BrunoOliveira
Member
My name is Bruno Oliveira. I'm from Brazil, 23 years old, married for 2 years.
I'm a religious person from childhood, so I learned that porn and masturbation were wrong. Nevertheless, I got addicted in PMO by the age of 11. I started seeing porn first, and only started masturbating some time later.
I think it all started when I found cards depicting naked women in a friend's house. He didn't think it was wrong. That gave me a very strong urge to look for more pictures of naked women, and I did, in the day after, on the computer in my bedroom, even though I felt bad about it. That turned into a habit, and sometime later I even did that together with another friend, and almost got caught.
One night I spent so much time fantasizing about the women that I saw that my dick started throbbing. I've never felt that before (I was in the beginning of puberty) and felt that I was going too far, doing something I shouldn't. Then I stopped looking for those images and fantasizing... for a time.
At school, the cool boys used to say that everybody fapped, and they talked openly about it, and told a lot of jokes on the subject. Then, one night, out of nothing but frustration with my social life, I decided do try. I didn't use any image that time, I just imagined a beautiful girl that I barely knew from school that seemed nice undressing and moaning untill I came for the first time (excluding the wet dreams I've already had at that point). The sensation was very good, but I was sad about it.
It seemed to me that masturbation was something worse than looking at naked women at the Internet. Later I found that I was so badly mistaken.
Then I got back to looking at women in the Internet, watching videos this time, until I started watching "real porn", while masturbating.
When I made 15 I wanted to quit doing it, because I felt like a dirty person, playing with my body in an unhealthy way, and seeing people having sex in unrealistic situations and without caring. That was disgusting, but at the same time, addictive. I knew I was addicted, otherwise I would have already stopped.
I talked to a friend about it, and he was going through the same thing. We then started trying to motivate each other not to give up and stop doing it once and for all.
I don't know exactly why, but at some point we stopped helping each other. I don't know if he succeeded and got free from PMO. I really hope he has. Unfortunately, that wasn't my case. I'd manage to stay some periods of time without doing it, but always relapsed at some point.
Fast-forward to 18 years old.
I was in my longest run without PMO, breaking my records. I really tought I would make it this time. Then all was ruined when I started sharing nudes with my girlfriend. We masturbated in front of the camera to each other. We didn't wanted to have sex before the marriage... Well, what we were already doing wasn't exactly waiting for the right time anyway.
That didn't do any good for me. Since then, I would masturbate often to alleviate the sexual tension (thinking only about her, in respect to her).
We married when I was 21. She had more sexual experience than I did. I was still virgin. But I did a lot of reaserch on how to please a woman... I don't know if that did any good to me either. Maybe it would be better just to learn with her,
naturally, with no anxiety.
In some of our first times, I couldn't mantain an erection, because of my anxiety to perform, and because it required more effort than just fapping, as I used to do. But thank God I got over that very quickly and we can have good sex whenever we want.
Today we are happily married. I love her very much and she is so good to me.
But... In moments of frustration, I have been doing PMO.
I never tought I would do this when I have an incredible woman to whom I'm so emotionally connected and with whom I can have great sex with. I am so ashamed of myself...
It all started in moments I was frustrated with her (it always starts with frustration). In the beggining, I did it, but thinking about her. Then, I started watching hentai, rationalizing that it weren't real people there... And then I started looking at sexy videos of specific women that attracted me, but I don't watch "real porn".
She found out...
She felt so bad about herself, as if I was not attracted to her anymore. That is not true, I am still very attracted to her. She is such a gougeous woman. She doesn't deserve anyone making her feel that way.
I didn't think it was affecting me, but it was. There were times when I would remain erect till the end, but wouldn't come with her. There were also times when I came with her, but then still wanted to watch sexy videos. I learned it is called "chaser effect".
I opened up with her about it, and she understands me. I want to stop, and she is in my team, thank God.
I need help. I have tried alone so many times and didn't make it. I need to try something different.
