713 days and counting - new to this forum!

I’m a 35 year old male. I had minimum ten year PMO addiction. Don’t be fooled by the number - 713. It’s a large number and I’ve come further than I ever thought, which I’ll be eternally grateful for. However I’ve come to realise in the last several weeks that it’s better to make the days count rather than counting the days. Yes I’ve come along way in terms of time spent and the old impulses are well gone but my mind is still very sexual because in two years I’ve done hardly anything EXCEPT abstain. It was just last week I decided to remove myself from ALL FORMS OF SOCIAL MEDIA because I simply realised it isn’t constructive to what I’m trying - furthermore GOING to achieve. And since I’ve un-layered my mind of the useless cargo I’m gaining further clarity. I’m now being pushed into exercise and healthy eating - basically I’ve recently understood that the secret of change is to focus ALL energy on building the new instead of using said energy to fight the old, which essentially I’ve been doing for almost two years. I am happy I’ve comes this far ABSOLUTELY, because I’m all-too-aware of how destructive the reclusive, zombified-lifestyle of a PMO addict is. It’s a dark and unforgiving hole filled with all types of crawling nastiness that literally DESTROYS our lives! That’s the bottom line for me and I’ve reached my point now where change is an inevitable MUST, but TRANSFORMATIVE CHANGE not simply abstinence. I’m so grateful I’ve found this forum because I was simply out here running an abstinence marathon with no finish line in sight, sort of just floating around like a hungry ghost. But now I’m here I can truly EDUCATE MYSELF on how to progress FORWARD not just look for ways to stop me going backwards. This for me is a basic but very crucial tweak of mindset, however basic it will affect pure change in the most magical way. To live a life I never had I must do something I’ve never ever done and that’s GAIN and MAINTAIN DISCIPLINE across all areas of life. I’m treating my body like the temple it really is and my mind is the sacred vessel that is followed BY my body. It all begins there for me - the mind. If anybody has an advice on how I can FINISH THIS I welcome all critique! Thank you in advance brothers!
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Hello MakeitReign! Welcome to the forum.

I love what you're saying here, it's practically what I've learned too over the last few years. I can strong will my way through a lot, but in the end, I sometimes wonder how far I've really come. Indeed, abstinence is better than no abstinence, but now I think there's more to this journey - as you say, a complete change of the man and spirit.

Amazing job on 713 days! I still count my days, because it's motivating for me, but I do understand your point. To each their own

Best

Blondie
 
Thanks for the response brother.

it’s true what you’re saying too, The will to succeed at this is a basic requirement because at times during my first year will was all I had to get me through - defiance in a way because although my brain was going nuts trying to get me to act out. A simple but blunt refusal (a non-negotiable mindset) was all that was required to beat the addiction. However an understanding of the toxic-layering is required to move on from it and truly transform our lives. Through nofap there was so much about life, not just sex, that I couldn’t slightly comprehend. But day by day that’s changing because things are becoming clearer. 713 days is a long time when counting but it’s flown by - I just hope I don’t have to go another 700+ days to fully recover. However if I must, then I will.

How is your recovery brother? Do you mind if I ask your story?

All the best!
 

SimonM

Member
I think the key is to remain accountable to oneself - to be honest with yourself about what you're doing. Counting days has helped me - but it also lost it's potential eventually. We all need to find what works for us to keep ourselves accountable - with the power of self-knowledge - and then keep doing that. Much strength brother! Let's all remain vigilant together and be the best men we can be!
 
I think the key is to remain accountable to oneself - to be honest with yourself about what you're doing. Counting days has helped me - but it also lost it's potential eventually. We all need to find what works for us to keep ourselves accountable - with the power of self-knowledge - and then keep doing that. Much strength brother! Let's all remain vigilant together and be the best men we can be!
100% appreciate the response brother! I’ve called my journey ‘Self-Awareness 101’ because this entire time has been about being honest with thyself. At first that was difficult to do obviously but now I can see the man I want to become. At first I just wanted to stop fapping but it deeper than that and once the mind is unlayered of toxic cargo that awareness begins to kick in! Vigilance is absolute key here yes brother! We are all ok our way to becoming the best men we can possibly be! Stay strong brother! All the best!
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Hey Make It Reign, I'm glad you asked.

My story can be found on my thread, Porn is not an option, but the gist of it is similar to yours (as it is for all of us!), none of us are special snowflakes.

About four years ago I decided to officially quit porn and never look back. I quit cold turkey and was free for a year and half, but then my life went to shit, and thus I said fuck it after three weeks of slowing screwing around with porn sub etc., yep, you know how that story goes! Ever since then I've had many long streaks but I never truly put in the effort to finally quit again like I had done originally four years ago, thus, my streaks were only four months, six months etc. I came here to RN almost nine months ago and now I'm almost nine months clean - something I'm really fucking happy about.

