So worried about delayed ejaculation

[Markos]

Hello, after four month of struggling with masturbate addiction (during that time I haven't always been able to hold back, but the trend is progressive) I feel better with my erection during intimacy with my partner. But Istill have problem with delayed ejaculation. I ejaculate every time I masturbate to porn. Masturbating without porn is harder but also finish with ejaculation. In those five months, I ejaculated only four times during sex with my partner.

My partner is beautiful, I love them, but sex with them still feel much less exciting than masturbation so often I feel bland during sex and ejaculation is not achieved.

I see it is strictly connected with the feeling of blandness of real sex in comparison with masturbation to porn or erotic pics.
But I started to worry is it curable, or maybe it is hopeless and incurable to me...
Maybe it takes too long... Is there a hope for me?

Well, it's so easy to get aroused and ejaculate to porn. So the causes are therefore not biological. Also my partner is very attractive.
But... although I REALLY enjoy sex with him, I don't get the level of arousal I get when I masturbate. And the ejaculation is delayed or completely off.

 

[Androg]

Hello, after four month of struggling with masturbate addiction (during that time I haven't always been able to hold back, but the trend is progressive) I feel better with my erection during intimacy with my partner. But Istill have problem with delayed ejaculation. I ejaculate every time I masturbate to porn. Masturbating without porn is harder but also finish with ejaculation. In those five months, I ejaculated only four times during sex with my partner.

My partner is beautiful, I love them, but sex with them still feel much less exciting than masturbation so often I feel bland during sex and ejaculation is not achieved.

I see it is strictly connected with the feeling of blandness of real sex in comparison with masturbation to porn or erotic pics.
But I started to worry is it curable, or maybe it is hopeless and incurable to me...
Maybe it takes too long... Is there a hope for me?

Well, it's so easy to get aroused and ejaculate to porn. So the causes are therefore not biological. Also my partner is very attractive.
But... although I REALLY enjoy sex with him, I don't get the level of arousal I get when I masturbate. And the ejaculation is delayed or completely off.

If you are still masturbating to porn, you are training your brain to need its visual stimulation in connection with your climaxes. If you want to enjoy real sex, you have to unhook that association by not using visual stimulation to become aroused.

You are in charge of your sexual conditioning.

 

[Markos]

If you are still masturbating to porn, you are training your brain to need its visual stimulation in connection with your climaxes. If you want to enjoy real sex, you have to unhook that association by not using visual stimulation to become aroused.

You are in charge of your sexual conditioning.

I guess youre right. My masturbation is much rarer now, but to be honest it still happens from time to time.

Are you suggesting I need to completely put away masturbation and porn to heal?

 

[Androg]

I guess youre right. My masturbation is much rarer now, but to be honest it still happens from time to time.

Are you suggesting I need to completely put away masturbation and porn to heal?

I'm suggesting you experiment with putting away masturbation-to-porn until you weaken that connection between "artificial and arousal."

 

[Markos]

I'm suggesting you experiment with putting away masturbation-to-porn until you weaken that connection between "artificial and arousal."

How long can it take? For my subiecctive impression it takes so long, four months, with just a little sign of progress so I became desperate and then come back to masturbation to check if it is problem with my biology... and the neurotic cicle is closed then, I guess...

 

[Androg]

How long can it take? For my subiecctive impression it takes so long, four months, with just a little sign of progress so I became desperate and then come back to masturbation to check if it is problem with my biology... and the neurotic cicle is closed then, I guess...

Everyone’s recovery time is different. It can take some men nine months to a year or even longer. And but staying away from porn is never a bad idea.

 

[downhillfromhere]

Does it really matter how long it takes, though? I mean, what would you prefer - having fulfilling sex with your partner, or masturbating using porn? Would it be worth if even if you had to stay away from porn and masturbation for two or three years, even? I'm not saying it will take that long, but the way I think about it, it will be worth it no matter how long it takes.

Anyways, I understand your frustration. Coming back to porn to "check" if everything is working - I've done that recently. For me it was just an excuse to use porn again one more time. It doesn't solve anything. Basically - if you already know that you can have a proper erection and ejaculate without problem using porn, then the problem is in your mind and not physical. That's not something that usually changes over the course of weeks or months (of course it could happen, but it's unlikely).

In my opinion, the solution is to stay away from porn at all costs, and retrain yourself to respond to physical touch with a real person. If you are having troubles, take it slow. Close your eyes and breathe, focus on the sensation of touch. Don't focus on reaching orgasm, and just be mindful of how everything feels.