WoundedSparrow
Active Member
Porn addiction has caused me no shortage of pain over the years. I've said and done things I'm horribly ashamed of because of the mindset it puts me in. I've suffered literal mental breakdowns because of the heightened anxiety. Times when I was an emotional wreck for weeks on end feeling like I'd never be happy again. I've done things sexually with random girls I neither knew nor cared about because my mind turned me into a pleasure-seeking zombie. But I think there's one affliction that tops all of them.
I've had pretty prominent OCD since I was a child. Obsessive compulsions, thoughts, rituals, etc. Over the last 8ish years I've been an addict, my obsessive-compulsive thoughts have increased and are often sexual in nature, much to my horror and despair. The trouble is that once my mind gets into a pattern, it sticks. So if I have a particular sexual thought about, for example, a family member, it's entirely possible that my mind will get hung up on it and every time I see or think about the person, the OCD kicks in and I think a sexual thought that greatly discomforts me. It happens all the time and there's no limits. I am not incestuous, nor am I gay, a pedophile, a zoophile, or anything else of the sort. But I've had thoughts that manifest in those ways. Intrusive, terrible thoughts that develop into patterns that sit in my mind for years on end.
I am tormented by them endlessly. I know that they aren't real and they mean nothing, but I can't shake them. When I go on a sobriety streak, the thoughts and impulses are much less prevalent, but some of the deeper thought patterns still rear their ugly head. Has anyone who has been in a similar situation been able to break out mentally? Condition yourself to push these thoughts out? I guess I'm wondering if there's such a thing as self-cognitive behavioral therapy. I don't want to be haunted by these phantoms forever. Any insight would be appreciated.
I've had pretty prominent OCD since I was a child. Obsessive compulsions, thoughts, rituals, etc. Over the last 8ish years I've been an addict, my obsessive-compulsive thoughts have increased and are often sexual in nature, much to my horror and despair. The trouble is that once my mind gets into a pattern, it sticks. So if I have a particular sexual thought about, for example, a family member, it's entirely possible that my mind will get hung up on it and every time I see or think about the person, the OCD kicks in and I think a sexual thought that greatly discomforts me. It happens all the time and there's no limits. I am not incestuous, nor am I gay, a pedophile, a zoophile, or anything else of the sort. But I've had thoughts that manifest in those ways. Intrusive, terrible thoughts that develop into patterns that sit in my mind for years on end.
I am tormented by them endlessly. I know that they aren't real and they mean nothing, but I can't shake them. When I go on a sobriety streak, the thoughts and impulses are much less prevalent, but some of the deeper thought patterns still rear their ugly head. Has anyone who has been in a similar situation been able to break out mentally? Condition yourself to push these thoughts out? I guess I'm wondering if there's such a thing as self-cognitive behavioral therapy. I don't want to be haunted by these phantoms forever. Any insight would be appreciated.