rebooting question - I need help :(

[hunnofap]

First of all I want to tell that English isn't my first language, so it might be a bit hard to understand my problem, but I will try to express myself.
If you are still in the rebooting progress, this story might be "hard" to read, than just skip it for your own good.

"It became a routine"

So I started rebooting 6 days ago, this was my first attempt to avoid porn and masturbation totally. I have a girlfriend and we discussed my problem and she willing to help me to deal with it. So the main thing, that we had sex at the 6. day of my progress it was awesome, but of course I still cant ejaculate during sex or oral sex. So at the end of it, she started to give me a bj, but unfortunately she was not able to finish the "job" (of course because of my addiction). I was very horny, because she was pretty close to the end but still can't do it, so i grabbed my dick and finished it to her mouth.It was pretty dark, and I'm visual typed person, I like to imagine the things, so when I started to finish it I also started to imagine nasty things with real girls, but not with porn.  Did I totally failed at my rebooting or it's some thing that could be done in the progress or I should totally avoid this kind of ejaculation??

I am pretty determined in my rebooting, so I will do anything to recover from it.
I am open minded to every possibility to solve this problem.
I hope my topic is in the good place

Thanks for your answers and have a nice day.

 

[Mbg]

Hi there!  Glad you are reaching out!  In my experience, I have discovered that I am not only a porn addict, but a sex addict.  Without knowing much about your history, I will try not to diagnose or project my own struggles.  That being said, it sounds like you may not be 100% present (in the moment with your partner) while having sex.  Your mind may be drifting into fantasy in an effort to get what you want.  It is common for sex addicts to admit that they felt disconnected during sex, or not present.  I recommend to anyone starting a reboot to take at least a 30 day period of abstinence to help them identify what their compulsions are.  For me, rebooting is more than just controlling my porn use (I have no control over that).  Recovery is about coming to a clearer state of mind through a detailed evaluation of my past and present, developing a healthier sexuality, and to repair the damage I have done to myself and others in my addiction.  I have traced my sexual addiction to as far back as 6 years old when I had a sexual encounter with other children in the daycare I was in.  I tell you this to perhaps give you an idea of the complexity of addiction and that, as I had done for so long, often times we block out past experiences of this nature despite the impact they may have on us later in life. 

 

[hunnofap]

Thanks for your answer. To tell the truth it helped me a lot now, because as far as I remember I've always mb-ed a lot more to real girls, than to porn. I didn't really know that there is a problem called sex addict, but as u described it, I feel myself closer to it than to porn addiction. I will go for that 30 day absistence, and we will see how will I react to things. This problem can be solved with rebooting too, or it might need other things to do? I'd like to read some more about sex addiction, could u link me some pages? I would be thankful.

Have a nice day

 

[Mbg]

Thanks for your answer. To tell the truth it helped me a lot now, because as far as I remember I've always mb-ed a lot more to real girls, than to porn. I didn't really know that there is a problem called sex addict, but as u described it, I feel myself closer to it than to porn addiction. I will go for that 30 day absistence, and we will see how will I react to things. This problem can be solved with rebooting too, or it might need other things to do? I'd like to read some more about sex addiction, could u link me some pages? I would be thankful.

Have a nice day

I recommend to anyone who thinks they may be a sex addict to go to SAA.org and take the self-evaluation, or as I did, look up the meeting schedule and find a meeting in your area to attend.  I would encourage you to go to at least 6 meetings.  Also, a great book on sexual addiction is Patrick Carnes' Out Of The Shadows.  It goes in depth into the psychology of sexual addiction and sheds a light on the commonalities and traits possessed by sex addicts.