All in - My journey

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Banouj7

Member
Day 1

Hello everyone struggling with porn addiction. I am 27 years old and I have been living with my wife for 3 years now.

It's my first post here but it's not the first time I've tried to quit. The longest I've stayed away from porn is about 3 months. In recent months, I have relapsed about once a week in connection with being at home alone.

I have previously told my wife a little but today I told everything. Thank god she handled it well. We tried to make a plan for how she would support me in the process.

What we agreed on was:
1. I write in a forum about my process
2. Using porn blockers
3. Read the book on porn by Gary Wilson.
4. She often calls me when I'm alone at home to ask how I'm doing.
5. No blinds must be drawn.
6. I will come up with more activities.
7. Log out from social media.
8. Lower your gaze
9. Pray to god

In the past I have felt alone in my struggle. I have promised god on several occasions not to look at porn again.

I will here share my journey. I hope you can give me good advice and that we can support each other.

Love to you my friends.
 
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Banouj7

Member
Day 2

First of all, I thank God and then my wife, who has been a great support. Today I was alone at home but I spent the time with friends at a shopping mall. I feel better mentally today than I did yesterday.

I didn't say it in my previous post but I have ocd (pure-ocd) which makes me have scary thoughts sometimes. Because I failed to stop watching porn in the past, it affects my self-belief. This has made me sometimes worry that I will admit my scary thoughts.
 
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Banouj7

Member
Day 3

Thank God for another day. Today I have had urges several times. It was a tougher day than expected. Sometimes I had thoughts about "will I be able to handle this?" I just tried to let the thoughts pass me by without acting. Then I got to thinking about how you feel when you relapse.

There is no easy way out of addiction but to fight every minute.
 
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Banouj7

Member
I thought I'd make a list of reasons why I shouldn't watch porn and what I can do instead.

- Sin
- Goes against me morally
- Gives me feelings of anxiety and guilt afterwards. Also gets brain fog
- I lose my faith in myself every time I relapse.
- I am doing wrong to my wonderful wife.
- I become more afraid that I will stage my ocd thoughts if I can't handle my porn addiction.
- Feels like I have a secret when I watch porn. I feel fake.

What can I do if I get cravings?
- Take a walk
- Exercise
- Play games
- Go to the mosque
- Call a friend
- Go out with the car
- Read a book
 
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Banouj7

Member
Day 4

Thank God I made it through another day. Tomorrow is a difficult day because I will be home alone all day.
 
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Banouj7

Member
Thank you for your words. I already have urges but i will go out for a looooong walk. I really hate to watch p.

I hope you also doing well. Best luck!
 
searching4good

searching4good

Active Member
Great job @Banouj7 - you're almost at a week now! Keep taking things day by day and remember that you're building a better life for yourself by being on this journey. This forum is a wonderful space full of lived wisdom and empathy too - just being here bodes well.
 
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Banouj7

Member
Thanks for the motivation. Sometimes it's hard to look ahead, it often happens that I get stuck in the present....
 
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Banouj7

Member
Day 8

Thank God for another day. I have realized that it is most difficult for me when I am alone.

I plan to work out hard and sweat tomorrow. I need to get into a workout routine
 
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Banouj7

Member
Day 10
I write this while I have a tear in my eye. Today I experienced DE. I don't know if I'm in flatline. I pray to god to heal me.

I promise never to look at porn again. It's like a virus.
 
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