Day 1
My girlfriend has had a mental breakdown and it affected me deeply. My life has been hard lately. I've changed jobs a lot in the past 2 years. I don't rest enough.
As soon as she left our place I started edging. I edged for hours and hours. Around 4 or 5 hours total. What a waste of time and mental wellbeing.
To be honest I even had started looking while she was packing her stuff.
I was going to the gym extremely regularly until the Christmas - New Year period. I wasn't home and it broke my habits.
I need habits and discipline. It keeps me away from the relapses.
My relationship with my girlfriend is pretty bad and I feel hopeless. I'm convinced we will never have a kid together - we really wanted one but it now feels impossible. Her mental health has been extremely poor and she's been so mean to me and so stressful. We won't marry either.
This sucks so much... and I don't want to break up with her yet it might be the best thing to do for both of us...
I hate that I can't be honest with her about my addiction anymore...
My addiction has evolved - from P websites to talking to e-thots on social medias. The positive thing is that I don't even crave P websites anymore. The negative one is... my addiction isn't gone, it has just moved to something similar.
I'm 32 and I've been addicted since I was 13.
I want to quit. I had streaks of 100+ days in the past, I want to achieve that again.
If I can stay clean, I'll reach the 90 days mark on April 11. My life is so much better P free. I could be on a roughly 300 days streak for my birthday in November!
I want to do even better than that in the sense that I don't only want to quit P (or social medias in my case) but improve my relationship with screens and cheap dopamine and improve my life overall.
I want to go back to lifting regularly, spend time outside everyday, avoid screens in the morning and the evening. Avoid mindless scrolling.
Let's do it!
My first goal is to reach one full day without fap, not even touching my cock briefly.
Then 2, 3, 5, 7, 9, 10, 12, 15... 30, 45, 60, 90, 100, 200...
I can make it. All I have to do is to conquer one day. One day at a time. I can make it. I will make it. I'll go through flatlines. I'll practice semen retention even if my girlfriend and I might still have sex - I'll do whatever it takes to not ejaculate, as this leads me to chaser effect and desire for more orgasms.
Thank you for all your help all those years guys