My story and my journey towards lifetime free of P & M.

[chiefmitch88]

HP21,

Hang in there. You're doing great. Showing some great resolve in stacking up days like you are. However, what I am going to tell you might sound counter-intuitive. Stop marking off the days and hours. If you truly mean to quit porn there is no finish line. This is a lifestyle change. For me, dwelling on say sober made it seem like I was stuck in a room with nothing but a clock and a computer. Discipline without compassion for yourself will get you nowhere. Learn to love yourself. Rather than focusing on avoiding porn start thinking how great your life could be if you began dedicating all this free time to ventures that would enrich your life. You are not your mind. You just filled your mind with an objectifying viewpoint and hours of erotic material. An urge or a flashback is simply evidence of that. You are the master of this vessel and you don't need to be compelled to dash yourself upon the rocks for some immediate gratification. You always have a choice.

Peace

These two links really helped me to put things into perspective and got my reboot on the right track. I hope they help you.

http://www.3pgc.org/photos-videos/details/?m=1167

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0

 

[hateporn21]

Hi

Thank you chiefmitch88 for valuable advise. It is much appreciated. Advises really count and do have an impact.

I know that I can have a life free of P & M if I look towards my life the you way you say and the way it is said in the links shared by you. You are absolutely right. I need a purpose in life. A goal. If I have a purpose all my energy will be directed towards achieving that purpose and not towards leaving P & M. If I concentrate on each single day and say that today I stayed away from P & M, this type of approach might bring me back to P & M some day. Rather its better that I concentrate on something positive and more beneficial in the long run.

I have learnt a lot in the last year or so...and my life has turned upside down. But as they say, its my life and now is the time I take back the reins of my life in my hands.

Thank you guys...

 

[Perseverance]

Hi buddy,

Thank you for checking in on me whilst I was away. And thank you for your words off support after my little slip up.

I know things are hard for you at the moment, but hang in there, you can do it. If you want something beneficial to think about, then know that you've helped another person stay on this path of recovery. Your comments of support and encouragement helped me not relapse and give up on this process, and for that I am deeply grateful.

How did your weekend go? Did you make it through? Hope you did bro

Much to you my friend, keep on trucking!

 

[hateporn21]

Day 29:

Good news: Completed 28 days of no P & M. That is four weeks. Really happy to make it this far.

Another good news is that I have started to feel mid-night erections and morning woods. Though not 100% woody but whatever it may be, its good. I know it will be 100% soon. It feels so good to get the wood back after going through a lean patch for around 2 weeks.

One more good thing is that I am getting the confidence back. Even concentration seems to have improved. Able to focus more at work now. Even the mood is generally good and happy. Able to multitask.

I traveled a lot last week or so. Met my sister and bro-in-law and my nephew. Its always good to meet with people and especially your loved ones.

A challenge that is coming up is I will be all alone at home. My parents who were here to spend their holidays have gone back to the hometown. I hope I face this challenge with good spirit and do something productive when I am at home. I hate porn and will do all to keep this shit out of my life.

Thanks perseverance for your support. Hope to keep the positive vibes between us and help each other to get over and out of this.

Regards,

A friend

 

[Perseverance]

Day 29:

Good news: Completed 28 days of no P & M. That is four weeks. Really happy to make it this far.

Massive congratulations to you dude! That?s so impressive.

And I'm glad to hear that things are beginning to work down there for you. Its nice to feel stirrings isn't it? Shows that this process is working.

Stay strong now that your parents have left buddy! The advice you've been giving me is priceless, so pay attention to it yourself Use your time productively. Create rather than consume and you'll stay master of your own impulses.

