It's time to change

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logicprox

Well-Known Member
Well. That did not last long. But I am not letting the shame stop me this time.

It started with insta, which reminded me I haven’t really gone about putting in guardrails like I have when I have been successful in the past. Deleted instagram so I can only look on my computer (which is the same thing I did before, it’s just so I can read messages basically). Also cleared out some junk in my following list.

Started sleeping with my phone in another room again. I think next step is getting off Netflix.

The other real struggle for me is always being tired which is tough this week because due to a variety of things going on this week I haven’t been able to get to bed on time. But doing my best.

Little bit of a slow start here but I think I just need to get my framework back in place. So here we go again.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
1 day. I am super tired. I have a friend whose mom went into a coma on valentines days a few years ago and has a really hard time every year, like potentially suicidal so I kind of had to stay up with them and make sure they were good. I didn’t get to sleep until after 2 am. That should be the last night this week with something keeping me from sufficient sleep though, so can get back to being tired not being a trigger.

In any event, was definitely tempted to use when I finally laid down but did not. So let’s get this thing back on the road.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
2 days. Caught up on sleep a little but will probably take a couple more good nights to get back to normal. Started reading Dopamine Nation. Nothing too earth shattering so far but definitely can do with the reminders.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
3 days. Congratulations to me for beating my last streak haha.

Ok but for real I do think that was a bit of a blip and I do feel motivated and optimistic. I don’t need this nonsense in my life and I know I am capable of going without it because I have done it before. I just need to set myself up for success.

1. Motivation - in the grand scheme of things science shows that motivation is fleeting and shouldn’t be your primary way to stay away from bad or stick with good habits, but it does play a role. I need to do something each day that reminds me who I want to be. It’s not about avoiding porn to avoid porn. It’s avoiding porn because of its impact on who I am and my ability to achieve my goals. Coming here every day is part of that but not enough if if I am just going to throw down a day count. Some days I may come back and write a second time if I don’t have energy to really think about my progress first thing in the morning. But either way I am going to read or listen to something every day that makes me conscious of my actions and what I am trying to become.

2. Habit - I have had a hard time getting some of my routines back in place since I got back from my month of out of town work hell. Largely because I have had a friend staying with me off and on while they look for somewhere to live nearby. Also just my own failings though. Excuses, since nothing from my routine can’t happen with them there. So this is a huge focus this coming week (also hopefully the last week they are here). Habits are what got me my 200+ days porn free last year. They aren’t enough alone but they are what really changed the game for me.

3. Safeguards - I need to avoid my triggers. I deleted insta like I did for most of my big streak, but I also need to stop watching tv/movies at night. I have mostly just been doing it while I eat since I got back in town, but I want to cut that too. I am going to cancel Netflix entirely and try to get back to either conscious eating (very hard for me) or reading while I eat. Getting very drunk can also be a trigger for me, so I need to limit my alcohol when I go out with friends.

4. Awareness - mindfulness. Need to do it everyday, like I used to do. Very much helps me not feel pulled helplessly by my thoughts but just casually let them go by.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
6 days. One piece of good news despite having not been “clean” consistently since my longest run ended last year: I used to constantly get derailed by waking up and using in a sort of half awake state. I would be doing great and then that would happen. But ever since that run that hasn’t really been a problem.

With that behind me all I have to do is get rid of the daily conscious bad choices. Honestly that isn’t so bad.
 
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