Hi guys!
I was posting previusly on the trheath "A long time due battle that I need to stop ignoring", but I have decided to start a new journal for several reasons.
The first one is that I have just had a relapse. I have been having some relapses latetly and it made me think that I haven't actually quit P, I just changed how often I was relapsing (once every month or every two months, more or less).
I want to start all over again since I feel I'm back at square one. Still, I have learned some things about this addiction along the way, and I have made some progress, but I want to commit all over again to quiting this addiction, to make a fresh start.
I'm also begining university in a different country next week.
I have been spending two weeks at home to rest and recover from the fuzz of this year, and it feels like a new chapter in my life is begining. I want to commit to my life, to beeing healthy and to become what I want to become. That's why I want to commit again to quiting this addiction.
I have also learned that I use P and P subtitutes as a way to cope with emotional pain. It is a thing I have been struggling with since ever, but I have never actually adressed it properly. I'm going to start seeing a new psychologist soon, and maybe it will help me to tackle this issue.
It feels like a new begining in many ways. I come from a very dark place, and this new chapter feels like a second chance at life. I want to be strong and wit enough as to grab this change and not let it pass before my eyes. I don't want to trhow this chance away by continuing beeing addictied to P and P subtitutes. I'm awfully aware that I have trhown away my teenage years to the trashcan, and I don't want to do the same with the few years of youth I still have. I'm terrified at that possibility.
Overall, I want to commit to myself, to grow a healthy life and to have a healthy and happy life. For me, that means betting on my self, on my edducation, on my social and mental recovery, and on leaving this dirty addiction behind.
This also means I commit to rewiring, to find the taste of real life again. to finding people in my life that make me good, to make good to the people I love and to fill my time with activities that fullfill me (education, music, social events, sports, art).
It sounds too idealistic, haha, I only want to be connected with real life, with real people, and with activities I enjoy.
So, I commit to no P, no subtitues and no fantasies. I will be specially carefull with fantasies, and I will be extra carefull in the mornign and when going to sleep, since these are my most vulnerable moments.
For me, P subtitues include: scrolling in social media, compulsive use of food, fantasies, and compulsive use of internet/videogames.
I'm commiting to not using youtube or instagram on my phone.
I know I will have some urges due to chasser effect, so can mentally prepare for that in the following weeks. If I predict I will have a lot of urges and fantasies in the following days it will be not so much of a problem.
I like the idea that I read in the post of @the_mountain_goat , that one should feel happy and joyfull when quitting P, becaus it means that you don't need to go back to it ever again. I also means that you are trhowing away something that severely damages you, and gaining a lot in retun.
I would like to make a solem vow not to ever use P or P subtitues again.
It's been a destructive force in my life since I was a little kid, and it has severly damaged my social life. I'm afraid I'm going to waste more time on this crap.
On the other hand, I can gain a lot by commiting to real life and by letting this addiction behind (connect wiht real people, for example, have more energy in my life and have more joy in beeing social and working in my projects).
I want to leave this destructive force behind and embrace what life has of good for me.
This is why I'm making this vow not to ever use P subtitues again.
I know It is not going to be easy, but I also know it is going to be worth it.
That's all for all, I will be back very soon.
See you!
I was posting previusly on the trheath "A long time due battle that I need to stop ignoring", but I have decided to start a new journal for several reasons.
The first one is that I have just had a relapse. I have been having some relapses latetly and it made me think that I haven't actually quit P, I just changed how often I was relapsing (once every month or every two months, more or less).
I want to start all over again since I feel I'm back at square one. Still, I have learned some things about this addiction along the way, and I have made some progress, but I want to commit all over again to quiting this addiction, to make a fresh start.
I'm also begining university in a different country next week.
I have been spending two weeks at home to rest and recover from the fuzz of this year, and it feels like a new chapter in my life is begining. I want to commit to my life, to beeing healthy and to become what I want to become. That's why I want to commit again to quiting this addiction.
I have also learned that I use P and P subtitutes as a way to cope with emotional pain. It is a thing I have been struggling with since ever, but I have never actually adressed it properly. I'm going to start seeing a new psychologist soon, and maybe it will help me to tackle this issue.
It feels like a new begining in many ways. I come from a very dark place, and this new chapter feels like a second chance at life. I want to be strong and wit enough as to grab this change and not let it pass before my eyes. I don't want to trhow this chance away by continuing beeing addictied to P and P subtitutes. I'm awfully aware that I have trhown away my teenage years to the trashcan, and I don't want to do the same with the few years of youth I still have. I'm terrified at that possibility.
Overall, I want to commit to myself, to grow a healthy life and to have a healthy and happy life. For me, that means betting on my self, on my edducation, on my social and mental recovery, and on leaving this dirty addiction behind.
This also means I commit to rewiring, to find the taste of real life again. to finding people in my life that make me good, to make good to the people I love and to fill my time with activities that fullfill me (education, music, social events, sports, art).
It sounds too idealistic, haha, I only want to be connected with real life, with real people, and with activities I enjoy.
So, I commit to no P, no subtitues and no fantasies. I will be specially carefull with fantasies, and I will be extra carefull in the mornign and when going to sleep, since these are my most vulnerable moments.
For me, P subtitues include: scrolling in social media, compulsive use of food, fantasies, and compulsive use of internet/videogames.
I'm commiting to not using youtube or instagram on my phone.
I know I will have some urges due to chasser effect, so can mentally prepare for that in the following weeks. If I predict I will have a lot of urges and fantasies in the following days it will be not so much of a problem.
I like the idea that I read in the post of @the_mountain_goat , that one should feel happy and joyfull when quitting P, becaus it means that you don't need to go back to it ever again. I also means that you are trhowing away something that severely damages you, and gaining a lot in retun.
I would like to make a solem vow not to ever use P or P subtitues again.
It's been a destructive force in my life since I was a little kid, and it has severly damaged my social life. I'm afraid I'm going to waste more time on this crap.
On the other hand, I can gain a lot by commiting to real life and by letting this addiction behind (connect wiht real people, for example, have more energy in my life and have more joy in beeing social and working in my projects).
I want to leave this destructive force behind and embrace what life has of good for me.
This is why I'm making this vow not to ever use P subtitues again.
I know It is not going to be easy, but I also know it is going to be worth it.
That's all for all, I will be back very soon.
See you!
Last edited:
