Next level


Active Member
I started watching P at 13. Pretty vanilla stuff in the beginning. Sexy pictures, girls dancing in lingerie.
You know what happens next: what was marvelous to your brain days ago isn't enough anymore.
At 17 I was failing at school, struggling, always too tired, brain fired, anxiety through the rough, getting bullied, etc.

I've been on the NoFap journey for years. I had a few Nofap streaks above 100 days, one above 140.
I was doing great at some point. A few relapses here and there but a solid life that it didn't affect much.

Strangely, I have been off porn for a long time. Yet I still have porn/internet related problems.
In 2021 I fall in a new rabbit hole: women sell their pictures online. It's been addictive to me because I've always lacked affection. Never had enough girlfriends or love to feel normal, healthy, worthy, loved, attractive. Those women give you a fake experience of intimacy. Fake but good enough for your brain to like it and become addicted. A big part of the thrill is to look for them, message them, get to know them...

A bit off topic but it's crazy that so many women do this. Of course I'm weird to enjoy it and participate in it. Still, this is not normal nor healthy for them either.

I got jaw surgery lately. Surgery means I then had to rest at home. Not allowed to workout anymore - I was working 5-6 times a week before the surgery. Nothing to do.
Guess what happens when you feel sad, lonely at home all day, can't work out and don't have nothing to do. Relapses.
I've relapsed 1 to 4 times a day 5 out of the last 7 days. I relapsed today. I've spent hours edging.
It's not the only thing - I've also spent far too much time on screens, on the internet. The more time I spend online the more I'm anxious about going outside.

Other than that, my life situation is decent. I have a girlfriend (whom I've told in the past about my P addiction, she has helped me a lot, but she doesn't know I've been relapsing recently), I'm doing well financially, I'm my own boss...
I work 100% remotely which is one reason why I've relapsed more in the last months.

But my brain is fried. I'm not social at all lately. Since I moved in a new city, I haven't put efforts to build a social circle. With the surgery, it's worse. I look like a monkey, my face is swollen.
Fried brain and porn addiction means my emotions are numb, there is nothing that excites me, nothing that seems worth working for.

My life is comfortable but certainly not enjoyable. I have no idea what's next for me. No idea what to with my time. No impulse to strive for something greater.


Active Member
I don't know how to live anymore.
Time flies. I've never developed the body of my dream. For someone who's been interested in bodybuilding for 10 years I have close to nothing to show for it.

Still, in the last 2 years, I fixed my knees and back pain and became more athletic than I've ever been.

My life has improved a lot since I started the NoFap journey. But there is so much more to do. A better person to become.

I said it already but my social life is ridiculous. Since moving to a new place + with covid I've been asocial. Seeing a friend once or twice a month at most. This is not normal.

I have a lovely girlfriend, it's been 6 years. Yet I still have wounds related to women. I never felt enough. I never felt attractive. 95% of the women I've been attracted to have not been attracted to me.
The girls that have been attracted to me, I often failed to notice.
A lot of times, I sabotaged myself. Not answering messages from girls I was interested in because I was numb and afraid.


Active Member
Internet changes our brains.
Thus, not using internet changes our brains back to a better, clearer state.
Internet is something you have to use sparingly, only in order to achieve a goal.

I'm in a state of depressive boredom.

This morning something strange happened. Well, not that strange and it has happened in the past already.

I blocked the websites I waste most of my time on: Reddit, Youtube and Twitter. I also deleted my Twitter account a month ago.
What did I do next? Oh I found new ways to waste my time, that's it. I edged for hours.

I'm bored, don't know what to do, have far too much free time. Everyday is the same lately.
I think I'm making progress though. Writing here is better than binge watching youtube.

I have a theory about Youtube. Social medias in general.

We're social animals, we need to spend time with other people.
I think our brain doesn't make the difference between talking to someone for real, and listening to a youtuber.
They're always friendly, will always start their videos with "hey! what's up buddy" and that kind of stuff, as if they were our friends.
So, by spending time on youtube, we feel less need to talk to others and be social.
You kinda got the experience of being with friends, but not really. Same as what porn does to your sex life: it satisfies the desire for sex but it's nowhere near the real experience and doesn't give as much fulfillment.

It's a trap. You get part of the results without the efforts.

I have made close to zero efforts regarding my friends and social life lately. I must change that.


Active Member
Day 1

I went out for an hour this morning. My brain still feels fried and numb. There's not much I wanna do.
I blocked reddit, youtube and twitter on my computer and... I switched to watch youtube on my phone. I feel fucked up.

I want to be a productivity beast again. I know I gotta get away from the screens - I know it's what makes the biggest difference.

What's next for me? Why do I want to be more productive? Why do I want to focus? What could my life be if my brain was healthy again and I got rid of my internet addiction?

I'm blocking my computer until tomorrow morning, I hope I'll meditate on this.


