Brother in this battle - My path to freedom

[Freerider]

Day 0, but anyway I will fight my way to freedom from porn and dopamine. I know it´s hard because having this problem long time and have already tried to reboot 4 years or more.. I Found today adult site blocker from my new netrouter, I hope it helps also. Good advices for this process are wellcome!

 

[Blondie]

Hi Freerider, have you ever tried adult site blockers Qustodio and Netnanny? @forceisstrong2 recommends them. I haven't given them a shot but maybe worth a try.

Best

 

[Freerider]

Day 1, I did 11km jogging and took 2min cold shower after that. I am happy at the moment but know the difficulties are somewhere waiting. Then come back to here and write something about feelings..

 

[Freerider]

Day 2. I had possibility to have sex with my wife but I couldn’t get erection and that has happened some weeks already.. it feels really bad and scary. I doubt that reason for that is too much masturbation and porn watching. Does somebody know how to survive from this.. no porn is main thing here of course..

 

[Blondie]

Hey @Freerider, sorry to hear about this. Yes, this is definitely most likely because of porn, and the further you get away from this, the better it will be. I've also learned, that sometimes the man downstairs doesn't want to work, even if you're far out from porn, and that's just the way it is. I think we over think this sometimes which only makes it worse! But no matter what, staying away from porn should get you the results you wish. I know for me, 90 percent of my "problems" were from porn, the other 10 percent, is just life, mood swings, stress etc.

Stay positive, and try not to get bogged down in worse case scenarios.

Best

 

[Freerider]

Day 3. No porn, no masturbation. Feel tired and hard to concentrate on work. I am at office which is like ”safety zone” and much easier than to afraid the worst at home office.

 

[Freerider]

• Did I use porn today? No
• What were my triggers? Hardware store cashier looked good, also random woman on the street. Thats weird it started so fast, couple days without porn..
• How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? Try to consecentrste one thing at a time, listen ebooks, look fire in fireplace
• What am I grateful for today? My family and try to be grateful at me
• Day counter 4

 

[Freerider]

Day 5. 2minutes cold shower feels great, yesterday 10km jogging also good even it was minus degrees and pretty cold. Lot of good things in my life, just this layer of shitty addiction between me and world.. its hard. Have to try something. This forum is better that my old way to count days for my own diary.. shame was there also when did pmo but it is somehow different when i am responsible also for you guys about this recovery. Still good but all shit inside of me which is screaming and want to act out. Keep strong brothers!

 

[GBS]

5 days is awesome. Keep going

 

[Freerider]

Day 6. No pmo. Lot of stuff to do, which is good for this project. Somehow need to learn trust that things goes right and no need to stress everything. Fear is one big reason to escape to watch porn for me. Also negative feelings, i have to learn feel those without any escape.

 

[Freerider]

Day 7 no pmo. Last night ate dinner out and drink couple beer. I slept little bad and saw some sexual related dreams at the morning. Still clear with porn and that stuff, which is good and quite a miracle.. one week or day seven today, happy about that!

 

[Blondie]

Nice job on 7 days clean @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11!

 

[Freerider]

Day 8 no pmo. Feel stressed about renovation project and feeled somehow melancholy. Still worst withdrawal symptoms ( is it right term? From google translator..) missing.. just feel sad or angry or tired or depressed little but no worst nightmare symptoms. That’s good.. day by day. Goal is rest of live without porn so days counting is little weird. On the other hand, i have masturbated and used porn last 20 years somehow and tried to get away from porn more than 4 years and somehow got back to that shit always so 8 days now with these feelings is quite a good job! Have to learn feel also negative feelings without additional dopamine/porn boosts..

 

[Freerider]

Day 8 no pmo. Feel stressed about renovation project and feeled somehow melancholy. Still worst withdrawal symptoms ( is it right term? From google translator..) missing.. just feel sad or angry or tired or depressed little but no worst nightmare symptoms. That’s good.. day by day. Goal is rest of live without porn so days counting is little weird. On the other hand, i have masturbated and used porn last 20 years somehow and tried to get away from porn more than 4 years and somehow got back to that shit always so 8 days now with these feelings is quite a good job! Have to learn feel also negative feelings without additional dopamine/porn boosts..

Still day 8. I made it even it get little hard.

 

[Freerider]

Day 9 no pmo. Do i need to continue this rehab also then when its hard? And other stupid questions.. when i am disappointed and scary? Fuck, it makes this much harder stuff..

 

[Freerider]

Day 10. No pmo. I write this on morning because when I celebrate clean day already and get that happy feeling to write this it help me during day. Of course i am totally honest and report here if i relapse during day. Ten days without pmo, that is something!! I also had stressfull situations during weekend and noticed that i was quite easy little angry to my family or feel my wifes critical comments very hard. These feelings feld bad and i noticed i have used masturbation to clear my feelings before. Now when i didnt use mastubation for help it just feel bad but i could survived from that. Later i told my wife that how i feld her comments. It helped. Keep going guys!

 

[Freerider]

Day 10. No pmo. I write this on morning because when I celebrate clean day already and get that happy feeling to write this it help me during day. Of course i am totally honest and report here if i relapse during day. Ten days without pmo, that is something!! I also had stressfull situations during weekend and noticed that i was quite easy little angry to my family or feel my wifes critical comments very hard. These feelings feld bad and i noticed i have used masturbation to clear my feelings before. Now when i didnt use mastubation for help it just feel bad but i could survived from that. Later i told my wife that how i feld her comments. It helped. Keep going guys!

Oh shit, after stressfull days little easier and now i was almost back in old habits. No porn or orgasm but i started masturbating or first being little excited.. so near. Still in game but almost in trouble.

 

[Freerider]

Day 11. No pmo. Slept good last night. I was very tired. Now i feel better. Yesterday almost relapse was when i took little easier after full week of works and tasks. So it isnimportant to notice that risks of easier days.. have to have something or not to be alone or or.. today better day, looking forward!

 

[Freerider]

My concentration has been bad last years. Somekind of brainfog or depression and low self-esteem and fear of failure, difficulty getting started has disturbed my life. Also difficulties with real sex.. somehow I have read that masturbation and porn watching may has effect for these.. how have you guys getting over these? Or do you ever have rhat kind of difficulties?

 

[Freerider]

Day 12 hard day and I almost fell again. Somehow my inner voice tells that masturbation is okay, but at this stage it would be back to old. I have two inner voices, other says that pmo is no problem at all, other says its not what i want. Then i discuss with myself. I hope that myself with healthier habits win the battles.