104 days free and had a small relapse. Could use support

[Avar]

Long story short went 104 days for the first time of beating 90 days then decided to fap. Tablet was next too me and one thing led to another...watched 2 minutes worth and finished.
I was furious at my self. I could have just stopped and walked away but didnt.
I was freaking out but here are realizations I've come too. I wasnt that interested. Its easy to slip up. It was 2 minutes not 2 hours could have been worse (doesnt excuse it) My 104 days have not gone too waste. This was a set back but its not the end of the world. I just need to pick up and keep moving. I need too stop thinking in days. I gave up porn and didnt want any of it but let a trigger get me and just grabbed it. It shouldn't be another 90 days, it should be about moving forward.
Not sure if this sets me back a ton....
Just needed to get that off my chest. Any advice appreciated.
P.S. I also didnt relapse into binging or wanting to watch again today as I was too mad and I think that is stride in the right direction

 

[Poker]

Thank you for sharing and being honest.....

We all suffer set backs.  You're now in a place where you realized what happened right away.  It was a slip up, but you haven't taken your eyes off the goal of getting yourself to a better place in life.  Keep your eyes on the goal.

We all stumble from time to time....  it whether we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and still carry on the journey. 

Be strong my friend.

Cheers,

p.

 

[qrayzHD]

It shouldn't be another 90 days, it should be about moving forward.

That right there is what matters, moving forward. Nobody knows how much a relapse sets one back but i can only guess that with every PMO session the damage multiplies, i don't believe one 2 minute slip up could do much damage.

 

[Avar]

Thanks for the words of encouragment. What Im unsure of is does this reset me? Im feeling good emotionally and mentally in knowing that I can move on but phsyically my junk is not active. Morning wood has disappeared :/ Does this mean I'm in a flatline?

 

[Rudy]

Just did the same damn thing myself after being porn free one month (did a month before that but got heartbroken and turned to porn for a few days then quit again). Isolated incident, nothing you can do now It's over, it's done Press on and fight the good fight.

I had been MO'ing the last few days because I figured screw it, it's not porn, but all the more experienced guys were right. If you're MO'ing often it will just lead right back to porn eventually anyway. I guess I just have to stop MO'ing completely. I'm still in a rural area and I have 3.5 months before moving to Tokyo, so I can still do this and have super wiener powers when it counts! And if not then I'll have some wonderful green liquid that will keep me from any humiliating incidents haha!

 

[nD86]

Damn, 104 days.. that's impressive.

You know this whole counting in days thing, it's got its up-side and its down-side. I mean, you get a nice feeling from the idea that you're adding to your counter; you know, every day an extra day, etc., but if you get too hung up about the amount of days, then that's all it is. It isn't though; the most important thing is that you change your attitude toward it. When you - the earth - start becoming no longer supportive for this weed to grow, it's only a matter of time until it's dead. Looks like you are well on your way to killing this thing, mate.

Don't fret about the mini relapse. You messed up, but your heart wasn't in it. You were giving your car's engine a good blast before the highway gets put to bed for good!

 

[Poker]

That's why there is no goal on mine.....  because never again was not one of the options.

Cheers,

p.

 

[Mbg]

Sounds like you are in the right mindset.  Don't beat yourself up.  For me, PMO was a coping mechanism, and if I begin to beat myself up for a poor decision all I do is open the door for my addiction.  My addict: "oh you have been beating yourself up... You look like you're hurt... Here, I can help with that".  Self destruction is what leads to the continuation of the addictive cycle.  I have been struggling the last week and nearly reset the other night.  I had been in deep denial and had been beating myself up.  I came to grips and realized that I didn't want to PMO, I just wanted to feel better, but my addict was trying to convince me it knew what I wanted.  Instead of listening to my addiction, I got creative and worked on some art and reached out to another addict to talk about my experience.  You did the right thing getting on the forum. 

 

[Avar]

Thank you all for your words. I'm about to be back at a week free and I had a few emotional struggles but never once wanted to back to P. I feel that is a huge sign and i started seeing physical signs again so I think it was more mental. Too me this 7 days will become two weeks then those a month and then 3 and then forever and less about days.

 

[Avar]

Morning wood is gone again. Random erections during the day but never full. Still getting partial ones when Im with my lady friend. Kinda worried but I assume that its my body/brain trying to sort out what I did and I just stay positive and keep moving forward.

 

[Fappy]

Avar, mate, 104 days is a pretty damn good accomplishment!
You slipped a little, thats all. Not many can go as far as you did without relapsing.
Youve gone that far once. Do it again.