Beautiful1973
Active Member
This is a cautionary tale of the reality of being in love with a Porn Addict, my account is long and detailed, but I want you to feel the true impact of what this addiction does to partners, relationships, and intimacy. I have inserted a little humour, this is by no means to minimise the seriousness of the subject, but to lighten the heaviness of my experience.
As a young woman I’d never been anti porn, I had indulged in the odd dabble, had always been into erotica and boy could this girl sext……that was up until it began to wreak havoc in my personal life.
I meet my man 2 ½ years ago, he said the moment I got out of the car it was love at first sight, and it quickly became apparent that I felt the same. The chemistry between us was amazing and I thought this was going to be the relationship I had craved for so long, full of fun, adventure, sex, and intimacy. Looking back I feel we rushed into sex & intimacy and at the time I dismissed the awkwardness down to the fact that we hadn’t yet built a solid emotional connection, but even so after that first evening, my gut told me something was off, it was very mechanical, he struggled to maintain an erection, which was something I had never experienced in my life, my Sex Therapist later told me that I must have been living in a magical wonderland all these years to get to my age and not come across the odd limp noodle….LOL! Then during that first experience, when I thought things couldn’t get any more bizarre he just STOPPED mid stroke, I was totally puzzled, I later asked him why he didn’t want to try to orgasm, he then told me that he struggled to orgasm with a woman……also the first time I had experienced that……looking back I think why did you not just run at that point…..but hell I’m not a shallow cow and I really liked the guy….LOL.
Over the next few days, he opened up about only being able to orgasm on his own, and touched on the fact that he watched porn, at that point I never really had a problem with the porn, I just thought if he was honest about it then it would be OK, but nothing prepared me for the impact it would have on my life or our intimate relationship. Our first few sexual experiences are some of the strangest of my life, he kept telling me how sexy and beautiful I was yet he struggled to be aroused by me, it was incredible frustrating and confusing. At one point we had a very weird encounter were he just STOPPED me mid passion to tell me he couldn’t enjoy the pleasure of receiving oral sex, I had no response as my mouth was full…..LOL……definitely should have run after that. I remember feeling so angry, I sat up and said WTF, no man has ever told me that in my life……and then I kicked him out of my bed. In hindsight I probably didn’t handle that the best, but I felt at my wits end, and could not understand what the hell was going on. The following day he told me that he didn’t think he could give me what I wanted, and said he couldn’t see me anymore, I said OK if that’s how you feel, I can’t change that…..but then the next day he text me upset saying he’d made a mistake and could he come and see me……seriously the man is a nightmare of emotions! We talked things through, and I said I needed him to be honest with me, but also that he needed to respect what I wanted from a relationship, and so we climbed back onto the merry go round, or what his best mate would later refer to as a rollercoaster!
I had been seeing a Counsellor & Sex Therapist (that’s a whole other story….LOL) regularly who had helped me heal from walking away from a 17 year relationship from someone who had neglected me sexually for years. I confided in my Counsellor about what was going on in this new relationship, and she suggested that we hold off on the sex and work more on the intimacy and sensual stuff, so we did and it worked. Over the next few months, we worked through our different connection styles, me having a higher sex drive than him, his negative self-talk that constantly made him want to run away from me! We were happy, he was happy, he’d given up smoking, had stopped consuming porn, was living a healthy lifestyle and we were experiencing deep emotional connection and great sex & intimacy, boy what I would give to go back to those days.
Then leading up to the 6-month mark everything changed, he made a random comment about how normally he would be thinking about breaking up about now, I was thinking WTF why would you be thinking about that when we are happy, you have a wonderful, loving partner, why would those thoughts even enter into your head.
He decided to spend the night of our 6-month anniversary with his best mate, which was disappointing, but I didn’t make a big song and dance about it. The next week when he arrive at my place for the weekend he was visible upset, he said something happened the other night that had shaken him up, he proceeded to tell me about how when his mate was at his place he was trying to show him porn on his phone of people in sex chat rooms, people predominantly men were masturbating and my man didn’t feel comfortable and told him to turn that shit off. I said to him, that I wasn’t OK with his mate doing that and that I felt he was cheating on his wife by engaging in that behaviour. He was pretty upset, and I took it as a positive that it gave me the opportunity to enforce a boundary around what I felt was and wasn’t OK with watching porn.
But sadly, after that night, nothing was ever the same, he started lying to me and keeping secrets, started smoking again, watching porn, avoiding intimacy, saying he had no mojo and coming to town for work and not telling me. This became the start of an on again off again cycle in our relationship where I couldn’t tolerate the lying and him being emotionally distant and him chasing after me once he’d had enough space to miss me and realise what he was giving up, promising me he would change, promising me he would stop watching porn, stop smoking, stop being a generally shitty human.
