jatinverma31
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Porn? Nah I'll stretch my body and listen to my favorite songs 
I will not quit trying!!
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jatinverma31
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At this current moment I'm too tired. I'm physically exhausted because I played sports after a long time. Stressed because got in an argument with a teen, said some things and now they might beat me. Stressed because exams are coming and haven't studied again even though doing extra semester for already failing. Upset at myself for the thing I've done today. Angry at myself for using my phone even when it's 1:00 at night and I was supposed to wake up at 4:45 in the morning. No idea what I'm doing on my phone, just numbing my thoughts. At moments like these porn become very alluring. But no! I will resist. I know things are not ideal atm, but this small step of not watching porn tonight will push me in the right direction. I'll make this post and try to sleep, because this 4 hour rest will be enough to get me going for gym tomorrow, then I'll sleep in tomorrow afternoon to cover my lost sleep time.
I feel proud for taking the right path tonight even when so much was going on in my head. Things aren't always as we want them to be, but I gotta remember the rules I set for myself in life, because they make me what i am. These principles I set for myself decide my personality, and what kind of person I am.
I feel proud for taking the right path tonight even when so much was going on in my head. Things aren't always as we want them to be, but I gotta remember the rules I set for myself in life, because they make me what i am. These principles I set for myself decide my personality, and what kind of person I am.
jatinverma31
Member
I wasn't even having intense urges. I was just bored, and having nothing else to do but phone in my hand, ended up doing it, well hopefully I'll do better next time.
Btw, I don't take these numbers seriously, I am doing much better not watching porn everyday for hours now. Goal is to be better in the long term, and I'm already getting better. Just need to make sure I am prepared if the similarity situation arrives. Leaning from my mistakes atleast.
Btw, I don't take these numbers seriously, I am doing much better not watching porn everyday for hours now. Goal is to be better in the long term, and I'm already getting better. Just need to make sure I am prepared if the similarity situation arrives. Leaning from my mistakes atleast.
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jatinverma31
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I completely stopped caring about it for a while. Then this addiction took over me. Months later I found myself to be stuck in this habit, that I'm doing this without even thinking about it. Every day. I felt ashamed and worthless. I decided to quit again, but failed again. And again. And again. Several times. I watched porn today again, but this time I managed to stop myself and not go through the end. It's like something takes over my body, and it makes it hard to forgive myself for the things I do and the promises I break. Still I will forgive myself once again, because I have no one but myself who can help me in this journey. I hope I'll make it one day. Whatever happens, one thing is for sure, my other side also knows watching porn is not right for me. It has caused and causing some damage in my life. I hope I learn to take action on matters that are important and not escape my responsibilities. Sometimes I take weeks or months to do a task that could take me only 10-15 minutes. The instant gratification has made my life worse, but I'm learning.
Hey, buddy, I've been trying since 2019 to quit. The important thing is that you continue to try, and that you continue to get back up and give it one more attempt. I know the feeling of being defeated by another urge and relapse, but I also know the beauty and confidence that comes from not giving into those 2 things. One day, you'll be free and you will conquer this. Just please keep trying no matter what happens. You can do it. Have a great week.
jatinverma31
Member
I did quit trying for a while, and I was doing well for some time recently. I have significantly reduced how much I watch porn, but still I manage to come back. After a week now I had started to feel depressed now. This morning I did not want to wake up at all, and until 1pm in the afternoon I did not want to do any thing. Literally anything. I went to office but I did not want to do a single thing in there. I did not want to talk with people and everything looked bad. Combine that with the experience I had irl of hospitals and watching so much corruption, let's just say I had become depressed for some time now. I thought I was feeling so bad by the experiences only but now I realize half of it was just the effect of not PMOing for while. Today I did the PMO in office's washroom (yeah, I am not proud of it. I should not), and all of a sudden chemicals made my mood a lot different. Everything started making sense, and now I am feeling lot better rn, but I know it will fade away in a day or two and I will again feel so depressed I would not want to leave my bed.
I am not kidding when I say I wanted to die for some days now and all of a sudden I don't feel like this anymore. I know this feeling isn't permanent and will fade away soon, but honestly this is just another reminder for me how much these chemical changes can affect the brain. This is just a reminder that if I don't want porn for long enough I will again start to feel good without it as my brain can adjust, and activites such as exercising, or doing something else that i can enjoy can help. Now yeah it gets very difficult sometimes to go to gym when feeling like that.
