This is it guys -- we are all gonna make it. My first week


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Damn guys, I need to be honest. After feeling lack absolute shit from my lack of ability to work out like I wanted, I fapped to some erotica. I don't know if it's as bad or nearly as bad or whatever as hardcore P but it is a relapse.

Feel like I let you all down. I know (or think I know) I wouldn't have relapsed like this if my exercise routine had continued fine but this really just made me feel like shit and wonder if at the end of all this I'd even be able to get a girl...and that shame spiral made me relapse. Part of what triggered it was watching this anime (My Hero Academia) -- not super risqué but definitely certain characters that are not totally dressed.

I am going to reset my counter on May 15 and start again. What I will do different this time:

- Cut out anime entirely for my reboot period. It's 100% clear that the mannerisms of girls in anime / way they dress / etc is a trigger for me. And even once I succeed, I will not watch any more anime like My Hero Academia. I thought at beginning of my reboot I had cut out the really risqué stuff but it's clear I need to go further if I'm to succeed and stay healthy. I'm starting to wonder if watching anime at all as an adult is healthy (outside of a few mainstream fairly normal anime like Dragon Ball Z or Naruto) but will reflect more on this later

- Constantly make plans to be out of the house hanging out with people. I somewhat upped this in past few weeks but I'm going to try to kick it up more. These days I'll even sleep in late (more on that in next point) and work from home more often which I cannot be doing. Not only am I less productive, have a poor setup (which hurts my neck), but it also increases P urges. I am going in to the office 4-5 days a week instead of the 2 I do now.

- Get way more strict on my sleep schedule. Urges hit harder around nighttime and in general my sleep has gotten wonky due to staying up which my body doesn't love. Will go to bed at 11am - 7:30am every night (aside from weekends if I'm going out)

- Ramp back slowly on the weights after rehabilitating it (supposed to take 2 weeks - 1 mo). I have an appt with a PT to figure this out. In meantime I can do other exercises but will of course take those at the appropriate pace. I rushed too fast here and it resulted in this injury and now this frustrated led to my P. Won't happen again as far as I'm able to prevent it. This was the #1 thing that led to my relapse as I also got scared that there was nothing out there for me even if I did fixed my PIED. Some of this mindset change needs to happen too

- Weather is great again. I will plan to at least walk around & do some cardio to spend less time in the house. Will try to spend more time at the office on days when I'm not doing anything in the evenings as just sitting at home is not great

- I am debating seeing a therapist. I don't have mental health problems atm but venting to someone and working through things is helpful to anyone I feel. Not totally sure on this one but am strongly debating it

Will also try to type less on this forum after Sunday to announce the new Day 1, at least until I hit the 3 week mark (which I was 3 days shy of this time around)
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Also on second thought I might start up a new journal just to start to feel 'clean and fresh' again. I will of course in that journal acknowledge my mistake this time around but psychologically it might feel better. Will make a decision on that over next few days, I just want to put my best foot forward