savingmysoul
Active Member
Hang in there -
You can do this!
You can do this!
N
nobother
Guest
By the way - today is Day 8
I changed my counter from 7 days to 30 days. I have never gone 30 days without "it" and I am looking forward to the challenge.
I changed my counter from 7 days to 30 days. I have never gone 30 days without "it" and I am looking forward to the challenge.
N
nobother
Guest
WARNING! GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS BELOW
Today is Day 9
I feel like shit. The thoughts and feelings to relapse are stronger than ever. All I can think about is how much I want to see my friend named porn. He and I were very close. We played every day. He never judged me and he made me feel tingly all over. He and I would have some of the most intense orgasms ever. We were always together - in secret. He didn't want me to introduce him to my family. It was just him and me - together for always.
Then I somehow stumbled upon this web site. Damn this website. It made me take a long hard look at myself and what I had become. It made me feel different about my friend. It made me leave my friend. He is still out there. He calls me every day - wanting to come out and play. He was urging me last night to forget about rebooting and come back and enjoy his company. But here I am trying to not pay attention to him. But he doesn't give up. He is very persistent. Damn him.
I figure if I talk about it that I might take some of it's power away. I have not reoffended. I am clean and intend to stay clean. My willy just hangs there and seems to say to me "give it your best shot fucker I'm not going to help you." I got myself into this and by damn I am going to get myself out of it. PIED schmied. Eventually me and willy will work together again.
Guys, this is the worst feeling of all. I absolutely sympathize with any of you who have given in and un-booted as it were. But I will stay focused on what really matters: my family - my dear wife - and the man she thinks she married. I will overcome this. I will prevail. Eventually I will not have so many cravings and urges.
My subject line is, and always will be: Today is Day One. I can only do this one day at a time. I have gone one week and am looking forward to one month. Once achieved, I will change my counter to two months, then three and so on.
Thank you all for words of encouragement. Thank you for sharing your deepest darkest secrets. Thank you for allowing me to peek into your life. We can do this thing. We will do it together.
Happy days, guys. God bless you all.
Today is Day 9
I feel like shit. The thoughts and feelings to relapse are stronger than ever. All I can think about is how much I want to see my friend named porn. He and I were very close. We played every day. He never judged me and he made me feel tingly all over. He and I would have some of the most intense orgasms ever. We were always together - in secret. He didn't want me to introduce him to my family. It was just him and me - together for always.
Then I somehow stumbled upon this web site. Damn this website. It made me take a long hard look at myself and what I had become. It made me feel different about my friend. It made me leave my friend. He is still out there. He calls me every day - wanting to come out and play. He was urging me last night to forget about rebooting and come back and enjoy his company. But here I am trying to not pay attention to him. But he doesn't give up. He is very persistent. Damn him.
I figure if I talk about it that I might take some of it's power away. I have not reoffended. I am clean and intend to stay clean. My willy just hangs there and seems to say to me "give it your best shot fucker I'm not going to help you." I got myself into this and by damn I am going to get myself out of it. PIED schmied. Eventually me and willy will work together again.
Guys, this is the worst feeling of all. I absolutely sympathize with any of you who have given in and un-booted as it were. But I will stay focused on what really matters: my family - my dear wife - and the man she thinks she married. I will overcome this. I will prevail. Eventually I will not have so many cravings and urges.
My subject line is, and always will be: Today is Day One. I can only do this one day at a time. I have gone one week and am looking forward to one month. Once achieved, I will change my counter to two months, then three and so on.
Thank you all for words of encouragement. Thank you for sharing your deepest darkest secrets. Thank you for allowing me to peek into your life. We can do this thing. We will do it together.
Happy days, guys. God bless you all.
savingmysoul
Active Member
It will get better - that you can trust in.
Opportunity may only knock once - but temptation is always leaning on the doorbell.
Keep looking for those positive and healthy behaviors and emotions to start replacing those that are destructive.
I am with you, we are all with you -
you have the strength you need inside you - you can find it!
