Why it's so hard to reboot?

[Victor]

I'm a 17 year-old teen trying to reboot and abstain from porn for nth times. Why it's so hard to reboot? I've been rebooting in the last 5 to 6 months and I never succeeded, I always relapsed. I just relapsed an hour ago and I feel so down and so demotivated. I really don't know how to explain the feeling but I feel so disappointed of my self. I do have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder which is an anxiety disorder and it will be a great help if I can succeed in quitting porn but it's so hard. My longest streak was around 21 days then relapsed. :/ Porn isn't contributing to me but it rather destroys me, I didn't have a girlfriend ever in my life. I never go out with friends. I have social anxiety. My performance in school got low. I'm really affected by this addiction but now it's like I don't know where to start anymore. I'm just so numb. I can't feel anything. I'm so disappointed to my self. How do I get myself motivated again? I just really need this reboot. I want it so bad but my mind says no. I want to have a happy life. I want to enjoy it. I want to have friends. I want to have confidence. I want to have a relationship with a girl, I want to achieve more in school but I just can't. Because of this OCD and porn addiction. I so demotivated right now. Please help.

 

[kopp]

My longest streak was around 21 days

That's already a great streak dude.

It is not so hard to reboot. But you're doing it in a wrong way. It means that you had a plan, tried, had feedback. Now it is time to adapt your plan, thanks to the feedback you have.

What in your plan didn't work? How can you improve your plan so it can works better next time?
What have been your triggers and what can you do to avoid them in the future?

Have you ever watched the movie "Pain & Gain"? There's this guy, Jonny Wu, a Motivation Coach, whose motto is "Get a Goal, Get A Plan and GET UP OF YOUR ASS!".
You have the goal (you clearly know what you want from life and that is amazing for a 17 yo guy!). Now write the plan, and then get up of your ass and rock your life.

For exemple, you said you wanted to have friends.
What is your plan to get friends?
Maybe you could start by smiling more at school. Joining an activity like dance lessons, going to the gym... Talking a bit to people. If this is hard for you to talk with school people, just go in a street, and ask one person what time it is. Just one. If you felt nervous about it, go back home or whatever, and in 3 days, go to the street again, and ask 3 persons what time it is. etc.

 

[kopp]

For me, the reboot was really hard because I was still spending a lot of time in front of my computer.
Now, my computer is locked in my locker at school and I only use it at school the majority of the days. I do take it home only when I have to work on it.

Also, I was spending so much time in front of it because I simply had to much free time. Now I go to the gym 3 times a week, spend 1 evening cooking a lot for the next 4 days, read books I love, go out shopping to improve the way I dress, etc.


If you have no time to be alone masturbating in front of your computer, then you'll simply not masturbate in front of your computer. That's it.

What are your triggers and how can you avoid them?

 

[Victor]

Hi kopp! It's really my computer that makes me relapsed. My triggers is when I'm home alone, whenever people at home are I sleep and I woke up early that leads to relapse. Another is whenever I'm sad, I'm always anxious because of my OCD (An anxiety disorder). I'm way to dependent on porn. How should I start? I have a girl whom I like way before and I want to be in touch with her and I need to breakaway from porn. 

 

[kopp]

I don't have a magic solution, I can only talk about what works for me.

As I said :

If you have no time to be alone masturbating in front of your computer, then you'll simply not masturbate in front of your computer.

If the trigger is you being alone, try as much as you can to not be alone. You don't have to have much friends to do that, simply spend time in public places.
Stay 1 more hour at school in the evening to do your homeworks, or go to the library, theater, cinema, shops... whatever you want.

Imagine the cool guy you'd become if only once a week you were going to see a new movie for exemple. By the end of the month you'd already have seen 4 new movies (which makes approx. 40 new possibles topics to talk to people about), and that would make one day a week where you would never relapse. No matter what happens the other days, you would never relapse this day.

If the trigger is the computer, throw it away.
Do you really need it? Im pretty sure you don't. I thought I needed it, put it in a locker for 2 weeks, realized I didn't need it at all. Give it a try.

 

[kopp]

Also, I noticed that you were talking a lot about your OCD.

You have OCD. Ok. Fine. But it's not an excuse. Don't let it be an excuse. Don't let it fuck your life.
"I don't have a girl because I have OCD", "I don't have money because I have OCD", "I can't talk to people because I have OCD". Don't be that guy, because you're not and you deserve better and you can be better!

I know that it can be hard. I do have some troubles myself. But never let them fuck your life. Never let the OCD decide if you can approach that cute girl or not, etc.

Define yourself the way you want. Don't let your troubles and fears define who you are. Fight.


If you want to talk about that girl you want to be in touch with, do it in your journal and tell me, and we will talk about it. Tell me more about her, how you met, what is your actual relationship, ... and I'll help you.