What I've learned over the last four years is two things.

1. You have to want to quit with all your heart and be willing to do whatever it takes to get there. No bullshiting yourself and no shortcuts. Period. You can't lifehack yourself out of this nonsense.

Our will power is a beautiful thing, and it must my treasured and nourished daily.

2. This has become more important for me for my long term success; you have to be willing to completely change yourself, not just refrain yourself. For example, I fucking hated my life, my job, my lack of education etc., and this was and is the cause for a big part of my relapses over the years. Thus, over the last four years I've been working overtime on myself: I'm back in school, I've lost weight, I workout, I'm doing what I should be doing and it feels great. This change has had a dramatic effect on me and my overall happiness, which makes me sense I can get over this shit once and for all.

Once again, great job on your two years porn free - may we all fuck this habit for good and curse the gods who get in our way!

Best

Blondie
 
Good morning brother! Reading your story is like my own has been written for me! It’s crazy how similar a lot of our stories are. We all used the same toxic-waste and ended up in the same place.

i 100% agree that in order to give this up once and for all you have to want to wet it with all your heart otherwise you’ll never quite leave the starting blocks. Such are the deeply interwoven roots of the issue here. But like all weeds the roots need to be targeted in order to stems it’s growth and kill it and that’s the point here. Simply starting this journey is all that needs to happen - and then one day at a time from there. If I had to look two/three years down the line I’d probably have rationalised finding an easier route out of the woods or maybe would not even have started at all. And really it’ll take every fibre of the humans being to say enough is enough. The scary thing about porn abuse is that there is no ground zero, we can literally and figuratively plummet for the rest of our lives not knowing the catastrophe that is befalling us.
I AM GRATEFUL THAT I AM HERE NOW! Not just here on this forum but HERE 714 days later, I haven’t looked back. I may have another 800 days to go, who really knows right! But an 800 day walk in the park is alot more fulfilling than one day of self-abuse!

Ready to take on another day with a renewed mindset, being on this forum has brought much needed motivation to be! I appreciate the depth of your response brother! Your growth is amazing!

All the best!
 
Hey Make It Reign, I'm glad you asked.

My story can be found on my thread, Porn is not an option, but the gist of it is similar to yours (as it is for all of us!), none of us are special snowflakes.

About four years ago I decided to officially quit porn and never look back. I quit cold turkey and was free for a year and half, but then my life went to shit, and thus I said fuck it after three weeks of slowing screwing around with porn sub etc., yep, you know how that story goes! Ever since then I've had many long streaks but I never truly put in the effort to finally quit again like I had done originally four years ago, thus, my streaks were only four months, six months etc. I came here to RN almost nine months ago and now I'm almost nine months clean - something I'm really fucking happy about.

What I've learned over the last four years is two things.

1. You have to want to quit with all your heart and be willing to do whatever it takes to get there. No bullshiting yourself and no shortcuts. Period. You can't lifehack yourself out of this nonsense.

Our will power is a beautiful thing, and it must my treasured and nourished daily.

2. This has become more important for me for my long term success; you have to be willing to completely change yourself, not just refrain yourself. For example, I fucking hated my life, my job, my lack of education etc., and this was and is the cause for a big part of my relapses over the years. Thus, over the last four years I've been working overtime on myself: I'm back in school, I've lost weight, I workout, I'm doing what I should be doing and it feels great. This change has had a dramatic effect on me and my overall happiness, which makes me sense I can get over this shit once and for all.

Once again, great job on your two years porn free - may we all fuck this habit for good and curse the gods who get in our way!

Best

Blondie
Good morning brother! Reading your story is like my own has been written for me! It’s crazy how similar a lot of our stories are. We all used the same toxic-waste and ended up in the same place.

i 100% agree that in order to give this up once and for all you have to want to wet it with all your heart otherwise you’ll never quite leave the starting blocks. Such are the deeply interwoven roots of the issue here. But like all weeds the roots need to be targeted in order to stems it’s growth and kill it and that’s the point here. Simply starting this journey is all that needs to happen - and then one day at a time from there. If I had to look two/three years down the line I’d probably have rationalised finding an easier route out of the woods or maybe would not even have started at all. And really it’ll take every fibre of the humans being to say enough is enough. The scary thing about porn abuse is that there is no ground zero, we can literally and figuratively plummet for the rest of our lives not knowing the catastrophe that is befalling us.
I AM GRATEFUL THAT I AM HERE NOW! Not just here on this forum but HERE 714 days later, I haven’t looked back. I may have another 800 days to go, who really knows right! But an 800 day walk in the park is alot more fulfilling than one day of self-abuse!

Ready to take on another day with a renewed mindset, being on this forum has brought much needed motivation to be! I appreciate the depth of your response brother! Your growth is amazing!

All the best!
 
Top