SMS
Opportunity may only knock once - but temptation is always leaning on the doorbell.
Keep looking for those positive and healthy behaviors and emotions to start replacing those that are destructive.
I am with you, we are all with you -
you have the strength you need inside you - you can find it!
SMS
N
nobother
Guest
Today is Day 10
Okay, I seem to be whining. I will stop that. I have noticed, however, that I am a little more bitchy than normal. My mood is somewhat down - obsessing over willy still being on strike. I don't ask for much right now. I know the reboot process takes time. I also know my PMO history is l-o-n-g - about 12 years. That's a lot of crap to eliminate from my brain. It sure would be nice if I could just wake up with a little wood. You know, maybe willy could let me know he is still down there and still wants to be friends.......someday.
I am envious of all of you who have a partner to help you in this process. I know that it greatly enables a person to succeed if he has someone to help him. Unfortunately I cannot let anyone into my dark side. Circumstances being what they are in my life that confession would be so detrimental to me and everyone around me. For now I must bear the burden myself. I do, however, have all of you to support me and give me words of encouragement.
I am thankful for a web site such as this. It helped me to confront my dark passenger and put him where he belongs: in the garbage. I am feeling low but I am encouraged that I am doing something I have never done before - that is - going without PMO.
Any of you out there who might be reading this take note: it can be done. You can do this. We can do this. We all seem to have much in common. We all seem to be going through the same crap during our reboot. We need to stay strong and keep busy with good things. No cheating. No peeking. No edging. No O-ing (I really miss that one).
Take care all. Brighter days are ahead.
Okay, I seem to be whining. I will stop that. I have noticed, however, that I am a little more bitchy than normal. My mood is somewhat down - obsessing over willy still being on strike. I don't ask for much right now. I know the reboot process takes time. I also know my PMO history is l-o-n-g - about 12 years. That's a lot of crap to eliminate from my brain. It sure would be nice if I could just wake up with a little wood. You know, maybe willy could let me know he is still down there and still wants to be friends.......someday.
I am envious of all of you who have a partner to help you in this process. I know that it greatly enables a person to succeed if he has someone to help him. Unfortunately I cannot let anyone into my dark side. Circumstances being what they are in my life that confession would be so detrimental to me and everyone around me. For now I must bear the burden myself. I do, however, have all of you to support me and give me words of encouragement.
I am thankful for a web site such as this. It helped me to confront my dark passenger and put him where he belongs: in the garbage. I am feeling low but I am encouraged that I am doing something I have never done before - that is - going without PMO.
Any of you out there who might be reading this take note: it can be done. You can do this. We can do this. We all seem to have much in common. We all seem to be going through the same crap during our reboot. We need to stay strong and keep busy with good things. No cheating. No peeking. No edging. No O-ing (I really miss that one).
Take care all. Brighter days are ahead.
savingmysoul
Active Member
indeed!
N
nobother
Guest
Today is Day 11
Okay, I am surviving. Still having some weird dreams, though. But so far so good. I derive strength from the stories of others in my same predicament.
The weird thing is that I knew I had a harmful addiction to porn. I kept telling myself "Self, this is a problem!!" But did I listen to myself? Nope. Just kept PMOing every day. I would get to my office and work - a little - then PMO - then work a little more - then PMO - and so on. It completely took over. Then about a year ago PIED happened. I knew what was causing willy to just hang there with no movement. I told my wife I was stressed and overweight (which I am, by the way). She is so sweet and supportive. I bought a penis pump to try and get willy to respond. Nope. Nada. The big zippo. Willy just hung there and seemed to say "Is that the best you can do??" Damn you willy. Just wait. We will get back together.
So I am on day 11. This is the longest yet. I am relieved to be free from the hell of PMO. I am still a little bitchy but that is subsiding. I can sit in front of my computer - alone - and not really feel tempted to surf. I have to tell you all - I feel GOOD. Better than I have felt - mentally - in years.
