Getting reconnected with others; quitting porn

[SETI]

Jkkk,

Thank you for those nice words. Its true what you say about not having anything to lose. The only thing is going through rejections and being okay with that. I have to work on this!

Update:

I have been quite busy lately with life and work so I didn't find the the time to write here much. I have decided to extend my no-MO to 15 days because that's how long it takes (I read somewhere) to "reset" the libido. Since I have a few episodes of binging in the past, I would like to get a clean slate.

Its really true what they say about focusing about life and using one's time. It removes my need to MO actually. I feel satisfied with seeing people and doing things I like, and at the end of the day the urge to MO is not there, or if it is it is very mild and easily dispelled.

One thing which I noticed more and more lately is the social awkwardness which is a little annoying. I think it might be caused by actually wanting to be social and seeing I am quite rusty. Close friends are beginning to be mostly natural, but around pretty girls I still feel like Bambi on ice

On the good note, I am having a lot more fun with ordinary things and my urges for eating, video games and such has seriously decreased.
I would like to start therapy soon but going to a private one will cost too much and I am relying on the health care system to deem me "bad enough" to get into the government paid alternative. We will see how it goes... meeting doctor on 22nd of August.

That's all!

 

[SETI]

"You have nothing to lose", is what my friend told me. What many people have told me. I should just go for everything and let the pieces land where they land. But there is something in the way. Fear. This is something I have made real and try to avoid. This is a problem. I avoid doing what I want to do because of fear, and every time that happens the fear gets stronger. It controls me. I have too much respect for fear at this point.

What will happen if I speak to that girl, ask her out? Will she see how very sad I am, how I am isolated and scared and in many ways pathetic? When I get rejected, will it hurt my self-image to the point of no return?

I think maybe this has to happen. I need to "die" in order to live. Like Fight Club. To "die" in this sense means inviting fear and really spending the time with it. Look at it and not let it rule my life. When I think of these things I just want to hide in the deepest hole you can find. I want to tell anyone who likes me to go to hell. This is what I feel right now.

 

[SETI]

On a brighter note. Going 11 days no MO and there are a lot less cravings now. I don't think about it and to be honest, the last few times I did MO, the chasers were really bad and I just don't like those effects. I won't stop MO indefinitely, but I will try to reduce the frequency to something like every two weeks or maybe even once a month. I will see what works for me.

Being in flatline isn't too bad actually. I think its part of the healing and addiction getting less ground. My strategy is that I'm not really trying very hard to avoid it, but rather to by experience be aware what effects O has on my life at this moment.

I am also not pursuing any ladies at the moment, even thou I have been getting some signals from a few. I notice it more now I think.
When I went out last night and wrote the post above, I was in a bar environment and I still feel very out of place in those kinds of places. It makes me uncomfortable and I have very little ambition to "play the game". I talked to some friends and one of them were a little a drunk and said I was so reserved and trying to be helpful by offering pick up lines and such. It really bothered me. First of all, I don't have an issue with talking with girls, but the problem is that I don't bring my "sexual agenda". Its like I don't know how to act with a girl who I feel attracted to.

Oh well, rant off for now. The reboot goes on.

 

[SETI]

I disabled my MO counter because I want to try and be more natural about when I do MO. I will try it until the end of this month and see how it goes. I think on the whole I kind of liked the 7 days cycle but at this point I'm not sure if its worth the time to abstain for much longer. I know a lot of guys swear by no-MO and I will keep experimenting and see where I land.

 

[jnv]

Hey there and congratulation on your progression. You talked about being in a flatline and then you talked MO. Did you get into a flatline while still MOing?

