And I was going great for over 40 days and did it again! It was actually starting to go up half way by itself and I MO'd.Im loosing this battle man.I feel like Im getting dragged in so many directions with advice..."you shouldnt MO because it hurts your recovery",You should MO or could have permanent Prostate and Erectile issues, yet my poor wife is sleeping alone in bed all the time.I can't get any solid advice on here unless its "great job on 40 days" and the next article I read is" Im afraid Im gonna get prostate cancer" with everyone jumping in and saying " oh, you could" or the non degree urologist giving some bullshit statistic " why or why not".Im sorry if I sound cynical, and I should realize this is the internet, but at 53 I feel like Im running out of time.I don't have the verility like these young 25 yr.olds who have success stories after a 25 day reboot(which by the way doesn't make me feel so great either) as Ive spent so many years in this cycle.I have no support system as nobody understands what Im going through.All my friends see how withdrawn I've become, because the happy person I once was, was because I was secretly miserable with Porn and masking it pretending I am happy when I am secretly disgraced. I have a beautiful wife that deserves so much better!!! And the cheap route is taking some erectle dysfunction drug which will eventually never work because it will get overiddden by a desire to watch porn instead of real intimacy.I am in a bad world and I can't be one of these people who MOs and the proclaims to the world " I got this, this time". I wish I had a solid game plan advice from "seasoned or recovered" porn addicts as I don't know anything about coping mechanisms, journaling, and really avoiding triggers.I am amatuer and it really is hurting my mental state and destroying me as a man.If anyone with solid, heart and mind advice put their best foot forward and help me out here, I will stick with this till the end...Thank you.
loosing this battle!
- Thread starter Crackers1
- Start date
Beautiful1973
Active Member
Hi @Crackers1 we had a bit of a chat the other week on one of your other posts, and I just wanted to reach out again as you seem so distressed. Obviously I can't offer any advice on Porn Addiction or recovery, nor do I pretend to be a Urologist or have the equipment that would require such a professional
but I might be able to offer some reassurance about what could help your connection with your Wife, if that would be helpful?
but I might be able to offer some reassurance about what could help your connection with your Wife, if that would be helpful?HI @Crackers1
I would assume you already have because it's what lands most people here, but have you read any of the stuff at https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ ? TONS of information.
I would assume you already have because it's what lands most people here, but have you read any of the stuff at https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ ? TONS of information.
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @Crackers1, I have some serious disagreements with you brother. First, if you only MO'd, you haven't relapsed, you just MO'd. Porn is the problem NOT masturbation. The philosophy of this forum is based on Your Brain on Porn, and obviously, @Gabe Deem's outlook, which is basically the same. I can't tell if you've read the book or not, but you should read it like it's the bible. I think many of your questions would be answered if you did. Read it five times and see how you feel, it could really change your perspective on this.
Secondly, I know there's different opinions on this forum, but we all agree on one thing, do NOT look at porn, that's it. The reboot is only about cutting out ALL artificial sexual stimulation, not necessarily never MOing again. That's why it's so important to read the book, because it will help you filter out some of the ideas on here that don't match with it. It's true, some of us think it's best to refrain from MOing during our reboot, but ONLY because it seems to speed up the process of recovery, but I've never read once here that MOing is a relapse, unless it was done with porn, which then it obviously will set you back. However, a "relapse" won't set you back to day one, which is one of the worst mistakes you can think. If you do slip but get back on track, you're good. If you start binging, that would set you back, how far is hard to judge.
I think you want immediate answers to these questions of how long it's going to take, but that's why you need to watch Gabe Deem's videos and read the book. His recovery was almost a year, others, it happened within months, but the fact remains, it WILL happen! Yes, it's true, there's a small few that took longer than that, but that's an extremely small percentage, and something I wouldn't worry about, especially if you were alreadly noticing some improvements down there.
Some of the best help we can do for ourselves is to help ourselves. Read that book like your life depends on it. Watch all his videos and then see how you feel about all of this.
You got this, I know it sucks to be having problems down there, I've been there, but you have to know it will get better. Trust the process.
And yes, no one here is an urologist, and if you think you should go see one, that's certainly won't hurt. Unfortunately, a lot of science has not caught up to this movement (either for political reasons or money etc.), thus, many of them don't even see a problem with porn. It's crazy but it's true. And yes, that's frustrating!
Best to you.
Read @Phineas 808, he has some great wisdom, Read William here, they all have great advice.
You got this!
Secondly, I know there's different opinions on this forum, but we all agree on one thing, do NOT look at porn, that's it. The reboot is only about cutting out ALL artificial sexual stimulation, not necessarily never MOing again. That's why it's so important to read the book, because it will help you filter out some of the ideas on here that don't match with it. It's true, some of us think it's best to refrain from MOing during our reboot, but ONLY because it seems to speed up the process of recovery, but I've never read once here that MOing is a relapse, unless it was done with porn, which then it obviously will set you back. However, a "relapse" won't set you back to day one, which is one of the worst mistakes you can think. If you do slip but get back on track, you're good. If you start binging, that would set you back, how far is hard to judge.