Any of you reading this and wondering if you can do this - the answer is "YES" you can. If I can do it - YOU can do it. It takes a lot of energy and time to filter the muck out of your brain. My brain is still wondering where the hell I have been. It sends me reminders (urges) once in a while but so far I have been able to push them back and keep my eye on the goal.
Happy days all.
Okay, I am surviving. Still having some weird dreams, though. But so far so good. I derive strength from the stories of others in my same predicament.
The weird thing is that I knew I had a harmful addiction to porn. I kept telling myself "Self, this is a problem!!" But did I listen to myself? Nope. Just kept PMOing every day. I would get to my office and work - a little - then PMO - then work a little more - then PMO - and so on. It completely took over. Then about a year ago PIED happened. I knew what was causing willy to just hang there with no movement. I told my wife I was stressed and overweight (which I am, by the way). She is so sweet and supportive. I bought a penis pump to try and get willy to respond. Nope. Nada. The big zippo. Willy just hung there and seemed to say "Is that the best you can do??" Damn you willy. Just wait. We will get back together.
So I am on day 11. This is the longest yet. I am relieved to be free from the hell of PMO. I am still a little bitchy but that is subsiding. I can sit in front of my computer - alone - and not really feel tempted to surf. I have to tell you all - I feel GOOD. Better than I have felt - mentally - in years.
Any of you reading this and wondering if you can do this - the answer is "YES" you can. If I can do it - YOU can do it. It takes a lot of energy and time to filter the muck out of your brain. My brain is still wondering where the hell I have been. It sends me reminders (urges) once in a while but so far I have been able to push them back and keep my eye on the goal.
Happy days all.
Accountable
Member
Thanks for sharing and stay strong! It's nice to hear stories that I can relate to. We can beat this!
N
nobother
Guest
Today is Day 13 -
So far so good. I am still having weird dreams (sexual by nature) but no wood when I get up. My attitude is rather mild right now. I am so looking forward to my one month goal. I think I will then create a 2 month goal. If I attain that my next goal will be six months then a year. Having worked with persons with a drug addiction I have learned that for some it takes several attempts before it works for them. I am on my third or fourth attempt right now. Hopefully the statistics will be in my favor.
I was saddened to read the post about nifty and his leaving the forum. He seemed to be offended by religious references. My take on that is this: we all are in the same boat but we will recover differently. Some of you will have faith in God and use prayer for help. Some of you might not believe in God and will use meditation for relief. Some of you might use a cool lake and a good day fishing for relief. Whatever it takes to help you in the reboot - THAT is what you should do.
I don't see any problems with anyone expressing their belief in God and encouraging someone else to try it. If Joe is offended by the comments John has said about religion then he should say so to John and hopefully John will not post any religious references again in Joe's post.
This forum is all about honesty and openness. We might not like everything people post to us but they are probably doing it with good intentions. Let it go. Focus on the real problem: PMO.
I am thankful to all of you for words of encouragement and words of pain. We can all gain from the "not successful" stories that we read on this forum.
Happy days are ahead.
So far so good. I am still having weird dreams (sexual by nature) but no wood when I get up. My attitude is rather mild right now. I am so looking forward to my one month goal. I think I will then create a 2 month goal. If I attain that my next goal will be six months then a year. Having worked with persons with a drug addiction I have learned that for some it takes several attempts before it works for them. I am on my third or fourth attempt right now. Hopefully the statistics will be in my favor.
I was saddened to read the post about nifty and his leaving the forum. He seemed to be offended by religious references. My take on that is this: we all are in the same boat but we will recover differently. Some of you will have faith in God and use prayer for help. Some of you might not believe in God and will use meditation for relief. Some of you might use a cool lake and a good day fishing for relief. Whatever it takes to help you in the reboot - THAT is what you should do.
I don't see any problems with anyone expressing their belief in God and encouraging someone else to try it. If Joe is offended by the comments John has said about religion then he should say so to John and hopefully John will not post any religious references again in Joe's post.
This forum is all about honesty and openness. We might not like everything people post to us but they are probably doing it with good intentions. Let it go. Focus on the real problem: PMO.
