Making a start, ashamed and worried

H

HesGotProblem

Member
Hi all. Ok so I've been using porn my whole adult life. I'm about 40 so easily 25 years or more. I grew up with limited porn available, mostly magazines my dad had hidden. As soon as I had the internet that was it, in my teens even when in relationships I would regularly watch and save porn. If I didn't have sex in a day I would find time or plan to watch porn.

I'd love to say more recently but over the past ten years the porn I've watched has become more and more extreme, in almost any porn genre. Over the last year or so I found some forums which showed me actual teens (so underage for porn), and I started to save that content too. My problem seems to of gotten worse as I'm truly ashamed to say I also saved some extremely questionable videos too.

Skip to my current relationship where my fiancee (I recently proposed) has seen some porn on my computer, and while I have been out has opened my pc and seen my whole collection.

She hasn't decided what to do, I wouldn't blame her if she shamed me, split up, etc.

To be honest I could of done a better job of hiding things but in a weird way I'm also glad someone knows. I really do want to change, for my own sanity I have shredded my hard drives and been frank and honest with my partner. Even if this is the end of my relationship, I HAVE to change. I'm ashamed of myself daily and I'm very much ruining my life...

Any immediate suggestions for resources in the Uk I'd be really grateful. I'd like to be able to talk freely on here, so honest support and feedback would be really welcome x
 
TryingHarder

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Welcome, HesGotProblem. This forum will definitely be a good resource for you if you've decided to stop your porn addiction. All of us are more or less in the same situation as you, and we're here to help.

Delete all of the porn, start on a 90 day reboot, read Your Brain On Porn from cover to cover, and basically educate yourself on how deep and damaging a porn addiction can be. Be honest with your partner and prove to her that you want to change and - more importantly - that you will change.

It's not going to be an easy road, but the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I wish you best of luck!
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
my advice to you is to get a blocking software, and completely eliminate PMO and any related fantasies. it is very difficult to resist urges that come from addiction related brain changes like P addiction, primarily the deficiency in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for self control). once you get a head start and this part of the brain recovers a bit, resisting the urges becomes easier. It takes time for the PFC to recover so you are even able to say “no” at all so removing even the option of PMOF becomes very important, hence the blocking software. I use covenant eyes, details in my signature.

your brain will usually balance itself out with enough time. keep coming to the forums for support and soon you will become re-sensitized to normal stimuli. together, we can all get our boners back.
 
H

HesGotProblem

Member
Thanks daybyday - I totally should of said I did that almost immediately. My partner put the child settings on the internet and explicit content is not available on my phone 🙌
 
C

Candance88

New Member
Daybyday1988 said:
my advice to you is to get a blocking software, and completely eliminate PMO and any related fantasies. it is very difficult to resist urges that come from addiction related brain changes like P addiction, primarily the deficiency in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for self control). once you get a head start and this part of the brain recovers a bit, resisting the urges becomes easier. It takes time for the PFC to recover so you are even able to say “no” at all so removing even the option of PMOF becomes very important, hence the blocking software. I use covenant eyes, details in my signature.

your brain will usually balance itself out with enough time. keep coming to the forums for support and soon you will become re-sensitized to normal stimuli. together, we can all get our boners back.
Click to expand...
How to install this blocking software? Can you give me some names to look for it on internet?
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
yeah just look in my signature, the link is in there. its called covenant eyes. you download the program and it walks you through it. it is between $10-$15 a month. totally worth it
 
T

TheFuture1

Member
HesGotProblem said:
Hi all. Ok so I've been using porn my whole adult life. I'm about 40 so easily 25 years or more. I grew up with limited porn available, mostly magazines my dad had hidden. As soon as I had the internet that was it, in my teens even when in relationships I would regularly watch and save porn. If I didn't have sex in a day I would find time or plan to watch porn.

I'd love to say more recently but over the past ten years the porn I've watched has become more and more extreme, in almost any porn genre. Over the last year or so I found some forums which showed me actual teens (so underage for porn), and I started to save that content too. My problem seems to of gotten worse as I'm truly ashamed to say I also saved some extremely questionable videos too.

Skip to my current relationship where my fiancee (I recently proposed) has seen some porn on my computer, and while I have been out has opened my pc and seen my whole collection.

She hasn't decided what to do, I wouldn't blame her if she shamed me, split up, etc.

To be honest I could of done a better job of hiding things but in a weird way I'm also glad someone knows. I really do want to change, for my own sanity I have shredded my hard drives and been frank and honest with my partner. Even if this is the end of my relationship, I HAVE to change. I'm ashamed of myself daily and I'm very much ruining my life...

Any immediate suggestions for resources in the Uk I'd be really grateful. I'd like to be able to talk freely on here, so honest support and feedback would be really welcome x
Click to expand...
Well done for being so honest right at the start of your recovery journey. It takes a lot of courage to do that.

I’m also in the UK so feel free to send me a direct message.

I have to say that it seems like you have a great attitude. As well as realising that you need to change, it seems that you want to change, regardless of what happens with your relationship. Hold onto that feeling of wanting to change - find ways to nurture that desire for change. Look forward to having a life that isn’t ruled by compulsion and secrecy. It might take time to achieve it but embrace the journey - take pride in and enjoy working towards that life and facing the challenges along the way.

I’m talking from bitter experience. When I first realised I had a problem, there wasn’t much awareness of this problem so I had no idea where to turn for support.

Dealing with shame on my own for so long screwed up my head. Even when I started to reach out for support, years after I first realised I had a problem, I couldn’t be honest. I didn’t really consistently want to change. I was so focused on finding ways to cope with the shame that I couldn’t hold onto my desire to change. My attempts at recovery faltered and I entered another downward spiral. I struggled through another 10 years of being a (barely) functioning addict. I was too scared to attempt recovery again because the first failed attempt hurt so much. I’m only just managing to truly start again now. I’ve learned from past mistakes and I’m excited about recovery again.

Sorry if I’m making this about me. I’m just saying that your honesty and your desire to change will be a real asset for your recovery. Well done.
 
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Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
I was so focused on finding ways to cope with the shame that I couldn’t hold onto my desire to change.
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Wow that really hits home, Future. Reading that I think has clarified some things about my own Experience as well.
 
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