Olaf, I agree with what Vincent said. You're indulging in depressing thoughts, and this is a vicious cycle, because it does impact how others will respond to you. Frankly, your posts make me think that porn is not the first thing you need to give up. The first thing you need to remedy is this self-pitying, self-loathing attitude. You are better than this, brother, and you are much more than the man you are describing in your posts.
olafthewise said:
No woman wants to be respectful to an unemployed man!
Horse puckey. This is a big, fat lie you have told yourself. I've said it before, a man is NOT defined by what he does for a living or whether he has a job. Your wife might not respect you to some extent (I don't know this), but if she does not, that is HER problem and HER mistake, not yours -- unless you perpetuate the problem with your attitude.
I would say, however, that it is difficult for many women to show respect a man who is constantly expressing a "woe is me" attitude. Women respond to men who are willing to boldly face the challenges in their lives and who have confidence in who they are and what they can do. Yes, we all get down sometimes, as we are all human, but the key is to pick yourself up and keep going.
olafthewise said:
My 5 years of unemployment make my Christianity look so bad.
No, it is how YOU RESPOND to your unemployment that makes your Christianity look "good" or "bad."
Can you not get a job anywhere? What about a fast food place, or as a waiter in a restaurant? If your issue is plain and simple unemployment, can't you get a minimum wage job? So what if it is not in the field of your degree or whatever.
And if you can't get a minimum wage job (I don't where you live), then go get a "job" serving on a volunteer basis in some church or with some charitable organization. Do something that gets you out of the house and providing a service to others.
olafthewise said:
There really is no reason to live when your faith fails and God seems to be so distant you begin to doubt.
The reason to live is that God has a purpose in your current suffering. You may not know what it is, but he has a purpose for you. Deep down you know this. And BTW, there are people who are in far worse shape.
I think perhaps you need to seek some support from some Christian men in your church or neighborhood who can talk to you and give you in-person support. In addition (and I apologize if I forgot some of your backstory), it appears like you might be suffering from depression. Perhaps you should see a physician also, as we know that the chemicals in our bodies can get out of balance and cause depression, anxiety, etc.
Praying for you, brother.
