, my thought wouldn't be 'hey I should go talk to her' but rather 'I need to get back to my room and masturbate to a doppelgänger of her'? How crazy is that? I made out with some girls in my time there, maybe got to 2nd base but that was it for my college escapades.
This lack of interacting with girls continued for several years, esp as a workout injury kept me out and unmotivated about a lot of things. Finally when I was 25 I had the chance to hook up with a girl. She was gorgeous, I'd describe her but I don't want this to turn into some kind of erotica (and damage me or you guys). Yet I could barely get hard to her! This was the first girl I'd ever actually had sex with (and an opportunity that barely ever came up in my life before) and I could not believe this was happening. I always thought that I could use P as a substitute until I found a girl but never realized P would not even let me be happy with a girl. This was in September 2021.
I then went through a crappy few months and my mental health started getting worse until with a friend I got a bit transparent about it. This guy hooks up with probably 5 women a month and he said even he in the past 6 months probably couldn't get it up 6-12 times. This gave me my sanity back & I realized it wasn't just my going through this. Stumbled upon YBOP which was enormously helpful and over the next 8 months I dipped my toes in the water with quitting. Never really gave it a strong effort but just testing the waters a bit.
I turned 26 recently and I came to realize this was it. I want to be in a happy, loving relationship with a woman and I want to get married and have 2-3 amazing kids. I want the whole 9 yards. I don't want to wake up 5 years from now as a shell of a person who lost some of the best years of their lives while all their friends move on and unable to break an addiction to something that will never bring LT contentment. This is it. While these past few months I've been working up the courage, I know I need to get a move on. This will take last at least 3 months (maybe longer) and so if at least at 26 I can get in the game I won't lose out on the future. I know I can do it.
As I quit now, my usage is probably 90% hardcore stuff / 10% softcore (50% of the hardcore stuff is anime girls / 50% real girls). I was going to start this journal earlier but I forgot to. I last masturbated on April 24, 2022. Have been clean since April 25, so it's been one week. Urges have been mild so far. I probably won't journal every day or week but at checkpoints that are meaningful. Will report back gents. I WILL beat this
I'm a 26M who is 100% going to stop using porn. A little bit about myself for context (and because it's cathartic). I grew up in all my life in the U.S. but with a more traditional household. Grew up a very studious, introverted kid and was always awkward around girls. I think I first heard about masturbation when I was in middle school but I didn't really understand the mechanics of it. I barely even understood it in high school! I remember having some wet dreams though on occasion and I'd wake up thinking 'wtf is wrong with me' and feel kinda guilty.
I never even masturbated until college. Which is crazy because I remember one girl literally rubbed up her foot against mine & give 100% clear signals she wanted me in high school but I never acted on it -- because I was so naive I didn't even understand what sex really was. Remember another girl who would always try to hang out with me and can remember 1-2 other girls who checked me out several times. Yet in my naiveté I didn't even get what this meant, smh in hindsight.
I first masturbated when I was 18 in college as I made a friend on my floor who would never stop talking about masturbating. Not a terrible thing on its own but I did it to anime porn. Though even then now that I think about it, I used that same video so many times in the subsequent weeks but there wasn't even any penetration. That's how sensitive I was, didn't need that or even lube for that first year. I digress though -- even later in college where there were several girls (one super cute) interested in me, I could never work up the balls to make a move. Some of this was social anxiety but some of this I now realize was due to my PMO use. When I'd see a hot girl on campus, my thought wouldn't be 'hey I should go talk to her' but rather 'I need to get back to my room and masturbate to a doppelgänger of her'? How crazy is that? I made out with some girls in my time there, maybe got to 2nd base but that was it for my college escapades.
This lack of interacting with girls continued for several years, esp as a workout injury kept me out and unmotivated about a lot of things. Finally when I was 25 I had the chance to hook up with a girl. She was gorgeous, I'd describe her but I don't want this to turn into some kind of erotica (and damage me or you guys). Yet I could barely get hard to her! This was the first girl I'd ever actually had sex with (and an opportunity that barely ever came up in my life before) and I could not believe this was happening. I always thought that I could use P as a substitute until I found a girl but never realized P would not even let me be happy with a girl. This was in September 2021.
I then went through a crappy few months and my mental health started getting worse until with a friend I got a bit transparent about it. This guy hooks up with probably 5 women a month and he said even he in the past 6 months probably couldn't get it up 6-12 times. This gave me my sanity back & I realized it wasn't just my going through this. Stumbled upon YBOP which was enormously helpful and over the next 8 months I dipped my toes in the water with quitting. Never really gave it a strong effort but just testing the waters a bit.
I turned 26 recently and I came to realize this was it. I want to be in a happy, loving relationship with a woman and I want to get married and have 2-3 amazing kids. I want the whole 9 yards. I don't want to wake up 5 years from now as a shell of a person who lost some of the best years of their lives while all their friends move on and unable to break an addiction to something that will never bring LT contentment. This is it. While these past few months I've been working up the courage, I know I need to get a move on. This will take last at least 3 months (maybe longer) and so if at least at 26 I can get in the game I won't lose out on the future. I know I can do it.
As I quit now, my usage is probably 90% hardcore stuff / 10% softcore (50% of the hardcore stuff is anime girls / 50% real girls). I was going to start this journal earlier but I forgot to. I last masturbated on April 24, 2022. Have been clean since April 25, so it's been one week. Urges have been mild so far. I probably won't journal every day or week but at checkpoints that are meaningful. Will report back gents. I WILL beat this
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. Very very happy for you -- is your PE issue solved?