You can do this dude! We're all rooting for you

 

[pinkerton]

Hi hp21,
I just wanted to respond to some things you posted previously. Sorry about your marriage. Hopefully this can all be a new beginning for you. I'm not sure if you should have told your wife about P or not. I know that is not an option for my marriage, it would make things much worse, but I guess all marriages and spouses are different.  If you did what you thought was best for your marriage at the time then I think you don't need to regret.
  And I believe that Any addiction- including PMO - affects our ability to love others and ourselves. Addictions are serious disabilities when it comes to making healthy relationships. I think it is because we lie to ourselves and to others and it keeps us from fully knowing ourselves.
  When I quit drinking, other alcoholics told me it would take six months to get my mind back.
  I think if you follow the advice about focusing on living your life and making it better then you will learn more about yourself and how to love yourself.  And if you do that,  then when the opportunity comes you will be in good shape to build a strong happy healthy relationship.
  I hope I didn't sound to preachy, I am talking to myself as much as to you. I wish you all the best. Keep coming back.

 

[hateporn21]

Day 33

Have already completed a month (30 days) of no P & M. One third of the goal is achieved. Happy for that. I know that I am improving. Still a long way to go.

Today I read my journal and in fact realized that I have improved a lot. When I got up from sleep I was not feeling too good. Dreamt of my ex-wife in my sleep. So did not feel good when I woke up. Reading my own journal made things easier. I realised that how low I was when I started this journey. Today I have changed. I notice following changes in me:

a) Mood is a lot better than previous days. More cheerful. Enjoy speaking with people. Able to work harder. I am more positive now.
b) Concentration seems to have improved. Earlier I could not concentrate and read anything for more than 1 page. But today I can.
c) Head seems to be lighter.
d) Able to notice mild morning wood.

I know that I have a long way to go and I am only beginning to improve and show results. I can foresee that how my life can be without P & M. I remember when I was 25, not addicted to porn, how good I was in everything. I need to get back to that state of mind or even better. Also need to do a few life style changes. Have to change my habit of sleeping till late hours. A lot can be changed if I get up early.

Pinkerton: Thanks for your words. I decided against telling my wife about my P habit. I remember seriously contemplating to tell her or not when we were together and decided not to. You are right that not all marriages and spouses are same. If you think that you cannot tell your wife than better stick with it. You are the best judge for your life and your relationship.

You are right that addictions are a reason that can affect relationships and disable our thinking for investing in them. Its good to know this from you and also that other alcoholics told you that it can take near to 6 months.

You are very right that I should focus on living my life and making it better. God knows when an opportunity can strike. I shouldnt worry about that. And yaa you do not sound preachy at all. I really appreciate what you wrote. Its really helpful. Wish you the best too. We will soon be out of this.

 

[Gabe Deem]

@ hateporn21

Hey man. Just wanted to drop by and say congrats on 38 days. I just got your message you sent me awhile back... glad to have you here on the Nation. So glad you are seeing some improvements and I hope they continue to grow. However, don't be discouraged if you have more bad days ahead of you, as recovery tends to be a roller coaster ride.

Keep on pursuing the life you want, and continue to spend time around people in person and less time on screens. Sounds like you are off to a great start.

Keep truckin'. Hope the best for you. Much Love

 

[Perseverance]

How's your week going buddy?

Its brilliant to here that your making so much progress my friend. Hang on in there, you can do this - and you are already seeing the results, which is brilliant.

Keep at it, things can only get better for you now

 

[hateporn21]

Bad news for me guys. I relapsed and relapsed big time. But its not over. I want to conquer this. And I dont want to give in till I make it.

I could only go upto 34 days in my last reboot. That was better and this time I want to make it even better. Those who are following me will know where the problem lies. I have tried out figure out the triggers for me and ways to negotiate them. Giving up porn addiction or anything related to it is not easy. Its not simple. A mere thought can provoke and take us back to the starting line.

I am back again and don't want to give in. Guys I do need help and always encourage your comments/criticism. I have started going to gym in the mornings and also cycling. I want to write all my triggers here and have a record of them and ways how I can negotiate them. I know guys I need a purpose in life which is missing at the moment. That is one of the main problems.

I have started my counter again as I feel its better for me.

Perseverance: You were there buddy but I did not know how to respond after I relapsed. I dont want to relapse again and will need your support and encouragement even more.

Thanks guys.