I am not kidding when I say I wanted to die for some days now and all of a sudden I don't feel like this anymore. I know this feeling isn't permanent and will fade away soon, but honestly this is just another reminder for me how much these chemical changes can affect the brain. This is just a reminder that if I don't want porn for long enough I will again start to feel good without it as my brain can adjust, and activites such as exercising, or doing something else that i can enjoy can help. Now yeah it gets very difficult sometimes to go to gym when feeling like that.
jatinverma31
Member
It has been 5 days since I have watched porn. First of all I am not sure what I am feeling is due to staying away from porn or other factors, but I am gonna share my thoughts regardless of that. For last 3 days I am having a lot of weird thoughts. I am 23 and never had intimacy with a girl, and honestly I am not thinking about having sex with any girl. My brain is just longing for connection. I feel that I wish I had someone in my life, a girl, who can listen to my thoughts and love me. Not sexually, but just love me for the person I am. I know I watch porn behind closed doors, but when in public I am very respectful towards girls, but still no girl has ever loved me in my life. My surroundings never made chances, or to rephrase it, I never put myself in situation that will earn me chances to find a girl for me. I don't know but these thoughts just keep coming to me. Everywhere I am going, while commuting to and from office, I am seeing couples, noticing girls and thinking why I can't have love in my life. I know I will think about these things if I focus on them, and for that I am diverting my focus to other things, but still these thoughts keep itching me. Idk, yesterday was manageable, but right now I feel very lonely. Just came here to let my thoughts out. Feeling a little better just for writing it out. I can only imagine how it would feel to have a person who loves you. I have my parents, but having a partner who can provide intimacy. I mean, don't get me wrong. I am not just thinking about sex, but you must agree that having someone around, and the "touch" is also an important part of feeling loved. Having someone to whom we can tell things without filter is also something. Sharing feelings. I used to go to chatgpt to let my thoughts out but I am not gonna do that because I have started to feel this AI is not my therapist, and does more harm to me by suggesting weird stuff.
Anyways, guys I am feeling lonely right now. I know the moment I stop writing here, I will be hit with the question: what now? And yes I have work to do, and I can keep myself busy but something inside my heart feels hollow right now. I am going to try listen to some songs. Does anyone have a feel good song? Anyways, I can find those by a google search. Like, if you are reading this, thanks for reading my thoughts. Sometimes having someone who can hear your heart feels so important. I am proud of myself of this one thing that I always try to listen to people when they speak. Maybe one day I will have friends who can do that for me in return. It's funny how a world with more than 8 billion people can make you feel there's no one for you.
Anyways, guys I am feeling lonely right now. I know the moment I stop writing here, I will be hit with the question: what now? And yes I have work to do, and I can keep myself busy but something inside my heart feels hollow right now. I am going to try listen to some songs. Does anyone have a feel good song? Anyways, I can find those by a google search. Like, if you are reading this, thanks for reading my thoughts. Sometimes having someone who can hear your heart feels so important. I am proud of myself of this one thing that I always try to listen to people when they speak. Maybe one day I will have friends who can do that for me in return. It's funny how a world with more than 8 billion people can make you feel there's no one for you.
jatinverma31
Member
Anyways, this is just a phase which will pass soon.
jatinverma31
Member
I watched it again and after 3 hours I am again a different person. It's funny how it works.
3 hours ago, I had this same body but the thing which I never want to right now was like the most important thing at that moment. I am lost for words. How does that happen? Seriously, it seems ridiculous to me how I can try to leave something and keep coming back to it.
Anyways, patience. I need to have some patience. For now, I will sleep and tomorrow I'll try to think more deeply about what went wrong today.
3 hours ago, I had this same body but the thing which I never want to right now was like the most important thing at that moment. I am lost for words. How does that happen? Seriously, it seems ridiculous to me how I can try to leave something and keep coming back to it.
Anyways, patience. I need to have some patience. For now, I will sleep and tomorrow I'll try to think more deeply about what went wrong today.
jatinverma31
Member
I am tired boss. Can anyone please help me? I just don't understand. This whole situation is out of my hand. I think that I will never watch porn again but then it happens. It's not just about watching anymore. I watch stuff I don't even want to see, and the things I do to watch and jerk off. Please help me. Is there anything that can help me besides therapy, because I can't afford it.