mybestself
Active Member
Hey all,
Newcomer here, at least to this forum. I'm 28 years old and I've been struggling with porn addiction since I was around 14. I realised I had a problem at 18 and I've been working to kick the habit ever since. I've definitely made progress these last 10 years but I still find myself slipping every week or two. Basically just as I start to feel good from not watching porn, I kick it in and re-visit all the shitty pain and guilt that comes with a relapse - great. This pattern is absolutely exhausting and I'm tired of feeling tired all the time. I've tried lots of techniques these past 10 years but one I haven't really entertained before is starting up a journal. So here it goes. Wish me luck in my goal to make 90 days and feel free to join in along the way. Hopefully I'll be able to share a thing or two from my experience to date which others can find useful.
Journal Progress Summary (first attempt):
Week 1: Having problems getting out of bed, feeling exhausted every morning. Diet isn?t great, drinking a lot of coffee and I?ve been playing a lot of computer games. Not too much temptation to act out until day 7 where I feel strong withdrawal symptoms, fortunately I keep strong.
Week 2: Massive relief that I didn?t relapse on day 7, fortified by my girlfriend asking how my sobriety was going and being able to honestly say that it was going well. Start to find getting out of bed easier. Increased confidence and general well being. Notice that I?ve been isolating myself from my colleagues and want to make a change. Experience some heavy withdrawal on day 11 but decide as an experiment to masterbate without any external stimulation. It works well, and again find myself massively relieved that I didn?t seek out pornography. Start to skip out on Journal entries near the end of the two week period which could be evidence of me feeling apathy towards my recovery
Week 3: Experience another situation where I?m temped to watch pornography but again I was able to choose masterbation as a healthier alternative, once again feel very relieved. Noticeable less temptation to act out day to day, even while being home alone with an unprotected computer. Started reading more regularly. Decide to give myself a break from computer games for January as well as the rest of December. Have been very good at sticking to my household budget and also start a new diet and exercise regime., overall my self control is considerable better than a few weeks back. Found myself tempted to act out a further two times but this time I was able to ride through the temptation without needing to use masterbation as a relapse preventative measure (woop!)
Week 4: I relapsed on day 28 but I'm proud of what I have accomplished during this past streak of sobriety. I'm going to reset my counter and continue this journal and journey
Journal Progress Summary (second attempt):
Week 1: Restarting my journal and this time setting a reduced goal of 40 days. Really want to make sure that this time round I log in every day to contribute to my journal as I'm sure that the gradual increase in recovery apathy was responsible for my relapse. Definitely intending on using controlled masterbation (i.e. simply masterbating when at risk of seeking out pornography) as this worked really well for my last streak. Wish me luck!
Week 2:
Week 3:
Week 4:
Week 5:
Week 6:
Week 7:
Week 8:
Week 9:
Week 10:
Over and out.
mybestself
Newcomer here, at least to this forum. I'm 28 years old and I've been struggling with porn addiction since I was around 14. I realised I had a problem at 18 and I've been working to kick the habit ever since. I've definitely made progress these last 10 years but I still find myself slipping every week or two. Basically just as I start to feel good from not watching porn, I kick it in and re-visit all the shitty pain and guilt that comes with a relapse - great. This pattern is absolutely exhausting and I'm tired of feeling tired all the time. I've tried lots of techniques these past 10 years but one I haven't really entertained before is starting up a journal. So here it goes. Wish me luck in my goal to make 90 days and feel free to join in along the way. Hopefully I'll be able to share a thing or two from my experience to date which others can find useful.
Journal Progress Summary (first attempt):
Week 1: Having problems getting out of bed, feeling exhausted every morning. Diet isn?t great, drinking a lot of coffee and I?ve been playing a lot of computer games. Not too much temptation to act out until day 7 where I feel strong withdrawal symptoms, fortunately I keep strong.
Week 2: Massive relief that I didn?t relapse on day 7, fortified by my girlfriend asking how my sobriety was going and being able to honestly say that it was going well. Start to find getting out of bed easier. Increased confidence and general well being. Notice that I?ve been isolating myself from my colleagues and want to make a change. Experience some heavy withdrawal on day 11 but decide as an experiment to masterbate without any external stimulation. It works well, and again find myself massively relieved that I didn?t seek out pornography. Start to skip out on Journal entries near the end of the two week period which could be evidence of me feeling apathy towards my recovery
Week 3: Experience another situation where I?m temped to watch pornography but again I was able to choose masterbation as a healthier alternative, once again feel very relieved. Noticeable less temptation to act out day to day, even while being home alone with an unprotected computer. Started reading more regularly. Decide to give myself a break from computer games for January as well as the rest of December. Have been very good at sticking to my household budget and also start a new diet and exercise regime., overall my self control is considerable better than a few weeks back. Found myself tempted to act out a further two times but this time I was able to ride through the temptation without needing to use masterbation as a relapse preventative measure (woop!)
Week 4: I relapsed on day 28 but I'm proud of what I have accomplished during this past streak of sobriety. I'm going to reset my counter and continue this journal and journey
Journal Progress Summary (second attempt):
Week 1: Restarting my journal and this time setting a reduced goal of 40 days. Really want to make sure that this time round I log in every day to contribute to my journal as I'm sure that the gradual increase in recovery apathy was responsible for my relapse. Definitely intending on using controlled masterbation (i.e. simply masterbating when at risk of seeking out pornography) as this worked really well for my last streak. Wish me luck!
Week 2:
Week 3:
Week 4:
Week 5:
Week 6:
Week 7:
Week 8:
Week 9:
Week 10:
Over and out.
mybestself