I think you want immediate answers to these questions of how long it's going to take, but that's why you need to watch Gabe Deem's videos and read the book. His recovery was almost a year, others, it happened within months, but the fact remains, it WILL happen! Yes, it's true, there's a small few that took longer than that, but that's an extremely small percentage, and something I wouldn't worry about, especially if you were alreadly noticing some improvements down there.
Some of the best help we can do for ourselves is to help ourselves. Read that book like your life depends on it. Watch all his videos and then see how you feel about all of this.
You got this, I know it sucks to be having problems down there, I've been there, but you have to know it will get better. Trust the process.
And yes, no one here is an urologist, and if you think you should go see one, that's certainly won't hurt. Unfortunately, a lot of science has not caught up to this movement (either for political reasons or money etc.), thus, many of them don't even see a problem with porn. It's crazy but it's true. And yes, that's frustrating!
Best to you.
Read @Phineas 808, he has some great wisdom, Read William here, they all have great advice.
You got this!
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Hey Blondie. Much thanks. I'm just really worried and stressed over all this.I never in a million years thought I'd look at the porn that I did. Thank God it was nothing illegal like some of dudes in these SAA meetings have mentioned. I left that crap because moderators where in chat rooms after the sessions talking about their conquests, while some dudes where talking about going away to jail. I feel bad I was perusing lesbian,psuedo gay and gay porn. I think you are right. Having porn in my life as a 12 year old, with daily watches to fast forwarding this past 12 to 15 years of high speed has really f' d me up. I even questioned my sexuality on a daily basis. I always knew I was naturally attrached to women, but there is always that....Question.I hope you are right, but I feel like I am going to be that one sad story that never gets better.It breaks my heart what I've done to my wife and children.How many hours I have lost when I could have been spending those hours with them.But now I make it a point to spend more time with them. I can't curse out the heathens of the industry who put this filth and crap out there.If there is a seat, there is always going to be an ass to fill it. One thing I will say that I beg to differ with you is the " just MO" is ok.For me it is not, because when traditional porn scenarios arent kinky enough, I turn to mental imagery, which is very much like ogling or perusing...lets say...a Youtube or some sort of scantly clad website.It sets triggers.
Blondie
Respected Member
I can respect the difference of opinion here @Crackers1. If Moing to you is really that bad, than by all means, do what you must to quit that as well. We all have are own journeys in our reboots, what only matters is our end goal, freedom!
However, try as hard as you can to succeed and quite this nonsense, but better than that, when you happen to "fail", try equally to love yourself, because that's the only way you'll ever get over this nonsense.
It's a hard battle, but it can be done, and we'll all be thankful we get to the other side.
Also, read that book if you haven't, it's mind-blowing.
Best
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Well, at 6 months clean, I'm not a "seasoned or recovered" porn addict yet, but here are my thoughts.
Coming to grips with a porn addiction and taking the next steps is confusing. This forum - and the helpful advice people have to offer - will help you. If you haven't already, get a copy of Your Brain On Porn and read it from cover to cover. It will help you understand the nature of porn addiction and why it's so important to conquer the addiction.
There's very little evidence that no MO for 30 - 90 days (during a reboot) is going to cause any harm.
My advice (I'm also a 53 year old who feels he's running out of time): worry less about prostate cancer and urology problems if you don't MO for an extended period. Don't worry about not being able to get an erection every 5 minutes. Worry more about what porn has done to your mind, keep away from it, and take the time you need to heal.
eromenos
Member
@Crackers1 im really sorry to hear you’re having such a bad time of it man, and I just wanted to clarify stuff I wrote earlier in another thread.
As I think I might be the person you’re referring to as a “non degree urologist” as I quoted some stats to you I think this might’ve come across wrong.
I never claimed to have medical training. As I said im a Personal Trainer. the stats were garnered from the official department of health website and they aren’t privileged knowledge in any way.
You said you were really worried about giving yourself prostate cancer and my point to you is that you clearly have many other pressing worries and the risks of PC you are talking here are so infinitesimally small that perhaps those worries are something you could let go of, I was trying to help you reframe and recontextualise: focus on the issues at present and let the rest go to give yourself more energy to fight today’s battles. if that wasn't useful then I apologise.
fundamenrally as someone else has said. We dont have all the answers, just our personal stories and experience and a wish to help.
cheers
As I think I might be the person you’re referring to as a “non degree urologist” as I quoted some stats to you I think this might’ve come across wrong.
I never claimed to have medical training. As I said im a Personal Trainer. the stats were garnered from the official department of health website and they aren’t privileged knowledge in any way.
You said you were really worried about giving yourself prostate cancer and my point to you is that you clearly have many other pressing worries and the risks of PC you are talking here are so infinitesimally small that perhaps those worries are something you could let go of, I was trying to help you reframe and recontextualise: focus on the issues at present and let the rest go to give yourself more energy to fight today’s battles. if that wasn't useful then I apologise.
fundamenrally as someone else has said. We dont have all the answers, just our personal stories and experience and a wish to help.
cheers