Here Goes

[emanedur]

Cheers guys for taking the time to comment.I will definitely keep the cold showers in mind Phase.I would take them sometimes after a run to cool down and they are very exhilarating. And you are right about the withdrawl symptoms TTL,it is amazing that the lack of porn can do this to you.If I wasn't experiencing them first hand I wouldn't have believed it was possible.
Well speaking off symptoms my headaches have not been as bad today and I didn't feel as crazy.Anxiety really scares me as I suffer from it any way and I don't want to go back to that place in my head.I still haven't been tempted to jump on online and act out,the same goes for M.I did catch my self thinking I would watch Who Wants To Be A Millionaire tonight as there might be some good looking women playing .Kind of weird.Sometimes I stop and can't believe this is happening to me and that I have to be even doing this.All that time I wasted when I could have been there for my wife.I'm so lucky to have her and I'm happy I am finally working towards being a real husband.Stay strong everyone.

 

[Doc]

Nice work Amigo,
I just brough it up with my Wife last night and am not sure how it will all play out.  I know I hurt her and that part sucks.  I can relate to your feelings of wanting to be a "real husband" for your Wife. 
Stay focused on that goal and you will not fail.
R

 

[notgivinup]

Emanedur...just read your posts.

I'm glad you're here....you HAVE come to the right place.

You wrote earlier that you wanted to hear of any successes....I am day 27, and I have experienced some great successes.

But to fill in a bit more....about 6 years ago, I was given a "gift" by a some well-meaning people. They wanted me to have a smartphone...and even paid for the service for a year. Do you know how I used that smartphone for the first hours I had it? You can guess...it was like my own private candy factory. Ear buds made it all the more easy for me to watch and listen to whatever I wanted. How easy is it to lie on your bed and watch something and as soon as you hear anyone coming, flip a little switch and stash it under a pillow?

It was pathetic.

So....it didn't take long after that, and I was unable to ejaculate when having sex with my wife...and this was majorly disturbing to me.

I chalked it up to stress...and went on...but then it happened again. "I need exercise" I said. She believed it.

But it kept happening, and I just stopped trying (with her). I could do it easily when looking at p.

But, I didn't really put it together....

Let's just say that for the past 5 years, I have not successfully had sex with my wife....until I finally came here and stopped the pmo.

I didn't start using high speed internet until I was in my mid 30's. But, I feel like I made up for lost time when I did get it.

I have had sex with my wife 4 times in the past 2 weeks...and each time with a major erection that came on as we were kissing and cuddling.

I used to feel like a total loser, and that my body was falling apart and that I was going to have to live out the rest of my days like that. But things are changing.

Stay with it, E.

I went through headache, body pains, fog, anxiety....roller coaster.

But, the men here are awesome, and this is the best place to be.

Thanks for all you have shared here...your courage is an encouragement to me on my own journey.

I'm glad you're here.

P&M are NOT an option.

 

[emanedur]

NGU that is such an awesome result,you and your wife must be over the moon.I can really relate to the smartphone.When I got a tablet I thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread,no more hunching over a computer desk,just pure relaxation on the bed.
R  good on you for telling your wife,it must be nice to have that off your chest.She's still talking to you so it looks as though you'll be OK.
Really anxious today.Just like my days of old before medication.I'm not sure whether it is the withdrawl or just my disorder coming back.Felt like running away from work this morning.I hope I'm OK tomorrow.

 

[Jimmy James]

I am so thankful that I am too cheap to get a phone with a data plan.  I can only imagine how much more P I would have used if I let that be an option.  I use a used iPhone3 on a pay per minute plan, so I can only be online with wifi and with that phone, I can't imagine it would be a good experience anyway. I only got that phone to make texting with my kids' coaches easier.

 

[emanedur]

Sometimes it pays to be cheap Jimmy! Well on day 7 and all is well.I had a way better day a work today,very little anxiety,which was a blessing.I feel in quite good spirits tonight.It's Friday so I am looking forward to a couple days off.I'm starting lifting again tommorrow after a week off due to a sore arm so that will be a good release.After almost a week I thought I might be feeling a little horny by now,but no,I'm still dead as a door nail.That's OK I'm in no rush.Still holding on to all the success stories and know that will be me posting one of my own some day.Stay strong everyone.

 

[lyon03]

Hey brother! Thanks for sharing. Exercise, no PMO, and working well...count the blessings my friend. These are early days so let the reboot take its course while making sure you get lots of exercise and sleep. Normal sexuality and sexual function will return, but when we can never know. Stay strong. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

 

[emanedur]

Well nine days in but I don't feel like celebrating.My anxiety was getting out of control and upon seeing my Dr he has taken me off the less sexual side effects med I was trying and put me back on my usual medication.What does that mean for the reboot?Well I 'm still committed to no PMO but now the dream of making love to my wife to the satisfaction of us both is now pretty much zero.The med is a massive libido killer and causes a huge inability to oragasm.Actually from long term experience with the drug O could only be achieved by a very long and intense solo outing.Apparently there are a few antidotes that can be used to lessen the effects but they all sound hit an miss.
So there you have it,the main reason I started out on this,to have sex with my wife again,seems to have slipped through my fingers.Stay on a drug that works so I can function normally and don't have normal sex,or don't take it,feel like crap but have possibly OK sex.Feeling bummed.

 

[lyon03]

You're dealing with a lot my friend. Early reboot and brain rebalancing are both tough even without adding anxiety. Keep posting, keep setting small goals, and try not to get too down. Thinking of you brother....

 

[Jimmy James]

Well nine days in but I don't feel like celebrating.My anxiety was getting out of control and upon seeing my Dr he has taken me off the less sexual side effects med I was trying and put me back on my usual medication.What does that mean for the reboot?Well I 'm still committed to no PMO but now the dream of making love to my wife to the satisfaction of us both is now pretty much zero.The med is a massive libido killer and causes a huge inability to oragasm.Actually from long term experience with the drug O could only be achieved by a very long and intense solo outing.Apparently there are a few antidotes that can be used to lessen the effects but they all sound hit an miss.
So there you have it,the main reason I started out on this,to have sex with my wife again,seems to have slipped through my fingers.Stay on a drug that works so I can function normally and don't have normal sex,or don't take it,feel like crap but have possibly OK sex.Feeling bummed.

When is the last time you were on this med while in completely long term PMO free sobriety?  Never?

Don't let this be an excuse to PMO.  Remember the reboot/rewire is a long term process and don't be disappointed if it takes longer than you want.

 

[Phase2]

Most guys doing no PMO have begun their flatline by Day 9, so just ride it out. Even if drugs weren't in the picture, you'd probably now have several or many weeks of no libido at all. Just be patient. This isn't a quick fix, it takes time and knowledge and lots of patience. Stay strong!

 

[Ted]

Hey emandur,

Please be strong my friend; we're all thinking of you. Just tell yourself that right now sex is not an option for you, but this is temporary. I've always been a sexual person too, but lack of sex with your spouse and no PMO commitment is a perfect storm. Right now, no sex for you, not even alone, be strong and work through it. It's only temporary and this too will pass. Consider this part of he journey to get your mojo back.

Ted