I am thankful to all of you for words of encouragement and words of pain. We can all gain from the "not successful" stories that we read on this forum.
Happy days are ahead.
N
nobother
Guest
Today is Day 14 -
Holy crap I had a wildly inappropriate sexual dream last night. It seems my brain still hasn't gotten the memo that I have broken off our porn sessions. It still seems to want me to come out and play. But, no more PMO for this guy. Brain be damned. But on the positive side I woke up with a pretty good wood - maybe 80%. There is still hope, eh??
This is the time of year when Americans traditionally give thanks for what they have. We engorge ourselves with turkey and stuffing and let the tryptophan do it's job and make us lethargic. We watch sports and spend time with friends and family.
One family member, however will not be at my house this year: porn. We had a bad break up a few weeks ago and porn was asked to not come over any more. Porn wasn't happy with my decision. Porn made a stink and kind of threatened me with retaliation. Porn told me I couldn't live without it. Porn said we were too close to call it off. I have news for porn - all I heard from it's threats were "blah blah blah"
I CAN live without porn. My life no longer revolves around where and when I could do porn. No more secrets. No more dishonesty. No more subterfuge. My life is now an open book. I don't have to hide my activities. I don't have to worry about getting caught. My eyes are becoming clearer as I focus on my goals in life.
Winston Churchill is widely quoted as saying "never never never give up." I'm not sure why or when he said that (if he actually said that) but it is true for me and anyone who is reading this. We must never give up. We must fight like hell to stay away from porn. Porn will tempt us. Porn will entice us. Porn will try to trick us into inviting it into our lives.
Someone once said "you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig." Not sure what that means but you can dress porn up to look like anything you want but it is still porn. It is still damaging to us. It is still the thing that can keep us trapped. It is a killer.
I am thankful for the founders of this site. I am thankful for all of you who share so many secrets and allow us to see your pain, your sorrows, and your accomplishments. Keep up the good work. Never give in and never let porn take control again. Porn is not an option. Porn destroys us from within and sometimes from without.
Now carry on. Do good things. Think good thoughts and keep the faith.
Holy crap I had a wildly inappropriate sexual dream last night. It seems my brain still hasn't gotten the memo that I have broken off our porn sessions. It still seems to want me to come out and play. But, no more PMO for this guy. Brain be damned. But on the positive side I woke up with a pretty good wood - maybe 80%. There is still hope, eh??
This is the time of year when Americans traditionally give thanks for what they have. We engorge ourselves with turkey and stuffing and let the tryptophan do it's job and make us lethargic. We watch sports and spend time with friends and family.
One family member, however will not be at my house this year: porn. We had a bad break up a few weeks ago and porn was asked to not come over any more. Porn wasn't happy with my decision. Porn made a stink and kind of threatened me with retaliation. Porn told me I couldn't live without it. Porn said we were too close to call it off. I have news for porn - all I heard from it's threats were "blah blah blah"
I CAN live without porn. My life no longer revolves around where and when I could do porn. No more secrets. No more dishonesty. No more subterfuge. My life is now an open book. I don't have to hide my activities. I don't have to worry about getting caught. My eyes are becoming clearer as I focus on my goals in life.
Winston Churchill is widely quoted as saying "never never never give up." I'm not sure why or when he said that (if he actually said that) but it is true for me and anyone who is reading this. We must never give up. We must fight like hell to stay away from porn. Porn will tempt us. Porn will entice us. Porn will try to trick us into inviting it into our lives.
Someone once said "you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig." Not sure what that means but you can dress porn up to look like anything you want but it is still porn. It is still damaging to us. It is still the thing that can keep us trapped. It is a killer.
I am thankful for the founders of this site. I am thankful for all of you who share so many secrets and allow us to see your pain, your sorrows, and your accomplishments. Keep up the good work. Never give in and never let porn take control again. Porn is not an option. Porn destroys us from within and sometimes from without.
Now carry on. Do good things. Think good thoughts and keep the faith.
