Time to Reset

[WankFree]

Hey Curtis,

Thank you for your post. I know at first that I thought just removing porn would be ok, but I recalled a period of time where I did not use porn, but MO'd to porn memories and fantasies was still rampant. I know now that I was still using the addictive pathway and eventually when back to using porn. I know I have to stop all of it in order to get better, to heal. The last 8+ days I have not PMO'd. Since I am through the first week, it seems a little easier, but ideas still pop in my head to MO. This pattern is so ingrained in me, it will take a while for those routine triggers to fade away. 

The part of being so emotionally disconnected from excessive porn use is an indication on how destructive it has been to my brain. When PMO became more appealing than the real thing it was really sad. I remember thinking it was just too much has hassle to try to hookup with a real person. The PIED video on this site talks about that and something that really stood out to me on that video is that healthy sex with someone is something you can't control and can't watch. That made me think a bit.

 

[WankFree]

Thank you "R" and "Jimmy"

Stay strong brothers and don't let the old PMO routine pull you down.

 

[Curtis]

WF--thanks for the post. Also on the hit list of P are all those find-a-guy apps (manhunt, whatever)....but you already knew that. And poppers? Say g'bye, if you haven't already: a drug-induced libido, ain't exactly real. Good news? It gets better, and sooner than you think. Patience is a virtue.

 

[Phase2]

If you're on Day 9, you ought to be getting very close to a flatline. Hang in there until it sweeps in: then the battle will ease. Your horniness will fade and you will be able to put in a lot of days with less hour to hour struggle with your libidio. The flatline is your friend! It means your first battle is won and your brain is going into retreat so it can try to figure out new sexual outlets. Hang tough!

 

[WankFree]

Thanks Curtis & P2,

I must be honest that I awoke in middle of the night last night and was totally aroused. Without going into too much detail, I found myself very worked up and completed the job. A very small part of it only involved my hand. My mind was only focused on the physical sensation, but I do recall toward the end of thoughts to play old porn memories or fantasies in my head, but I didn't. I don't feel that the MO involved the addictive pathway in my brain, but I don't intend to repeat it. This morning I had mixed feelings about my counter, technically I did MO, but I really don't feel it was unhealthy. I can start a new counter or keep the one I have and my actual 30 days of no PMO will be 39 for P and 30 for MO. I really felt good about the time the days I put together, and would hate to just scratch that. I thought I was flat lining, but apparently I was not. I am now wondering what that really feels like.

 

[ready2go]

You didn't fall off the wagon dude.  You're doing great.  Keep your counter where it is, and if you want to track masturbation, go for it.  Personally I don't, though I haven't masturbated either.  If I do, I do.  For me it's not an issue.  But the whole experience with another person is so far superior, I'd just as soon stay ready for them when they appear.  But waking up in the middle of a wet dream and polishing it off?  I wouldn't worry about it.  It will be interesting to know what our brothers here think.

 

[WankFree]

Thanks Ready2go!

It wasn't exactly a wet dream, kind of a half asleep thing to start. I fear that if allow myself to MO that I will end of playing old porn memories or fantasies that are in my head. What happened last night was really physical and the sensation was really intense, kind made me think that is how healthier sex is supposed to be. I ended up keeping my counter and just changed it to not looking a P, then added a new counter for MO starting today. I feel this good about this now. Being someone in recovery, rigorous honest is very important.

 

[Ted]

I agree. I think if you can jerk off with only your imagination or thoughts and you do it w\o porn that is progress. The devil is in the porn. Stay strong and get back on track and keep your resolve to stay porn free. After all, ejaculating is a biological function and needs to happen to empty the prostate. To me, it's natural and necessary. You wouldn't ask me not to urinate or not to defecate because we know that is not realistic.

BUT, be honest with yourself about your triggers and if this will lead to P and PMO binges then you need to evaluate that.

Shake it off, get back on track and get back to your goal.

Good Luck,
Ted

 

[Curtis]

WF--Thanks for the update, and you're doing the right thing, I think, by keeping everyone up to date. The no-PMO thing is a new way of life, so else are we supposed to know if we're on the right track, except by giving a couple of details about what we're doing. The goal is no porn, and to rewire sexual thoughts and feelings toward real people. The MO counter I think is a good idea, I think: "half a wet dream" made me laugh; I haven't had a wet dream, but could have had quite a few recently "with a little help and maybe a porn thought or two" towards the end. I'm finding that the no P had made thoughts of P first fairly revolting, then scary, then I was pissed off at them. Now they're not even something I think about, so the cork seems back in the bottle. I'm driven to M like a school boy lately, but I am 100 percent sure that would trigger my porn obsession, and my goal is to be hands-free in any "real sex with real people" situations that come my way. If I start doing it to myself alone again, I'm going to continue doing that when I'm with a real person. That's why the M, for me, is something I want to avoid. You're doing great, man.

 

[WankFree]

Thanks Ted & Gay Gladiator (like the name):

I had to reset my MO counter, because I did MO'd again last night and this time old porn memories and fantasies crept in. I have not felt as good about myself as I did before I MO'd. That is an indication that it not a good idea to let myself MO very often. Thank you guys for all the feedback, this is certainly a journey, life changing journey for me. It will take time. I do not consider porn to be an option and I feel very good about the days I have put together away from it.

 

[Curtis]

WF--from those who have been there, and told me: "hard 90". No PMO, no MO, no O, for 90 days. (you could be forgiven for a wet dream O, or a hands-free O with a real person. It's simple....not easy, at all, which is why you get to pour your heart out on this site. We're all in this as a day to say commitment, even the ones who make it seem like life is suddenly magical the second they lay off the porn. Your job (and mine): to go to bed tonight, without doing it to yourself. Simple!!

 

[Curtis]

WF--how's it going? Thinking about you.