Wedergeboorte
Member
Day1
It’s taken me so many days to make myself write this. Maybe its because by posting on this forum Ive finally accepted that I’m a porn addict. I’ve struggled with this for too long and its affecting so many areas of my life that I have to stop now. I was born into a very religious family so didnt really have a lot of access to porn regularly growing up. I guess just that growing curiosity from a young age without access to porn regularly maybe have contributed to the addiction. I started watching porn on and off in my mid teens. I however didnt start self gratification until my early twenties when i was in university. I felt like i had discovered something that would help relax, help me pass time and just help switch off from the stresses of life. It became a daily thing and sometimes more than once. I’m 34 years old now, i only realised i had a problem about a year ago and since then I’ve had periods of 1 week to 3 weeks without PMO. I’ve been with my girlfriend for the last 10 years, I was losing interest in making love to her and that was because I was using porn to meet all my urges. When we did have sex I sometimes struggled to hold an erection but my main issue was premature ejaculation. This has really affected my confidence and makes me anxious when i have sex now. Over the last 1 year I’ve tried numerous times to give up porn, the longest I lasted was 21 days. The moment I’m bored, I’m alone or I’m stressed my brain tells me to PMO. And the moment i relapse it’s followed by shame, guilt, feeling worthless and this ends up with me continuing to use porn to cope with these feelings. I’ve been successful in my life with everything Ive done so far other than my battle with porn. Every time i relapse i feel like a failure and this is stopping me from progressing with other aspects of my life because i feel like i keep failing with this so i’ll just be the same with everything else. To the outside world i look like a respectable good man but this dirty secret doesn’t make me feel anything like that.
I relapse when I’m alone at home, I’m bored or anxious. It feels like my brain is on automatic mode and its telling me to PMO, it ignores and rationalises everything my inner voice is telling me not to do. I cant keep doing this cycle over and over again, I feel like I’m stuck and will remain feeling like this for the rest of my life if I don’t act now. That’s a very scary thought. I would really appreciate any advice from rebooters on how to control that urge when it comes on, that intense craving that I’m not able to beat. For now my strategy is when i have the urge to think about how miserable i feel after each time i PMO to stop myself acting out. During the day i make myself go to gym, run some errands which keeps my mind off things. It’s just when I’m alone at night I’m struggling to come up with a way to stop myself from using porn.
It’s taken me so many days to make myself write this. Maybe its because by posting on this forum Ive finally accepted that I’m a porn addict. I’ve struggled with this for too long and its affecting so many areas of my life that I have to stop now. I was born into a very religious family so didnt really have a lot of access to porn regularly growing up. I guess just that growing curiosity from a young age without access to porn regularly maybe have contributed to the addiction. I started watching porn on and off in my mid teens. I however didnt start self gratification until my early twenties when i was in university. I felt like i had discovered something that would help relax, help me pass time and just help switch off from the stresses of life. It became a daily thing and sometimes more than once. I’m 34 years old now, i only realised i had a problem about a year ago and since then I’ve had periods of 1 week to 3 weeks without PMO. I’ve been with my girlfriend for the last 10 years, I was losing interest in making love to her and that was because I was using porn to meet all my urges. When we did have sex I sometimes struggled to hold an erection but my main issue was premature ejaculation. This has really affected my confidence and makes me anxious when i have sex now. Over the last 1 year I’ve tried numerous times to give up porn, the longest I lasted was 21 days. The moment I’m bored, I’m alone or I’m stressed my brain tells me to PMO. And the moment i relapse it’s followed by shame, guilt, feeling worthless and this ends up with me continuing to use porn to cope with these feelings. I’ve been successful in my life with everything Ive done so far other than my battle with porn. Every time i relapse i feel like a failure and this is stopping me from progressing with other aspects of my life because i feel like i keep failing with this so i’ll just be the same with everything else. To the outside world i look like a respectable good man but this dirty secret doesn’t make me feel anything like that.
I relapse when I’m alone at home, I’m bored or anxious. It feels like my brain is on automatic mode and its telling me to PMO, it ignores and rationalises everything my inner voice is telling me not to do. I cant keep doing this cycle over and over again, I feel like I’m stuck and will remain feeling like this for the rest of my life if I don’t act now. That’s a very scary thought. I would really appreciate any advice from rebooters on how to control that urge when it comes on, that intense craving that I’m not able to beat. For now my strategy is when i have the urge to think about how miserable i feel after each time i PMO to stop myself acting out. During the day i make myself go to gym, run some errands which keeps my mind off things. It’s just when I’m alone at night I’m struggling to come up with a way to stop myself from using porn.