Tiredofmylies
Member
I'm brand new here, and I hope that I'm using this forum right.
Okay, so I guess I'll jump right into my introduction/shameful confessions:
I am a man in my late twenties, married for over 8 years. I love my wife and we have a wonderful, loving relationship both outside and inside the bedroom. I've had problems on and off with pornography and masturbation for about 7 years.
Ugh, it's embarrassing to see that typed down. 7 years? What a waste! I hope to bring some positive changes to my life with rebooting. I am a Christian, so I have faith-based convictions to stop constantly, and I have observed physical problems with porn and masturbation in myself. I find in many ways that God's Word advises against things not because of a vague moral high ground, but because they truly are bad for us physically.
I'm going to try to be as objective as possible with the extent of my problem. Where do I start? The beginning?
I started masturbating at a young age. I think I was twelve the first time. I didn't have exposure to pornography until much later. During my teenage years, I masturbated frequently, typically felt ashamed, and often tried to quit. I was never able to quit. I don't think I've gone more than a few months without masturbating since I started. I was exposed to pornography a few times growing up...ads on the internet, a scene in a movie, things like that. I never really "used" pornography as a teenager, but fantasized often. I met my wife when I was 18, and we were married when we were 20.
My addiction developed while my wife was pregnant. I worked mid shifts, and was often awake much later than her on my days off. Bored and lonely, I started viewing pornography. And the rest is history. I always feel ashamed after viewing pornography, and especially when I masturbate on a day that I've viewed porn. I've been on and off pornography for all these years. Sometimes it's months in between, sometimes I have rough patches where I view it a few days a week. Masturbation by itself is not as traumatically shameful to me, but it often seems to lead to porn viewing in one way or another.
I'm tired of all the lies and rationalization in my head. I hate that I view porn. I hate the way it makes my body feel, and I hate the way it detracts from other aspects of my life. I want to be done with it, not for a month or two, but for forever.
That's why I am here. Attempts to quit on my own have repeatedly ended in failure. I have talked to my wife about it in the past. She was upset, but thought it was "normal" for guys. I don't know if she knows that I still struggle with it. Either way, I know that it bothers me much more than it bothers her. I feel like the things that I view and do online have escalated over time. I want it to stop.
My weakest moments are in times of stress and boredom. I hope that my journal here will be a proactive distraction, and help me in both of those times.
For those of you who have taken the time to read my long-winded introduction, thank you. I am glad to hear advice that anyone has to offer.
Okay, so I guess I'll jump right into my introduction/shameful confessions:
I am a man in my late twenties, married for over 8 years. I love my wife and we have a wonderful, loving relationship both outside and inside the bedroom. I've had problems on and off with pornography and masturbation for about 7 years.
Ugh, it's embarrassing to see that typed down. 7 years? What a waste! I hope to bring some positive changes to my life with rebooting. I am a Christian, so I have faith-based convictions to stop constantly, and I have observed physical problems with porn and masturbation in myself. I find in many ways that God's Word advises against things not because of a vague moral high ground, but because they truly are bad for us physically.
I'm going to try to be as objective as possible with the extent of my problem. Where do I start? The beginning?
I started masturbating at a young age. I think I was twelve the first time. I didn't have exposure to pornography until much later. During my teenage years, I masturbated frequently, typically felt ashamed, and often tried to quit. I was never able to quit. I don't think I've gone more than a few months without masturbating since I started. I was exposed to pornography a few times growing up...ads on the internet, a scene in a movie, things like that. I never really "used" pornography as a teenager, but fantasized often. I met my wife when I was 18, and we were married when we were 20.
My addiction developed while my wife was pregnant. I worked mid shifts, and was often awake much later than her on my days off. Bored and lonely, I started viewing pornography. And the rest is history. I always feel ashamed after viewing pornography, and especially when I masturbate on a day that I've viewed porn. I've been on and off pornography for all these years. Sometimes it's months in between, sometimes I have rough patches where I view it a few days a week. Masturbation by itself is not as traumatically shameful to me, but it often seems to lead to porn viewing in one way or another.
I'm tired of all the lies and rationalization in my head. I hate that I view porn. I hate the way it makes my body feel, and I hate the way it detracts from other aspects of my life. I want to be done with it, not for a month or two, but for forever.
That's why I am here. Attempts to quit on my own have repeatedly ended in failure. I have talked to my wife about it in the past. She was upset, but thought it was "normal" for guys. I don't know if she knows that I still struggle with it. Either way, I know that it bothers me much more than it bothers her. I feel like the things that I view and do online have escalated over time. I want it to stop.
My weakest moments are in times of stress and boredom. I hope that my journal here will be a proactive distraction, and help me in both of those times.
For those of you who have taken the time to read my long-winded introduction, thank you. I am glad to hear advice that anyone has to offer.
but for the most part it was a outlet for perversion. I can also relate with the magazines, especially with some celebrities that are particularly attractive its hard not to wonder what they might look like in the middle of a sexual act.