Here we Go...

Furboy01

Member
Day 5: The Weekend

Normally... I'd be sleeping in. Playing games. Relaxing and maybe eating a bowl of oats while watching YouTube and cuddling somehow someway. But the business continues.

A man's job is to keep on working even after a point in which he cannot, or even should not. Why? Because if he doesn't, he either misses out on opportunities, everything comes crumbling down while his back was turned, and or he ends up being at the epicenter of confrontation for not handling one thing or another.

And you may think:
"Well I'm not that man. I'm going to go out and enjoy myself with or without anything happening."
And that's your prerogative. Save me a dance; be it for the moon or the sun while you're there. But just know that you're working to have fun while (hopefully): being aware of time, aware of surroundings, and aware of the future. And what draws this awareness is the duration a man gives himself time to really cope and either process, or simply nevermind the stressors of life each time. You can't be out for too long, or you're going miss out on sleep for work. You can't be too lax because you never know when things get out of control of when you're trying to simply live in the moment. And you can't be too negligent of things that you have outside this moment, because as soon as you return, you'll find you need to make a way to relax more (if you even can) to deal with whatever mayhem went about when you vacated.

As I went through my day, I really noticed this, and I just kept clenching my jaw when I had to face it, and relaxed with closed eyes as I stood motionless in the rain.

Many tell me they don't like the rain. It soaks them and it gets in the way of things. They'd prefer things to be clear. Warm. Maybe breezy, but nothing more. But I welcome the rain. I feel like it's a way to find peace within life as well as nature. Even when I'm soaked, I feel calm and revitalized. Even when it's thundering, I can dance to the rhythm. Rain is a very beautiful thing. The only dismay I have with it is when I can't enjoy it because it either ended, or I'm trapped inside my job. But even when driving to the store, if it's pouring, I'll still walk inside as others rush and gush about it being so wet and cold.
It's no colder than snow unless it freezes. And it's only autumn.

The leaves and the raindrops fall. And it pours the stress away. It's better than bleeding. It's better than grieving. It's a release that you have to come to acceptance with. In my opinion anyway.
 

Furboy01

Member
Day 7: The Weekday

The Euphoria of victory set in. Finally got that damned car. Then my job finally told me I can go to 2nd shift, and I got a time set to finally learn my second station since you're supposed to run at least 3, but they held off on me for way too fuckin long. I found out that our bonuses come soon.

She finally started to change some of her ways after I told her that I hold back from telling her when I'm depressed or hurt and why. It was a long talk that was well needed, and my continued strength to care and also not care continued to grow as we spoke. Not aggressively as to push her down, but assertively to stand my ground and let at least some of my emotions be expressed instead of constantly repressed with everything else.

And finally, I got the people who's supposed to help me get a home to actually reach out to me. For once, that wave of depression actually ceased. Usually it's perpetual. I still have surges from PTSD, but I'm able to keep fighting even still like always. I'm just happy that I get a break.

I kept making so much passion with her to abate my cravings and celebrate at the same time. And it just kept repeatedly feeling amazing; which helps due to dealing with hypersexuality. My fantasies I feel like just went everywhere. I felt like before convincing myself to get back on track, my mind just consumed all sorts of content. And now I feel like more and more, I'm putting that to rest.

What I really want is to be valued, listened to, and just motivated. At least that's what I feel like I want. And whatever she can't give, I try to get it from myself and share some with her. After all, that's compromise.
 
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