Active Member
I wrote a page in my paper journal almost every morning for 822 days
I've meditated 20 minutes 3 days in a row
I've worked out 3 days in a row
I've done exercises to strengthen my feet 5 days in a row

I've grayscaled my phone and computer
I've blocked explicit websites, I've limited reddit+youtube+twitter to 15 minutes daily (total)

I've done 80% of the paperwork I had to do
I called my manager to say I wanted to go back to work next monday
I've cleaned my flat

I've managed and invested my money, tracked my company's (I'm a consultant) financial situation
I bought 5 books and started reading all of them

I'm still sad and heavily addicted to internet and the never ending novelty it provides but my mood is getting better. I have a hard time focusing, I'm apathetic, nothing gives me pleasure, except scrolling and scrolling

The current company I work with has started laying off people, they might lay off some more soon and as a consultant I'm at risk. My manager likes me, I've always delivered more than expected. Yet, it is time to reevaluate my skills and catch up on the latest technologies - I might be on the market in a few months

The beast within me is awakening


Active Member
Why do I crave novelty all the time? Why do I want to talk to women so much? Why am I so lonely? Why am I constantly looking for non deserved pleasure?

I noticed something: before I start my computer in the morning, I'm doing fine. I can focus. I'm productive. But once I open it and go to any website and start scrolling content... it starts a bad dynamic. It opens the gates. Now my brain craves more and more. Everything else suddendly becomes less appealing. This is demoniac.
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Well-Known Member
Man. This sounds so much like me.

Yesterday I took a book to work just so I wouldn't give in to porn. I succeeded... but spent much of my day reading instead of working.

Today I just want to give up... but I came here instead. A total fluke.

I think a key here is what our triggers are. For me my work station is a trigger. Once I am close to my laptop I start thinking about giving in. ... and I can't avoid using it. So how to manage that? I don't know... I think it has to start with being accountable to oneself - honest about what we're doing or not doing. I hope that by putting it down in my journal I can create an anchor that keeps me from giving in. Especially if others read it and can help hold me to account. I'll check back on you - we're on this journey together - and we can do it! Stay strong!


Active Member
Yesterday I took a book to work just so I wouldn't give in to porn. I succeeded... but spent much of my day reading instead of working.
I feel you... I'm a good, productive worker in general. But after a relapse... Work is the last thing I want to do... My brain tells me not to work and gives me anxiety about work and tells me to indulge in pleasure instead. It's so strange how mundane tasks that would usually be easy now seem so hard...

I've been "clean" for 3 days. Not 100% because I have edged... I'm setting a new rule for myself: I won't touch my cock. I don't touch it. Only my girlfriend does.

And a second one: when I get cravings I must either meditate, take a cold shower or go outside.

Thank you, it feels good to not be alone in this adventure!


Active Member
I relapsed.

There's not much to say. My current environment where I have too much free time, nothing to do, can't work out, feel alone because I still can't be comfortable spending time with people outside since my surgery... it cannot work. I can't just sit there with nothing to do and be successful at nofap.

I'll be with my girlfriend this weekend and on monday I'll work so I hope it will get better.

Positive things:
I meditated 6 days in a row
Followed a simple workout routine that can't harm my jaw 4 days in a row
I've opened a journal here and I'm glad for your help guys
Being able to work again, that could save me

I want to do better - I used to be awesome and I want to be awesome again


Active Member
I had a 9 days streak and then I relapsed yesterday
The day started good - woke up early, worked out

But then I started going on my phone and I let the urges take control. My job that day was extremely boring: uninteresting conference calls, all I had to do was open my laptop, join a call and listen. So I had all the time and opportunity to relapse

I was alone, also.

I noticed a pattern: going on the internet too early in the day fucks me up for the day - it makes crave more and more cheap dopamine

Also I lost the habit of meditating :( I've been at my gf parents place and couldn't meditate. I'm doing morning workouts instead.

Positive things:
I've started therapy
I've started working again
I managed my finance
I've started a fitness program
I also do some mobility/postural stuff
I finished a book about that stuff

Thanks to therapy I realize that I must take care of myself much more, engage in fun activities, spend fun time alone... I'm so serious, so focused on work and being productive, managing my company and my finances... all those things are good but doing only this is unhealthy

Overall I feel OK - it sucks that I relapsed but I'm in a much better position than I was when I started this journal

I'll do even better soon


Active Member
I relapsed today and yesterday
This cost me money
I've been clean 23 out of the last 26 days with a best streak of 12 days

I'm doing OKish but this is not satisfying. I used to have 100+ days streaks
I'm tired of this sh1t but I'm not doing much to change this. I'm not taking that many actions

I'm worried because I still can't work out due to my surgery. Working out has always been a pillar of my health and discipline. I feel kinda lost in this situation.

Things must change. I must change. I must create a new identity.


