McNutty
Active Member
I'm back for more. I just came out of a nasty binge-relapse where I wasted 4 hours edging to porn. Things are at an all time low over here in more ways than just one. But PMO is one of those things that, even after all this time, I could still single it out as one of the most destructive forces that I've ever had to deal with. And here I am for another round.
I started journaling on this forum ('Escaping the Status Addictus...') 500 days ago tomorrow. FIVE HUNDRED DAYS! That is unbelievable. I could have fully (or almost) rewired by now. The funny thing is the longest streak I've had in those 500 days was the one where I started journaling here. I can't point my finger on it, but the effect of that journal was potent. I was looking at a record of my journey to become a better human as it unfolded before my eyes. I tried to recreate this same streak/progress in a few subsequent journals since my relapse, but I guess the magic was just gone. That thread is now a mess. I'd start a new thread and just disappear whenever I relapse. But seeing as how it's been 500 days since that successful journal, I decided to give it one more shot. It's also that I have a ton of thoughts I want to get out there and journaling on this forum seems to provide the outlet I'm looking for.
I'm throwing everything I have at this streak. I'm going to check-in daily (or more), and will employ exercise and urge-surfing techniques as I had done in previous attempts that saw various levels of success. The goal is find a completely new way to cope with the stressors of life, away from PMO. I also have a myriad of other problems, including ED, PIED, DE, and my member appears to have checked out almost completely. Not even porn gets it up. But I refuse to become just another statistic, although I would be happy if any of the younger guys on here reads this journal as a cautionary tale. I really want to be the guy who reversed his PIED through discipline and hard work.
There is a lot I want to delve into, but I will leave this to the coming days/weeks. I put out a lot of information on my original thread (linked above), where I wrote about my struggle with OCD, and mental health in general, in addition to my life-long struggle with removing PMO as a factor from my life. I will likely revisit a lot of these themes on this journal, so if you're not comfortable with the mental health discussion, I would suggest you skip those parts (I will try to identify when I am discussing heavy mental health issues).
Onwards and upwards...
I started journaling on this forum ('Escaping the Status Addictus...') 500 days ago tomorrow. FIVE HUNDRED DAYS! That is unbelievable. I could have fully (or almost) rewired by now. The funny thing is the longest streak I've had in those 500 days was the one where I started journaling here. I can't point my finger on it, but the effect of that journal was potent. I was looking at a record of my journey to become a better human as it unfolded before my eyes. I tried to recreate this same streak/progress in a few subsequent journals since my relapse, but I guess the magic was just gone. That thread is now a mess. I'd start a new thread and just disappear whenever I relapse. But seeing as how it's been 500 days since that successful journal, I decided to give it one more shot. It's also that I have a ton of thoughts I want to get out there and journaling on this forum seems to provide the outlet I'm looking for.
I'm throwing everything I have at this streak. I'm going to check-in daily (or more), and will employ exercise and urge-surfing techniques as I had done in previous attempts that saw various levels of success. The goal is find a completely new way to cope with the stressors of life, away from PMO. I also have a myriad of other problems, including ED, PIED, DE, and my member appears to have checked out almost completely. Not even porn gets it up. But I refuse to become just another statistic, although I would be happy if any of the younger guys on here reads this journal as a cautionary tale. I really want to be the guy who reversed his PIED through discipline and hard work.
There is a lot I want to delve into, but I will leave this to the coming days/weeks. I put out a lot of information on my original thread (linked above), where I wrote about my struggle with OCD, and mental health in general, in addition to my life-long struggle with removing PMO as a factor from my life. I will likely revisit a lot of these themes on this journal, so if you're not comfortable with the mental health discussion, I would suggest you skip those parts (I will try to identify when I am discussing heavy mental health issues).
Onwards and upwards...
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