N
nobother
Guest
Today is Day 15 -
Weird dreams again but the depression seems to be a little lighter today. I find when I am depressed I can go to the "happiest place on Earth" for relief. No, not the Disney place. I am talking about Home Depot. I go there and stroll through the power tools and feel manly. The smells in that store are intoxicating: nails, woods, glue, cement, electrical stuff.....you know - the good stuff of life.
I don't feel as bitchy today as I was last week. I am actually feeling encouraged and optimistic. I am looking forward to my first - ever - month of no porn. I have never gone that long without it since I started looking at it.
Good luck to everyone here.
Weird dreams again but the depression seems to be a little lighter today. I find when I am depressed I can go to the "happiest place on Earth" for relief. No, not the Disney place. I am talking about Home Depot. I go there and stroll through the power tools and feel manly. The smells in that store are intoxicating: nails, woods, glue, cement, electrical stuff.....you know - the good stuff of life.
I don't feel as bitchy today as I was last week. I am actually feeling encouraged and optimistic. I am looking forward to my first - ever - month of no porn. I have never gone that long without it since I started looking at it.
Good luck to everyone here.
N
nobother
Guest
Today is Day 19 -
Not much to report. Been sick. Weird dreams continue. Limp dick persists. Mood is low but steady. Each day is a new record for me as I have not gone this long without PMO since I started about 15 years ago. I am excited for my future.
Happy days to all out there. We are in the same boat - have the same goals - have the same ups and downs. It can be done and we can do it.
Not much to report. Been sick. Weird dreams continue. Limp dick persists. Mood is low but steady. Each day is a new record for me as I have not gone this long without PMO since I started about 15 years ago. I am excited for my future.
Happy days to all out there. We are in the same boat - have the same goals - have the same ups and downs. It can be done and we can do it.
lyon03
Respected Member
Congratulations! We're all behind you. If I can offer a suggestion, stop focusing on your d*ck. Who cares if you're 80%, 20%, 0% wood in the morning. This isn't something you discuss with your kids and grandkids and they're not going to talk about your penis at your funeral. Why? Because it doesn't matter. Take your c*ck obsession and get obsessed about exercise, spending quality time with family, reading, painting, music, anything that engages your mind in a creative and non-sexual way. Be a better/stronger man, and your penis will follow. Stay strong!
HoosierState
Member
Lol so true! But when I think of temptation - for me, it's more like it's breaking in via a basement or side window ;-)
N
nobother
Guest
Thank you lyon and hoosier -
You are correct, lyon, in that I am obsessed about my limp biscuit. I did not expect the reaction from it that it is giving me. However, that being said, I totally agree that I should focus on more positive things right now and not the negatives.
As a matter of fact I am leaving for holiday with my family today. We will be in a great part of the country having a wonderful time - time being spent NOT thinking about the negative things right now but enjoying this great country. I am so looking forward to the next 6 days. It will be good for me to be enjoying life rather than focusing on what I have done to myself because of PMO.
My natural tendency is towards a negative focus on me. I have had a life time of insecurity and low self esteem. Everything that is happening to me sometimes reinforces my negative outlook on myself.
But - we press on. Moving forward. Not looking back. I appreciate all of you and your words of wisdom. This has been a great help and comfort to me.
You are correct, lyon, in that I am obsessed about my limp biscuit. I did not expect the reaction from it that it is giving me. However, that being said, I totally agree that I should focus on more positive things right now and not the negatives.
As a matter of fact I am leaving for holiday with my family today. We will be in a great part of the country having a wonderful time - time being spent NOT thinking about the negative things right now but enjoying this great country. I am so looking forward to the next 6 days. It will be good for me to be enjoying life rather than focusing on what I have done to myself because of PMO.
My natural tendency is towards a negative focus on me. I have had a life time of insecurity and low self esteem. Everything that is happening to me sometimes reinforces my negative outlook on myself.
But - we press on. Moving forward. Not looking back. I appreciate all of you and your words of wisdom. This has been a great help and comfort to me.