As a young woman I’d never been anti porn, I had indulged in the odd dabble, had always been into erotica and boy could this girl sext……that was up until it began to wreak havoc in my personal life.
I meet my man 2 ½ years ago, he said the moment I got out of the car it was love at first sight, and it quickly became apparent that I felt the same. The chemistry between us was amazing and I thought this was going to be the relationship I had craved for so long, full of fun, adventure, sex, and intimacy. Looking back I feel we rushed into sex & intimacy and at the time I dismissed the awkwardness down to the fact that we hadn’t yet built a solid emotional connection, but even so after that first evening, my gut told me something was off, it was very mechanical, he struggled to maintain an erection, which was something I had never experienced in my life, my Sex Therapist later told me that I must have been living in a magical wonderland all these years to get to my age and not come across the odd limp noodle….LOL! Then during that first experience, when I thought things couldn’t get any more bizarre he just STOPPED mid stroke, I was totally puzzled, I later asked him why he didn’t want to try to orgasm, he then told me that he struggled to orgasm with a woman……also the first time I had experienced that……looking back I think why did you not just run at that point…..but hell I’m not a shallow cow and I really liked the guy….LOL.
Over the next few days, he opened up about only being able to orgasm on his own, and touched on the fact that he watched porn, at that point I never really had a problem with the porn, I just thought if he was honest about it then it would be OK, but nothing prepared me for the impact it would have on my life or our intimate relationship. Our first few sexual experiences are some of the strangest of my life, he kept telling me how sexy and beautiful I was yet he struggled to be aroused by me, it was incredible frustrating and confusing. At one point we had a very weird encounter were he just STOPPED me mid passion to tell me he couldn’t enjoy the pleasure of receiving oral sex, I had no response as my mouth was full…..LOL……definitely should have run after that. I remember feeling so angry, I sat up and said WTF, no man has ever told me that in my life……and then I kicked him out of my bed. In hindsight I probably didn’t handle that the best, but I felt at my wits end, and could not understand what the hell was going on. The following day he told me that he didn’t think he could give me what I wanted, and said he couldn’t see me anymore, I said OK if that’s how you feel, I can’t change that…..but then the next day he text me upset saying he’d made a mistake and could he come and see me……seriously the man is a nightmare of emotions! We talked things through, and I said I needed him to be honest with me, but also that he needed to respect what I wanted from a relationship, and so we climbed back onto the merry go round, or what his best mate would later refer to as a rollercoaster!
I had been seeing a Counsellor & Sex Therapist (that’s a whole other story….LOL) regularly who had helped me heal from walking away from a 17 year relationship from someone who had neglected me sexually for years. I confided in my Counsellor about what was going on in this new relationship, and she suggested that we hold off on the sex and work more on the intimacy and sensual stuff, so we did and it worked. Over the next few months, we worked through our different connection styles, me having a higher sex drive than him, his negative self-talk that constantly made him want to run away from me! We were happy, he was happy, he’d given up smoking, had stopped consuming porn, was living a healthy lifestyle and we were experiencing deep emotional connection and great sex & intimacy, boy what I would give to go back to those days.
Then leading up to the 6-month mark everything changed, he made a random comment about how normally he would be thinking about breaking up about now, I was thinking WTF why would you be thinking about that when we are happy, you have a wonderful, loving partner, why would those thoughts even enter into your head.
He decided to spend the night of our 6-month anniversary with his best mate, which was disappointing, but I didn’t make a big song and dance about it. The next week when he arrive at my place for the weekend he was visible upset, he said something happened the other night that had shaken him up, he proceeded to tell me about how when his mate was at his place he was trying to show him porn on his phone of people in sex chat rooms, people predominantly men were masturbating and my man didn’t feel comfortable and told him to turn that shit off. I said to him, that I wasn’t OK with his mate doing that and that I felt he was cheating on his wife by engaging in that behaviour. He was pretty upset, and I took it as a positive that it gave me the opportunity to enforce a boundary around what I felt was and wasn’t OK with watching porn.
But sadly, after that night, nothing was ever the same, he started lying to me and keeping secrets, started smoking again, watching porn, avoiding intimacy, saying he had no mojo and coming to town for work and not telling me. This became the start of an on again off again cycle in our relationship where I couldn’t tolerate the lying and him being emotionally distant and him chasing after me once he’d had enough space to miss me and realise what he was giving up, promising me he would change, promising me he would stop watching porn, stop smoking, stop being a generally shitty human.
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