Rebooting symptom i struggle with

Michael89

Michael89

Member
Hey guys,

So i've noticed one of my issues why i've never had a successful 90 day reboot is because i struggle with the withdrawal symptom of when i abstain from everything(porn, sex, masturbation) life for me loses a lot of joy. Basically i'm someone who uses sexual pleasure as a way to cope with life. Has anyone else experienced this or can relate to these feelings. I'd be interested in your experiences.
 
G

Go Flow

Member
I'm sure the withdrawal symptoms will be an issue, but there are likely some other deeper underlying issues too.

Acting out and withdrawal symptoms are the symptoms of a long line of causes.

Because they are so overwhelming and consuming its easy to think that they are the cause to all your woes, but they aren't.

Yes, they are part of the problem and you will now need to manage them, but you'll also need to manage them along with the underlying reasons, the root causes, to your problems, and that a different topic entirely.

You say you lose joy without PMO, but pmo is just a stop gap. You're unhappy because you are not content in other areas of your life, so, identify those areas and the supporting beliefs and then do the exact opposite to them.

If you'd like to discuss addressing this more then dm me, or let's talk open online, as others may also benefit...
 
a-a-ron

a-a-ron

Member
It's something I've struggled with too. It's on of the reasons I'm going back into therapy so I can tackle the root causes and work on doing things that make me happy and feel fulfilled so I can feel like me again.
 
Michael89

Michael89

Member
Go Flow said:
I'm sure the withdrawal symptoms will be an issue, but there are likely some other deeper underlying issues too.

Acting out and withdrawal symptoms are the symptoms of a long line of causes.

Because they are so overwhelming and consuming its easy to think that they are the cause to all your woes, but they aren't.

Yes, they are part of the problem and you will now need to manage them, but you'll also need to manage them along with the underlying reasons, the root causes, to your problems, and that a different topic entirely.

You say you lose joy without PMO, but pmo is just a stop gap. You're unhappy because you are not content in other areas of your life, so, identify those areas and the supporting beliefs and then do the exact opposite to them.

If you'd like to discuss addressing this more then dm me, or let's talk open online, as others may also benefit...
Click to expand...

I'm going DM you. Appreciate the feedback.
 
Michael89

Michael89

Member
a-a-ron said:
It's something I've struggled with too. It's on of the reasons I'm going back into therapy so I can tackle the root causes and work on doing things that make me happy and feel fulfilled so I can feel like me again.
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I feel you, i'm not sure if therapy would help me, but maybe one day i'll give it a try.
 
TryingHarder

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Michael89 said:
Basically i'm someone who uses sexual pleasure as a way to cope with life.
Click to expand...
That's what a porn addiction means to many of us. I know it did (does) for me. Sexual pleasure should be natural, fun, and ideally shared with someone that you like. When it becomes a way to cope with life or numb some kind of emotional pain, then it's a problem. At the moment, I'm dealing with tough times and often have the urge to MO and/or sexual thoughts. I know that is really my addiction talking. I've had the weird and unpleasant experience of MO and just as I'm about to orgasm realize "oh wait, this isn't about sexual pleasure, it's about a bad day at work and this is the only way I know how to cope". That makes the experience unpleasant and disturbing instead of satisfying and fun.
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
Basically i'm someone who uses sexual pleasure as a way to cope with life
Click to expand...

thats what we do as addicts, really. Often times a sure fire sign of addiction (whether it be behavioral like ours or substance usage) is when the activity is done in order to "escape" from reality.

I know thats definitely been the case for me. My addiction basically started as a way to cope with the loss of a long term intimate 4 year relationship. P was the only thing i felt i could do in order to run away from the pain and betrayal i felt. I had many many times where i would watch P and not even M, i would just watch as a means of running away form reality.

There are people that do this with real life sex as well, as a means of escape.
 
Michael89

Michael89

Member
Daybyday1988 said:
thats what we do as addicts, really. Often times a sure fire sign of addiction (whether it be behavioral like ours or substance usage) is when the activity is done in order to "escape" from reality.