Well-Known Member
What can you learn from this? What could you do to eliminate the situation that made you relapse today? Maybe it can help just to avoid being in certain places by yourself or with a device, or there's something you could immediately do when your clicks take you in the wrong direction? That's the questions I'm trying to ask myself and when I truly care to find the answers I tend to be more successful. Your new identity can start in this moment :)


Active Member
Hey Simon,

I think I've had the wrong approach or at least an incomplete one.
I've tried too hard to avoid fap but I've put myself in situations where I don't have much to do.

I work from home, alone.
Before surgery I had a morning routine. I don't anymore. I wake up early and only start working at 9.
My work has become boring, no tight deadlines, I procrastinate out of fear of finishing too early and having nothing more to do for the rest of the week.

One big nofap motivation for me was sex with my girlfriend. Not fapping meant more desire for her and thus better sex.
But she has put on a noticeable amount of weight. She's not sexy anymore in my eyes. I don't desire her and don't feel propelled to have sex with her. She has ignored almost all my invitations to work out. She'll work out with me only once every 2 weeks on average, not enough to progress. She doesn't pay attention to her diet anymore.

Work also was one. Nofap was required for mental clarity. But now I can perform at 20% of my capacities and still perform well and be appreciated by my colleagues.

I don't have any project right now. No vision of a better future, no ambition. It's partly because I achieved a lot already. I have an excellent financial situation.

Overall athleticism is what I want to improve the most.
Nofap is a priority. I want to fill my days so I avoid screen time.


Well-Known Member
Why do I crave novelty all the time? Why do I want to talk to women so much? Why am I so lonely? Why am I constantly looking for non deserved pleasure?

I noticed something: before I start my computer in the morning, I'm doing fine. I can focus. I'm productive. But once I open it and go to any website and start scrolling content... it starts a bad dynamic. It opens the gates. Now my brain craves more and more. Everything else suddendly becomes less appealing. This is demoniac.
This is true .
I realized that just having my cell phone next to me in certain times of the day is “a trigger” for me . It’s insane how I am able to focus so much better after I have designated a place At the corner of the living room only where my cell phone lives now and is picked up only when it rings loudly coz someone is calling me .
This is the secret of beating my cell phone addiction.

I have gone out and also designated a place for my personal laptop which has a ready gate open for P access all the time . I now place it on another level of my home where I don’t see it untill I have to check something on purpose only then I pick up that laptop while my kids or wife is with me .
that has helped a lot too .


Active Member
Hey guys, haven't posted in a long time...
Interesting quotes I stumbled upon:

Today's high speed internet porn is a supernormal stimulus, potent enough to knock out the dopamine receptors in the brains reward system.
Overindulgence in supernormal stimuli and compulsivity leads to a numb, dead feeling towards life.

I want to practice semen retention, hoping to get muscle building benefits!


Active Member
Day 2.
Woke up, read, wrote, had sex without orgasm/ejaculation with my girlfriend, cold shower, walk with girlfriend, took vitamins.
My boner during sex was only 80% what it is when I PMO... this is hard to accept. That I'm more aroused watching a stranger on cam than having sex with my beautiful girlfriend... it hurts.

I'm feeling terrible. No will to do anything - I just want to sleep, I just want to be the focused, clear minded guy I was at some point.
I have zero appetite. I cooked myself 4 eggs and can't eat them... my stomach is in knots, I feel depressed, stressed. I want to cry, almost.
I have an important meeting today. I sent an important message also. I'm doing little steps, little actions towards a better life. This is a hard but worthy day.
Falling again lead me to Reboot Nation and journaling again and positive things should emerge from this.
Stay strong gentlemen. Let's get to day 3!


Active Member
Day 3
I wrote this morning and tonight. I walked 13000 steps today, I'm on a streak of 6 days > 10 000 steps.
I spent time away from screens which resulted in my mind being clearer, more calm.
I told my manager I didn't like my situation and I feel better for that.
I spent time learning - I went from 48% of completion of a course to 63% (I'm learning TypeScript, a programming language)
I feel better today than I did yesterday. My girlfriend cooked me a good meal. I went to church.

Life is beautiful


Active Member
Day 4
I went to the gym this morning and had a great workout.
Since then, I've been unfocused: I need my phone to track my workout and thus I start using my phone early. It makes my mind race and go all other the place - I have a hard time staying calm and deciding what to do. I'm stressed because I'm waiting for a reply on a job offer that I'm not even 100% sure I want to have... not sure if I should push to get it or slack off to avoid getting it... 😅
Kinda lost. :/


Active Member
Day 8 already!!
I feel the famous testosterone boost that you get after 7 days of abstinence.
I've been focused, I've worked hard today. I feel the need to move, to act... I love it!
I've had lots of temptation yesterday and today and I'm sleeping alone tonight so I gave myself a new rule for tonight: no screen after 7!
Feeling alive is so good...Stay strong brothers!