fapfreezone
Active Member
Hi folks. I've been keeping an offline journal for a while, but have just decided I might as well keep an online journal. For one thing, it makes my counters more effective because I can keep updating it and people will keep seeing them. That's reason enough for me.
So I'm 30, I've never had a girlfriend and have only ever had sex with escorts. I would have had sex with "real" girls, but ED got in the way. My first encounter was in 2003, before I had ever used internet porn, so I think the reasons were a combination of performance anxiety and brewer's droop.
I have specific social anxiety, which means I get social anxiety in specific situations (as opposed to most or all social situations, which is called general social anxiety), which sounds good, but it can still be pretty strong stuff. I am also slightly autistic and I have a savant ability - tell me the date and i'll tell you the day of the week. Doesn't have to be from recorded history or even from a time when the Universe existed. Ask me 1st Jan 1 trillion BC and i'll tell you, though it will take a while (Saturday). Calculating dates takes me much longer than the savant's I've seen on TV with this ability (10-20s vs 3-4s for recent dates), so I wonder if the TV programs I've seen simply chose the absolute best at this. By the way, technically, autism in intelligent people is called Asperger's, but I prefer autism as I think Asperger's sounds arrogant.
I have two addictions. One is porn/masturbation and the other is junk food. I am attempting to phase them both out and so far it's working. I am currently 21 days without PMO, with only rare cravings to use now and no immediate desire to even if I watch P and about 6 days without eating at a fast food restaurant, though I did have a trifle today.
The trifle did give me cravings to eat more trifle/confectionary, but not to eat at a fast food restaurant. I think that the two are separate because my cravings to eat at fast food restaurants are diminishing with abstinence from that and that only, but my cravings to eat confectionary aren't and I'm not abstaining from that. I have only just accepted that the junk food thing is actually an addiction, but I think i'll stick with eating dessert for a week or two so that I'm not resisting so much stuff all at once.
I do intend to completely give up all junk food, P and MOing, but I want to do it in stages because doing it all at once was too hard. The relapses you can currently see on my tick mark tracker are due to trying to go cold turkey. Since I've been phasing it out, I've been doing better with no PMO. I think I was addicted to masturbation as much as P and that this strategy will work. It seems to be working so far, but I guess only time will tell.
So I'm 30, I've never had a girlfriend and have only ever had sex with escorts. I would have had sex with "real" girls, but ED got in the way. My first encounter was in 2003, before I had ever used internet porn, so I think the reasons were a combination of performance anxiety and brewer's droop.
I have specific social anxiety, which means I get social anxiety in specific situations (as opposed to most or all social situations, which is called general social anxiety), which sounds good, but it can still be pretty strong stuff. I am also slightly autistic and I have a savant ability - tell me the date and i'll tell you the day of the week. Doesn't have to be from recorded history or even from a time when the Universe existed. Ask me 1st Jan 1 trillion BC and i'll tell you, though it will take a while (Saturday). Calculating dates takes me much longer than the savant's I've seen on TV with this ability (10-20s vs 3-4s for recent dates), so I wonder if the TV programs I've seen simply chose the absolute best at this. By the way, technically, autism in intelligent people is called Asperger's, but I prefer autism as I think Asperger's sounds arrogant.
I have two addictions. One is porn/masturbation and the other is junk food. I am attempting to phase them both out and so far it's working. I am currently 21 days without PMO, with only rare cravings to use now and no immediate desire to even if I watch P and about 6 days without eating at a fast food restaurant, though I did have a trifle today.
The trifle did give me cravings to eat more trifle/confectionary, but not to eat at a fast food restaurant. I think that the two are separate because my cravings to eat at fast food restaurants are diminishing with abstinence from that and that only, but my cravings to eat confectionary aren't and I'm not abstaining from that. I have only just accepted that the junk food thing is actually an addiction, but I think i'll stick with eating dessert for a week or two so that I'm not resisting so much stuff all at once.
I do intend to completely give up all junk food, P and MOing, but I want to do it in stages because doing it all at once was too hard. The relapses you can currently see on my tick mark tracker are due to trying to go cold turkey. Since I've been phasing it out, I've been doing better with no PMO. I think I was addicted to masturbation as much as P and that this strategy will work. It seems to be working so far, but I guess only time will tell.