Thank you for reading this. I hope it can help someone, and I hope to learn from your experience. A good night to all of you.
I'm a religious person from childhood, so I learned that porn and masturbation were wrong. Nevertheless, I got addicted in PMO by the age of 11. I started seeing porn first, and only started masturbating some time later.
I think it all started when I found cards depicting naked women in a friend's house. He didn't think it was wrong. That gave me a very strong urge to look for more pictures of naked women, and I did, in the day after, on the computer in my bedroom, even though I felt bad about it. That turned into a habit, and sometime later I even did that together with another friend, and almost got caught.
One night I spent so much time fantasizing about the women that I saw that my dick started throbbing. I've never felt that before (I was in the beginning of puberty) and felt that I was going too far, doing something I shouldn't. Then I stopped looking for those images and fantasizing... for a time.
At school, the cool boys used to say that everybody fapped, and they talked openly about it, and told a lot of jokes on the subject. Then, one night, out of nothing but frustration with my social life, I decided do try. I didn't use any image that time, I just imagined a beautiful girl that I barely knew from school that seemed nice undressing and moaning untill I came for the first time (excluding the wet dreams I've already had at that point). The sensation was very good, but I was sad about it.
It seemed to me that masturbation was something worse than looking at naked women at the Internet. Later I found that I was so badly mistaken.
Then I got back to looking at women in the Internet, watching videos this time, until I started watching "real porn", while masturbating.
When I made 15 I wanted to quit doing it, because I felt like a dirty person, playing with my body in an unhealthy way, and seeing people having sex in unrealistic situations and without caring. That was disgusting, but at the same time, addictive. I knew I was addicted, otherwise I would have already stopped.
I talked to a friend about it, and he was going through the same thing. We then started trying to motivate each other not to give up and stop doing it once and for all.
I don't know exactly why, but at some point we stopped helping each other. I don't know if he succeeded and got free from PMO. I really hope he has. Unfortunately, that wasn't my case. I'd manage to stay some periods of time without doing it, but always relapsed at some point.
Fast-forward to 18 years old.
I was in my longest run without PMO, breaking my records. I really tought I would make it this time. Then all was ruined when I started sharing nudes with my girlfriend. We masturbated in front of the camera to each other. We didn't wanted to have sex before the marriage... Well, what we were already doing wasn't exactly waiting for the right time anyway.
That didn't do any good for me. Since then, I would masturbate often to alleviate the sexual tension (thinking only about her, in respect to her).
We married when I was 21. She had more sexual experience than I did. I was still virgin. But I did a lot of reaserch on how to please a woman... I don't know if that did any good to me either. Maybe it would be better just to learn with her,
naturally, with no anxiety.
In some of our first times, I couldn't mantain an erection, because of my anxiety to perform, and because it required more effort than just fapping, as I used to do. But thank God I got over that very quickly and we can have good sex whenever we want.
Today we are happily married. I love her very much and she is so good to me.
But... In moments of frustration, I have been doing PMO.
I never tought I would do this when I have an incredible woman to whom I'm so emotionally connected and with whom I can have great sex with. I am so ashamed of myself...
It all started in moments I was frustrated with her (it always starts with frustration). In the beggining, I did it, but thinking about her. Then, I started watching hentai, rationalizing that it weren't real people there... And then I started looking at sexy videos of specific women that attracted me, but I don't watch "real porn".
She found out...
She felt so bad about herself, as if I was not attracted to her anymore. That is not true, I am still very attracted to her. She is such a gougeous woman. She doesn't deserve anyone making her feel that way.
I didn't think it was affecting me, but it was. There were times when I would remain erect till the end, but wouldn't come with her. There were also times when I came with her, but then still wanted to watch sexy videos. I learned it is called "chaser effect".
I opened up with her about it, and she understands me. I want to stop, and she is in my team, thank God.
I need help. I have tried alone so many times and didn't make it. I need to try something different.
Thank you for reading this. I hope it can help someone, and I hope to learn from your experience. A good night to all of you.