30 days today!

[Curtis]

Thanks for the note, Lyon. New place...a relief. And as I stated before, not the porn palace it would have been had I landed there before no-PMO (a little scary to contemplate, but I feel like I dodged a bullet.). Today...no desire for porn, and a growing annoyance with friends who are totally involved with the pron/ quick hook-up thing. I'm not preaching to them, but I'm noticing the sex-obsessed conversations (one-sided at this point, because I'm not adding to it), the boredom they show when the conversation turns to anything interesting to me, and an overall feeling that change becomes a lot deeper than I might have thought, when I realized porn didn't work for me anymore. So...a new circle of acquaintances. Pretty funny, I'm in AA and go to a men's meeting once a week. One AA concept is "sex run riot," that addicts are governed by out of control instincts, with ever more desires and decreasing satisfaction. Sex topic discusssions always tend toward confessions of affairs, told in kind of smug, smirky way. I brought up porn and masturbation (to absolute silence among the group), and mentioned YBOP. When I was done, every single person who shared afterwards fessed up to porn abuse, and "never realized that could be a problem." Gave a lot of guys this website. Interesting how you never see it as a problem, until you're ready to do something about it.

 

[lyon03]

I can relate brother. Not only did I do a brain reboot, I also did a relationship reboot. You'll probably change friends during this process as well. You might find that some resist the positive changes in you. These are people you will eventually drop. When I was angry, self-centred, and lacking in self-esteem, I attracted people that either resembled me or fed off of these negative emotions. Now in later reboot, I have a completely different group of friends: happy, loving, and kind people. My best friend's mother always said: "You're only as good as your friends are." I applaud you for bringing up the reboot. That took a lot of courage. Be well my friend. 

 

[Curtis]

Gentlemen: today marks 30th "hard" no PMO, MO, nor O. (Screw my PMO counter down below, I can count better now that the porn fog is lifted). Thank you all. The war is not over for me, in this addiction struggle, but feels like...Waterloo for porn as far as I'm concerned. No giant lessons to impart, as a newbie, but a couple of things that are indispensable to me:
1) a willingness to go porn-free (never had that before; the science behind it and everyone's stories, helped me to make this commitment one day at a time)
2) forgiving myself. Always felt a freak of nature sitting doing it with my pants down, staring at a screen filled with sexy pixels. Felt like...a lab rat. But not! Just another porn bozo on the bus
3) accountability partner (you know who you are). xxoo to you, and being able to share in private has allowed me to dial down feelings of shame and humiliation....that had no other outlet but PMO
4) getting "out of the house". Wow, lots of extra hours each day, and a lot of restless dopamine receptors, to placate. Signed up for a writing class, go for walks, keep a journal, joined a gym (and not to sit around in the steam room cruising), and take cold showers. Get to bed on time, and feel...pretty damn good

Thanks to all! Curtis
Porn...never again.

 

[ready2go]

Curtis!  You're really on this man.  30 days is such an awesome accomplishment, especially with all the other stuff you've added to your life.  What an inspiration!  Wow. 

You know the new dudes here will be especially glad to read of your progress and successes.  We all have pretty much the same start:  will this work, I see it working for other guys, they talk to me, and I can talk to them.  It makes me feel normal, not like some freak of nature. 

Keep journaling man.  And keep going!
R2G

 

[Phase2]

Way to go Curtis. 30 days is great. One full month when you probably thought you could only make it two days when you first started. Great job. No going back. We're getting our hardons/integrity/lives back. BOOM!

 

[WankFree]

Hey Curtis!

Great job on your 30! I really liked you share about others (friends) that talk about porn and hooking up on gay apps. I have a close friend who talks about hookups a lot, but since I started my goal to be PMO for 30 days it has not came up in conversation. I plan that when it does come up to tell him I don't want to hear that much about it. He is a good friend and will respect that. I am also in AA, I really don't talk about porn addiction in the rooms, but I do with my sponsor and support groups. They are all very supportive and I am grateful for that. I do agree though that there is a lot people in the rooms who suffer from PMO. One day at a time my friend.

 

[lyon03]

Congratulations Curtis! You've done a lot over the last 30 days, no-PMO and moving to your own apartment. Now porn-free, it only gets better my friend. Be well.

 

[Curtis]

I ramped up my rewiring campaign with an understanding pal--whose been kind of entertained by my journey here. A date! We actually did something G-rated together (a guppy-raising seminar, that ignited all my tropical fish interest from my youth). I chose it, partly because I've noticed some reawakening interests now that my pretty much life-long porn addiction woke up with a stake in its heart one day recently.

Last night's post-guppy excursion: fun, tender, and no agenda, thank god. (if I had a partner who knew nothing about my YBOP plan, my anxiety really would have been through the roof trying to make this or that happen as expected.) Only rule for me: no touching myself. My little PIED piper came through without an effort. Seem to still have delayed ejaculation thing going on--but resisted the urge to finish myself off, and let it be. I mean, my goal is to never finish myself off again. And waking up this morning in a Friend's arms and having nothing to regret...worth the restraint. That's enough out of me for now.

 

[lyon03]

Congratulations brother. Isn't honesty the sexiest thing? Thinking of you.

 

[Phase2]

Porn is the algae that grows on the tank's glass and obscures our view of all the pretty fishies.  8)

I love a success story! Keep swimming, Curtis. Sounds to me like a beached porpoise is about to free himself from the muck and head for deep blue clear ocean water!

 

[Curtis]

Thanks Guys--Telling some details, a little feedback from other passengers on the YBOP boat, makes for a smooth sail.

I had a little name change here, to EasyDoesIt. I've given the YBOP site out to a whole lot of guys I know. Don't want to feel too exposed using my actual name anymore.

 

[Curtis]

Name change yet again: Gay Gladiator suits my new and improving bump and grind libido, now that the flatline...is fading. Porn and MO, bite the dust.

 

[ready2go]

Gladiator huh.  Trigger.  lol

 

[Curtis]

R2G--hah!! You're my biggest trigger of all...

 

[Phase2]

What? Grrrrrr! (jealousy  )

 

[lyon03]

Gay Gladiator? I'm picturing Russell Crowe on a pride float.

 

[Curtis]

Guys--Sort of fell off the YBOP page. Apologies, but made 60 days. Sort of a choice every day: DON'T. The rest happens, and is sort of happening. Don't know why, but the PM thing, kept holding me back. I thought it was a healthy outlet....until I found this site, and the guys on it, to confirm otherwise. Wow. Still can't believe.... Porn did THAT to me?

Wishing you all well, and will catch up on everyone's posts, tomorrow. Could not have done this alone. We all know what I could actually do alone--/same as all of you! Hah!--and no going back.

 

[Phase2]

Congrats Super Gay Gladiator. 60 Days is major and you sound like you are kicking porn's butt (oops, was that a trigger? lol). Glad you found this site and are spreading the word. PIED can be overcome!