David S Journal

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davesaint86

Member
Day 38 - My wife yesterday told me my porn addiction was by Dad's fault.  I told her that it is 100% my fault even though my Dad got me started at 6.  I have to accept full responsibility for my actions.  Anyways, there are signs that I may be coming out of my flatline.  Below tv show I watched on addictions on Sunday.  I'll post Pt 2 once it plays on TV.

How Addictions Affect the Brain Pt . 1 | Manna-Fest with Perry Stone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gEuzuDqiPk
 
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notgivinup

Guest
Hey Dave...thanks for your posts.
Thanks for getting back in, and thank for posting the video.
good stuff.
NGU
 
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notgivinup

Guest
Dave...thanks, again, for the video.
I'm looking forward to seeing part 2.

I know how it feels to be "on top of the world" and doing great...and then BAM...you're on your face again because of pmo.....and whatever led up to it.

It sucks.

I know you are well back into the reboot...but don't think about where you WOULD HAVE been.....that's already done. It's history. It's not a total loss. You are WAY ahead of where you were before you had the 175 days of no pmo.

And you are that much further now. But you are today over 27 days...and that is really cool.

I wish you well today. Thanks for your toughness and your resolve here. Your journey is encouraging.

don't forget to post the link for the next video.

Thanks
NGU
 
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davesaint86

Member
Day 40 - Thank you all.  I'm feeling better as far as not having the anxiety.  I had three straight days of MW also.  I'm doing better this reboot also because I'm more knowledgeable now.  I have a great life now.  My goal is to make it one year. 
 
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Chip

Guest
davesaint86 said:
Day 40 - Thank you all.  I'm feeling better as far as not having the anxiety.  I had three straight days of MW also.  I'm doing better this reboot also because I'm more knowledgeable now.  I have a great life now.  My goal is to make it one year.
Click to expand...
haven't heard from you in a bit, how's it going?  Should be up around 62 if my math is right.
 
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davesaint86

Member
Starting over for the third time.  It's been 2016 since I posted last.  I failed.  That is why you have not heard from me.  Day 1 was on August 6, 2020.  Today is Day 9 of being porn free.  I was flatlining and still flatlining from day 1.  I can't tell you what happen why I went back to porn other than it's been a habit that I could fully never break.  I have a high sex drive when not on porn so maybe that's it.  I'm 56 now and I started working out hard again.  Doing P90X at my age, which is hard.  Working out is keeping my mind off porn.  I'm hoping starting up the log again will not only help me but help others.  Currently I have no libido, MW, nothing, nada.  I'm going to post my workout status also to keep track of my progress.

Yesterday 200 pushups, 10-2 Min Rounds Bas Rutten Boxing, 1500 Jump Rope Skips/4 miles of Walking
Today - 2 mile walk, 300 Jump Rope Skips, P90X Yoga X and Ab Ripper X - I start week 4 today of P90X which is a recovery week
Tomorrow - P90X Core Synergistics,  Probably will be doing a walk or hike along with skipping rope
 
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Georgos

Well-Known Member
Hi Dave, it's great to see you're grasping the philosophy of work, I know when I work I feel really good, but sometimes when I try to hard it get's confusing, I'm really ashamed of my PMO habit, but I've cut it down to less than ten times a year so that's a start, last time I saw my old RE teacher he said I'd be "a student for life", I guess maybe he was right, he was one of my favourite teachers along with Mr. Williams who was only rude to me once when I told him I was "half-,Cypriot", he said "how unfortunate" :( Still I got to do whatever I wanted in maths class with no teacher, had some great friends too, maths can be really beautiful once you get the hang of it, it's just proving stuff that stumps me, always been more of an interpreter I'm afraid, anyway, I'm straying from the point, just wanted to say we're here for you, keep it up, peace.

Qi Yuan divined for Sun Ra: it is best to separate before humiliation sets in.
 
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J01

Guest
Hi Dave-maybe what you described is more like a temporary setback as opposed to failure.  Failure would be more like not doing anything positive to change the situation.  Looking forward to hearing about your restart.  That is one crazy workout regimen-I got tired just reading it!  Best wishes and good job getting back on track.     
 
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davesaint86

Member
Day 11 - Today is Day 11 of being porn free. I woke up in the middle of the night (Day 9th) with a woody.  I was surprised.  I'll take it.  No urges. 

Staying positive
Did my - P90X Core Synergistics,  along with a 2 1/4 walk.  Did 2000 skips with the the job rope along with abs and stretching.
Yesterday boxed 10 rounds, abs an stretched
Today, road my Rogue bike 1 hour.  Still need to skip rope.
 
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TheNorman

Active Member
Once I'm back from vacation I plan on hitting the heavy bag a lot more but man does it gas me out quickly! Good for you on the double digit streak and for the intense workouts!
 
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davesaint86

Member
Day 13 - Had some minor urges yesterday and today.  I did not take the bait.  I tell myself no, not interested.  I woke up yesterday with extreme back pain so did light exercise yesterday trying to let my back recover.  Plus it was hot as hell yesterday.  I just need to stay busy and positive and channel my energy into positive things.
 
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davesaint86

Member
Yay - made it to day 15.  My libido is low.  I did wake up a few times with a half-ass erection each time last night.  Right now this is easy.  My big concern is can I handle having my libido back and still stay in control.  That will be the hard part.  Staying positive.

Exercise Today
Rogue Air Bike - 30 Minutes
P90X Yoga X
Bas Rutten - 10 2-Minute Rounds Boxing
Skipping Rope - 1,000 skips 17 minutes
 
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davesaint86

Member
Day 28 -  My libido is low. Really no change since Day 15.  Sex with my wife has been a lot better (Sindenifil Assisted) .  She notices. 

Exercise Today
Rogue Air Bike - 10 HIIT Rounds
Bas Rutten - 10 2-Minute Rounds Boxing
Stretching - Still need to do
Abs - Still need to do
Will be doing a HIIT routine after work - Still need to do
 
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davesaint86

Member
Thanks Jixu!  Even though the libido is not there I feel I'm missing something.  I think that something is the habit of viewing porn.  Staying busy and productive.  Had s*x with my wife yesterday and noticed a big improvement with the feeling, hardness, etc.  I don't want to go back.  It's a bad habit and is so negative.
 
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davesaint86

Member
Day 40 - libido still low.  Strong thoughts came into my head the last couple of days of wanting to view porn (just pictures).  I stopped myself both times.  With all the craziness in the world I don't want go back to the old me.  It's a struggle.
 
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