I know thats definitely been the case for me. My addiction basically started as a way to cope with the loss of a long term intimate 4 year relationship. P was the only thing i felt i could do in order to run away from the pain and betrayal i felt. I had many many times where i would watch P and not even M, i would just watch as a means of running away form reality.

There are people that do this with real life sex as well, as a means of escape.
Click to expand...

Indeed bro, that's basically my thing. I use sex workers as a way to escape my loneliness, depression and unhappiness.
 
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Michael89

Michael89

Member
Daybyday1988 said:
I got a wife from a different country so I feel ya. What is it specifically about the women here you dont like?
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How superficial they are and their inability to take accountability for their dating choices. And as a black man the women in my community love the thug culture so I’m never going be accepted here and I’ve come to accept I need to go elsewhere
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
I married a woman from Brazil. Took me 2 years to get her here. Definitely big African population there. Not exactly a great culture there either though so just be careful no matter where you look.
 
Michael89

Michael89

Member
Daybyday1988 said:
I married a woman from Brazil. Took me 2 years to get her here. Definitely big African population there. Not exactly a great culture there either though so just be careful no matter where you look.
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Wow, that’s amazing bro. You’ve literally achieved what I’m trying to do. But yeah I’ll definitely when I finally go there keep everything in perspective and not have on rose colored lenses.
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
not just keeping the rose colored glasses off, there are many differences between cultures in other countries and ours. One example, is how in south america, specifically brazil, people do not work and put in effort like they do here. My wife thinks im a slave because i dont get a ton of time off and have to work 40 hours per week. Pretty standard work arrangement for our country, but thats just one example. There's many other things too
 
Michael89

Michael89

Member
Daybyday1988 said:
not just keeping the rose colored glasses off, there are many differences between cultures in other countries and ours. One example, is how in south america, specifically brazil, people do not work and put in effort like they do here. My wife thinks im a slave because i dont get a ton of time off and have to work 40 hours per week. Pretty standard work arrangement for our country, but thats just one example. There's many other things too
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I hear you and understand. I imagine their culture(living in brazil) has a higher life expectancy though.
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
I imagine their culture(living in brazil) has a higher life expectancy though.
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not really sure about that. at least the state where my wifes family is from, (sao paulo) there is crime and pollution everywhere, my mother in law is actually dying right now of lung complications despite the fact that she never smoked. Just breathing the air there according to one article we read, is like smoking 5 cigarettes per day.

a man even tried to rob my wife at knifepoint the other day while she was outside of the hospital and she is 5 months pregnant. good thing a hospital security guard came out and broke it up. she is down there visiting her mom so i cant be there which is very frustrating.

grass isnt greener over there dude. The only thing i would say about someone from a place that may be less fortunate is that they may appreciate the United States if they were to ever come here for you. Other than that it is really difficult and wouldn't really recommend it just because the distance between her and her family is really difficult on her and consequently, me.
 
Michael89

Michael89

Member
Daybyday1988 said:
not really sure about that. at least the state where my wifes family is from, (sao paulo) there is crime and pollution everywhere, my mother in law is actually dying right now of lung complications despite the fact that she never smoked. Just breathing the air there according to one article we read, is like smoking 5 cigarettes per day.

a man even tried to rob my wife at knifepoint the other day while she was outside of the hospital and she is 5 months pregnant. good thing a hospital security guard came out and broke it up. she is down there visiting her mom so i cant be there which is very frustrating.

grass isnt greener over there dude. The only thing i would say about someone from a place that may be less fortunate is that they may appreciate the United States if they were to ever come here for you. Other than that it is really difficult and wouldn't really recommend it just because the distance between her and her family is really difficult on her and consequently, me.
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I have to definitely defer to you when it comes to speaking about life in Brazil because i've never been, however i'd say that for a black man it can't be no worse than what we have to experience in this country. Last time i checked i've never heard of a Brazil cop putting they knee on a man's neck until he died from suffocation. I respect what you're saying though, i guess i just feel like the quality of life specifically for a MAN would probably be better overseas and the chances of finding a quality woman higher, as opposed to in the USA, where you gotta be 6' ft, making 9 figures, have lots of swag and have a penis that's 8+ inches just to get the attention from an average woman.
 
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