Clearly I had no inspiration for my thread title.
Been a long time reader but just decided to post for the 1st time. There is a couple of reasons I have been hesitating about starting my own journal:
1) I have never journaled before so I am not sure how to proceed.
2) I have never openly talk about my issues to anyone.
3) Some of the advice on this forum is counterproductive for me (explanation below)
Please keep in mind that those comments strictly applies to me. Under no circumstances am I passing any judgements on anyone on this forum. It's how I see and feel about my own struggles.
What I mean for the point #3 above is mostly related on how to handle relapses. I have read so many comments stating "don't be too hard on yourself, it happens, get back to it, learn from this experience, etc...." that for me this is an open door to failure. I do recognize the value of those advice and there is a certain logic from a psychology perspective if you have 1 or 2 relapse along the way - however I have seen journals where every 3-4 days there's a counter reset and for me there is a negative effect of allowing and minimizing those relapses (and I have been there before).
Some would argue that even if you relapse every few days than it's better than doing nothing at all which is not entirely false but for someone like me who has always looked at things (and succeeded most of the time in my life) to have a "do it or don't do it" approach it doesn't work well. I believe that when you allow something negative to happen, then your approach is molded with this in mind and then you become almost addicted to relapsing.
So on this early Sunday morning I have been sitting in front of the computer and wondering what I should do next, I have been reading this forum for at least 3 years, I have read I think pretty much all the material available on this site and YBOP. I even read the easy peazy method. I know all the things I need to do, I know all the pitfalls I need to avoid. Yet a few of times a week I throw everything out the window and just shutdown like a robot that doesn't have a brain anymore and just goes through the habits.
Again I want to make sure I do not offend anyone with my comments - this is my view of relapses that have been preventing me (I believe) to beat this addiction. There are amazing stories/advices/help on this forum.
On a side note, my high level story for now.
51, married, 3 kids (2 have left the nest) and 3rd one is 17. Have a great relationship with my wife including sex life (wife not aware of my addiction).
Started around 12 years old with the usual path for men my age : Sears catalog, Playboy Magazines, softcore movies on cable, VHS cassettes, DVDs and finally internet.
Been a long time reader but just decided to post for the 1st time. There is a couple of reasons I have been hesitating about starting my own journal:
1) I have never journaled before so I am not sure how to proceed.
2) I have never openly talk about my issues to anyone.
3) Some of the advice on this forum is counterproductive for me (explanation below)
Please keep in mind that those comments strictly applies to me. Under no circumstances am I passing any judgements on anyone on this forum. It's how I see and feel about my own struggles.
What I mean for the point #3 above is mostly related on how to handle relapses. I have read so many comments stating "don't be too hard on yourself, it happens, get back to it, learn from this experience, etc...." that for me this is an open door to failure. I do recognize the value of those advice and there is a certain logic from a psychology perspective if you have 1 or 2 relapse along the way - however I have seen journals where every 3-4 days there's a counter reset and for me there is a negative effect of allowing and minimizing those relapses (and I have been there before).
Some would argue that even if you relapse every few days than it's better than doing nothing at all which is not entirely false but for someone like me who has always looked at things (and succeeded most of the time in my life) to have a "do it or don't do it" approach it doesn't work well. I believe that when you allow something negative to happen, then your approach is molded with this in mind and then you become almost addicted to relapsing.
So on this early Sunday morning I have been sitting in front of the computer and wondering what I should do next, I have been reading this forum for at least 3 years, I have read I think pretty much all the material available on this site and YBOP. I even read the easy peazy method. I know all the things I need to do, I know all the pitfalls I need to avoid. Yet a few of times a week I throw everything out the window and just shutdown like a robot that doesn't have a brain anymore and just goes through the habits.
Again I want to make sure I do not offend anyone with my comments - this is my view of relapses that have been preventing me (I believe) to beat this addiction. There are amazing stories/advices/help on this forum.
On a side note, my high level story for now.
51, married, 3 kids (2 have left the nest) and 3rd one is 17. Have a great relationship with my wife including sex life (wife not aware of my addiction).
Started around 12 years old with the usual path for men my age : Sears catalog, Playboy Magazines, softcore movies on cable, VHS cassettes, DVDs and finally internet.