And I was going great for over 40 days and did it again! It was actually starting to go up half way by itself and I MO'd.Im loosing this battle man.I feel like Im getting dragged in so many directions with advice..."you shouldnt MO because it hurts your recovery",You should MO or could have permanent Prostate and Erectile issues, yet my poor wife is sleeping alone in bed all the time.I can't get any solid advice on here unless its "great job on 40 days" and the next article I read is" Im afraid Im gonna get prostate cancer" with everyone jumping in and saying " oh, you could" or the non degree urologist giving some bullshit statistic " why or why not".Im sorry if I sound cynical, and I should realize this is the internet, but at 53 I feel like Im running out of time.I don't have the verility like these young 25 yr.olds who have success stories after a 25 day reboot(which by the way doesn't make me feel so great either) as Ive spent so many years in this cycle.I have no support system as nobody understands what Im going through.All my friends see how withdrawn I've become, because the happy person I once was, was because I was secretly miserable with Porn and masking it pretending I am happy when I am secretly disgraced. I have a beautiful wife that deserves so much better!!! And the cheap route is taking some erectle dysfunction drug which will eventually never work because it will get overiddden by a desire to watch porn instead of real intimacy.I am in a bad world and I can't be one of these people who MOs and the proclaims to the world " I got this, this time". I wish I had a solid game plan advice from "seasoned or recovered" porn addicts as I don't know anything about coping mechanisms, journaling, and really avoiding triggers.I am amatuer and it really is hurting my mental state and destroying me as a man.If anyone with solid, heart and mind advice put their best foot forward and help me out here, I will stick with this till the end...Thank you.