It looks like that, even though our counters read different figures, we are having similar reasonings about the reboot. I've thought about it the last few days about fighting only P for the moment, not MO at the same time. I think my real real ennemy here is P and I should focus on getting rid of it first before thinking about MO. Now, I don't want to start MO everyday again like before and I'm thinking about allowing some MO now and again but... I need to supervise it otherwise I know it will get out of hand very quickly so I don't know really. Maybe once a week? (I thought about Sunday as a reward for a tough week haha)?, once every 2 weeks? Once a month? I still don't know. I don't know really and I think I'm gonna experimenting as well and  focus first on reaching a PMO milestone such as 90 or 120 days which is my primary goal now and only then will I make a decision to try and go hard mode again if I can. Until then, I'll keep redirecting my thoughts towards real women I meet when MO instead of porn which is still beneficial in my opinion.

 

[SETI]

Hey jnv,

Thanks for posting. I went hardmode for 30 days when I first started the reboot and I think it was really worth doing just to give the old brain a rest. While its true P is the big issue, MO does release a lot of dopamine and the risk of stalling the progress of the reboot is there.

For me, dropping P wasn't *that* hard, but cutting out MO really is. My idea was first to reach 30 days and then MO and then get a cycle. Of course I did binge a number of times and it really affected me in a bad way. Got more shame, social anxiety and so forth. Not fun side effects.

I think its important to give it a rest for a while. Thats what I think.

About flatline, it is actually something that happens even if I MO. I think it goes up and down us soon as you kick P.

I wish us all the best of luck in our reboots and life in general!

 

[SETI]

Set my MO counter back. When I didn't have a goal set I MO'd every day and I can honestly say that it was very unsatisfying. Trying not to fantasize became almost impossible and I decided that the "more natural" approach wasn't working.

Now the goal is a bit more ambitious (30 days) but I think that having it as a big part of my routine is not good. It makes my ED worse also. The first time I did it it was great. Then next day was not as fun. Then worse and worse.

Noticed I couldn't look people in the eye anymore (even after 7 days of MO every day). I could hardly to to people and girls felt like the most alien creature in the world.

Also, I cancelled my appointment with the doctor to talk about my isolation and social anxiety. I truly feel that I need to make an effort with this reboot and let it have full effect before I do something new. Still considering seeing a therapist but at the moment my little cave is so comfy and I don't know if I'm ready to go out of it yet.

SETI out

 

[SETI]

Guys, I have to really recommend "No more Mr Nice Guy" for all men who are always "nice" and try to get ahead in life thinking that's what it takes to get what you want. This book explains a lot of things which could really hinder being a more healthy person.

I won't describe the contents too much here, but I can tell you that when I read it, it was scary. It seemed the book was talking directly to me. It explained things which I had no idea was connected, and also gave useful input on different ways to approach my way of being. Especially my relation to the other sex, and how being "nice" is not very nice for the Nice Guy, or for the people around them.

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

 

[SETI]

So whats up?

I've been staying off M for 2 weeks now and the new energy and motivation is really wonderful. Also, I can look people in the eye a lot more and generally feel more in tune with my life. I have the energy to actually do stuff and be involved.
I honestly believe that frequent M depletes me and causes a hangover which has been lasting for a long time. Now is the time for restoration and healing. Letting my sexual energy take form again and enjoy the benefits!

It seems keeping the counter and returning to this forum daily really helps me stay on the path. I have taken control of it through this method, along with reading up on the different subject relating to PMO, MO and so forth.

Also been working out in the gym every other day and it really helps me get out of my head. I started taking the ayurvedic (ancient indian system of medicine and lifestyle) herb Ashwagandha. Its supposed to restore sexual depletion and help the body to handle stress hormones and such. There are other nice effects of this herb, but for now I just think it helps me revive and heal. I got 2 months worth of tablets which didn't cost me much, with no risks so I thought, why the hell not?
I am also taking zinc supplement because I heard this can get drained by frequent M, so I figure that could help the progress.

At the moment I'm not really trying to get close to women, but work more on associating with guys as described in "No more Mr Nice Guy". Male bonding is a great way to get in touch with being a man and letting that side of me come forward.

