ErictheBread
New Member
Hello folks - this is my first post. I've had a slightly different experience to many on here, but I think the roots of the problem are exactly the same. I'm 33, have been using porn for most of my adult life, off and on. I'm sort of a serial monogamist, currently single but I came out of a relationship a few months ago. That relationship, the sex was great, but almost every other relation in my life I've had occasional to frequent problems with ED; I never connected this to porn use, but having just devoured the ebook from yourbrainonporn I'm starting to realise those times of difficulty go along with pretty high porn use.
To tell the truth, I've never considered that I had a problem with porn. I never graduated to harder or more extreme versions, in fact quite the opposite - I've only been interested with finding the highest quality, the most perfect women, the best lighting etc. Again, I think this is the same impulse expressed in a different way, and I've certainly noticed that I get bored with the same women and need novelty. Also, I'm very much a hoarder - in the last 10 years-ish I've somehow managed to amass almost 1500 films through many periods of quite obsessive downloading. In fact, I sometimes feel the downloading / collecting has been more important than watching.
So, after a mini-epiphany when I realised I would probably be better banishing porn from my life altogether (at least for a good few months) I'm coming to the end of my first week of a hard reboot, no porn and no masturbation. I've honestly no idea if this is going to affect me in big ways, but I'd like to see what positive effects come from it. I've noticed the dreaded flatline for a while, but already I'm starting to have more natural fantasies involving real women (or at least not porn-based scenarios) - and I'd forgotten how much better it is to create these images with your mind instead of finding them on a screen. Last night I had a headache that pretty much lasted the whole night and woke feeling like I had a hangover; not sure if this is related, but it's not my favourite feeling.
I confess, I've deleted all porn from my laptop but it's still sitting there on my external hard drive. My original idea was to make sure I only watch one or two scenes at most in a session in order to focus on the intimacy more, but from reading other people's tales I think this is kind of a stupid a half-measure. I'd like to think that once I get through a few months porn-free I could use my collection as I try to use drugs - little and and occasionally - but if this fails I guess I'll have to take the step to delete it all. I know, procrastination.
If you've got this far in my confession, thankyou. I'm curious to hear any thoughts / advice...
E
To tell the truth, I've never considered that I had a problem with porn. I never graduated to harder or more extreme versions, in fact quite the opposite - I've only been interested with finding the highest quality, the most perfect women, the best lighting etc. Again, I think this is the same impulse expressed in a different way, and I've certainly noticed that I get bored with the same women and need novelty. Also, I'm very much a hoarder - in the last 10 years-ish I've somehow managed to amass almost 1500 films through many periods of quite obsessive downloading. In fact, I sometimes feel the downloading / collecting has been more important than watching.
So, after a mini-epiphany when I realised I would probably be better banishing porn from my life altogether (at least for a good few months) I'm coming to the end of my first week of a hard reboot, no porn and no masturbation. I've honestly no idea if this is going to affect me in big ways, but I'd like to see what positive effects come from it. I've noticed the dreaded flatline for a while, but already I'm starting to have more natural fantasies involving real women (or at least not porn-based scenarios) - and I'd forgotten how much better it is to create these images with your mind instead of finding them on a screen. Last night I had a headache that pretty much lasted the whole night and woke feeling like I had a hangover; not sure if this is related, but it's not my favourite feeling.
I confess, I've deleted all porn from my laptop but it's still sitting there on my external hard drive. My original idea was to make sure I only watch one or two scenes at most in a session in order to focus on the intimacy more, but from reading other people's tales I think this is kind of a stupid a half-measure. I'd like to think that once I get through a few months porn-free I could use my collection as I try to use drugs - little and and occasionally - but if this fails I guess I'll have to take the step to delete it all. I know, procrastination.
If you've got this far in my confession, thankyou. I'm curious to hear any thoughts / advice...
E