SETI out

 

[SETI]

I slipped. Got drunk and MO happened. It felt alright. I now reset my counter and I am back on track. Alcohol is a big trigger for me no doubt.

 

[SETI]

Got ED?

Check this out. Gary Wilson made a new video.http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-and-porn

 

[jkkk]

Hey SETI,

I can see that you are fighting and you are not letting things down.

It's funny because my impression from reboot is that cutting out MO is easier than cutting out P - and you have exactly the opposite. Only goes to show how the addictions differ in details sometimes.

Alcohol is dangerous. I remember myself a few times, when I was drunk that I just easily hopped onto P. There is no easy advice here. Cutting out alcohol seems a big step, but maybe a limit would do?

Keep on fighting. You are doing really well and look - it's visible from yours posts that once you pass the mark of 20 days without MO you just feel so much better and you retrieve your true self.

And well, you addiction will always tell you that MOing is something normal that you need. Or that all guys do it. The chaser induced by delta-fos-b is just a really freaking scary thing. It will make one believe in anything.

J.

 

[SETI]

Hey SETI,

I can see that you are fighting and you are not letting things down.

It's funny because my impression from reboot is that cutting out MO is easier than cutting out P - and you have exactly the opposite. Only goes to show how the addictions differ in details sometimes.

Alcohol is dangerous. I remember myself a few times, when I was drunk that I just easily hopped onto P. There is no easy advice here. Cutting out alcohol seems a big step, but maybe a limit would do?

Keep on fighting. You are doing really well and look - it's visible from yours posts that once you pass the mark of 20 days without MO you just feel so much better and you retrieve your true self.

And well, you addiction will always tell you that MOing is something normal that you need. Or that all guys do it. The chaser induced by delta-fos-b is just a really freaking scary thing. It will make one believe in anything.

J.

I can honestly say that my urges to MO is often triggered from images I accidentally see in the media. If I don't look at anything the urge is often not that bad. But I don't consider seeing the face of a woman to be P, but it seems I am super sensitive to this after all the years of P and now the smallest thing can spark the cravings for dopamine. Even a beautiful smile.
Usually I can just resist it thinking "This is dangerous" and go on with my day. Its getting easier and easier actually. But pursuing any images intentionally is a big no-no, so staying away from that.

Like I mentioned, I have really cut down on alcohol the last year or so. I used to drink alone before but now I just have a few 3,5 % beers sometimes when alone. Otherwise I only drink in company of others. This way I don't find myself drunk home alone, which sucks to begin with, but also is a real sensitive time for MO cravings.

Reaching a high number of days MO-free indeed makes me feel more like my true self, yes. Its a matter of getting reminded again and again about that fact and not give in to the brain that wants a fix.

You are right about the delta-fos-b -thing. Its just the nastiest little mechanism considering the circumstances.

 

[jkkk]

Hey SETI, how are you treading and feeling?

I can honestly say that my urges to MO is often triggered from images I accidentally see in the media. If I don't look at anything the urge is often not that bad. But I don't consider seeing the face of a woman to be P, but it seems I am super sensitive to this after all the years of P and now the smallest thing can spark the cravings for dopamine. Even a beautiful smile.
Usually I can just resist it thinking "This is dangerous" and go on with my day. Its getting easier and easier actually. But pursuing any images intentionally is a big no-no, so staying away from that.

Bingo.

With one caveat - in my opinion, seeing a woman's face can be "P" in the sense that it can trigger a dopamine spike, expecially if a binge mode locks in. And this can happen - this is objecitfying at its best.

 

[SETI]

13 days of no-MO and I've been in flatline since a few days in. Haven't thought about it actually. Been into other things and away from the house more due to a number of reasons. Anyway, today I got somewhat of an urge for release. It happened when I was out around people and not actually at home like usual.
I do feel a bit strung up and tense, sexually frustrated might be the right term, and still it seems like my drive to actually take the steps to have sex is not really there. Maybe I've been away from it for so long that I forgot about it or something.

Its kind of sad but I honestly don't know how to fix this situation and start being interested in meeting girls again. In the back of my mind I think I could do it if I wanted to, but honestly I'm not sure. I've been rejected (from my point of view) many times and its easier to believe that I *could* do it and then *choose* not to do it. That way I can keep fooling myself.

Its also connected to me wanting to be good at everything I do. If I'm not good at it, or fail, I don't like to try it even. This is a big block for me at the moment I think, because being "good at something" isn't the same as being happy, at all.

Old habits die hard but still they do die..

 

[SETI]

First nocturnal emission last night. Can't remember it ever happening before.
Almost 20 days no-MO now and my visual sensitivity for women is off the charts. I am not sure this is actually my libido returning. I think it might be my addicted brain trying to make me cave in to sexual fantasy and MO. I shall not falter!

I am not socializing much now. I do notice that I can keep steady eye contact with almost anyone in conversations.

Some feelings of "bonding" or "longing for bonding" is starting to appear now. Like I wanna hold hands again, and kiss.

I am thinking of reasons why I can't have a girlfriend, but the truth is that I have a very narrow experience of being in a relationship and instead of telling myself I can't have one, I will just focus on my progress in the reboot and let go.

 

[SETI]

So, 6 months no PMO. Yay!

Had another period of MO every day after I broke my streak of 20-something days. Got heavy depression symptoms that came creeping up on me. Its time to find new strenght and stay away from MO!

Its odd how I believe again and again that I can MO and be OK. It doesn't work.

 

[CrazyGopher]

Congratulations on hitting your 6-month no PMO anniversary! ;D  Your progress is an inspiration for me.

 

[SETI]

Thanks for your support Gopher!

I have made a few connections the last few weeks. I've been feeling very depressed and when that happens, I stop doing all the things that make me feel better, like socializing with people I actually like, work out, eat healthy and sleep at regular times. The last month has really been the opposite of all of that.

I've been turning my sleep cycle upside down. Avoiding people. Eating junk food. Not working out. Not doing my meditation practice. And I have played a huge amount of games on my new computer. You could say I have reverted back to how I used to be when I was in my teens. Took some brave steps to become an adult in my twenties, and it has been a struggle between growing up and staying in my comfortable state since.

I am turning 30 next year, and I'm starting to think its due time to grow up. So what does it mean to grow up? I think in my case its about using the knowledge I have of life and actually putting it to use. I do the same mistakes over and over again, even thou I know they are bad for me. And knowing this somewhere in the back of my mind, I feel the need to zone out. Spend time busy, working my life out behind a screen. Reading endless things on google about new theories about why my life sucks.

In the end, I think that my answers are always with me. If I listen, I know I have wisdom on how to act in life, but the problem is that I don't listen. I mean, I hear it, but I don't listen.

To connect this with PMO, I would say that it is the very edge of this problem. I know PMO and MO actually hurt me. How? You can read in many of our journals on this site. Having been on the reboot journey since april this year, I have learned a few things. This knowledge, I need to trust. I don't need to read somewhere what is best for me. I already know.

So, this is where I hand the torch on to a new man. I am letting go of myself and I have faith in my own true self to appear. Should I have some doubt in the life to come, let me then turn to my own wisdom, and the wisdom of those whom I trust to find the right way.

I would like to extend my gratitude to all those who showed me true kindness so far. I hope to one day return the favor.

 

[SETI]

Okay, I made 7 days with no-MO, which was my goal!
I decided to MO now to avoid binging at a later time. I figure that its probably better to keep it on a 7-day cycle for now. I'm gonna see if I get any noticeable side effect from it. I am still struggling with a crazy sleep cycle, but I hope I can fix it to a normal, stable one as soon as possible. Also went to the gym last night. I am actually now avoiding alcohol because I feel like it makes more problems in my life positive things.

Slowly, one step at a time, I am going to change my life.